Hi, I am Karen and I guess I'll start. About 16 months ago, In late November 2006, I thought I was happily coupled with my partner. We were raising her nephew together, who was almost 13 at that time. He came to live with us when he was 5 and in my heart, he is and will always be my son.
Then I had pretty major surgery - had both knees replaced at the same time, a day before Thanksgiving. Three days later, my partner of 9 years walked out on me and never came back. She was moved out before I got home from rehab and I have not seen her for well over a year. She left our boy with a friend down the street - I couldn't even take care of myself let alone him, and she said she did not want to be a parent. In April of 2007, she sent our boy back to his bio mother (her sister). Now he lives 2000 miles away and I have not seen him for almost a year.
This has been the hardest time I've ever had with sorrow and grief. I grieve for him more than myself. He not only lost the only family he knew, he was torn up by the roots from everything familiar and sent to live with a mom who is on parole and a stranger to him. He lost literally everything - both parental figures, his home, school, friends, sports, band, extended family, his girlfriend, his pets. He was put on a plane with only one day's notice and he didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. He was lied to by his mother, who told him just to come and "try it" for a month or two and if he wasn't happy he could come back here. And while I am still sitting here in a daze wondering what the hell happened and why my family imploded, my ex-partner wasted no time finding someone new and coupling up with her. They are now married and her new wife has two children that I've heard they both just adore. I always wonder how that makes my boy feel. He is a very hurt and angry young man.
I don't know how to get over this, I only know it's time I start making some kind of headway. My friends and family are sick of me and I am sick of myself. I have survived other breakups. They're never easy, but at least I saw them coming. When someone commits to you for that long and tells you EVERY DAY how much they love you and how happy they are, then suddenly blows the whole household apart with no real explanation and never even considers trying to work out whatever it was bothering them, it's kind of crazy-making. She will not talk to me and seems really angry at me, even now, though I don't know why. I don't know why I am not angry. Can't seem to muster any of that. I even still miss her sometimes.
Of course this is a bare-bones telling of the story. I am sure part of the responsibility for this is mine, I just don't know which part. If there is someone out there who has moved through this kind of circumstance and learned to be happy again, I would like to hear your story and how you managed. I joined this group because I want to get "Beyond the Pain" and perhaps someday soon be in a position to support others who are going through the heartache of loss. Thanks for reading.