Lighthouse,

You sound like a no nonsense kinda gal. Great advice to Imlost....

Love that saying "there are millions of mermaids in the sea.....go catch one girl"  .

look hon,

If she broke up with you,,,then MOVE ON,don't hang on...

You've got to live your life,,,doesn't sound like it's gonna change...

Get her to move out,,or you move out...get on with your life...Like my mom always said,there are millions of mermaids in the sea(lol)...go catch one girl!

First of all I would like to say I am sorry your relationship ended so abruptly. I am still here barely hanging on. She still tells me she loves me but is not inlove with me. That she has tried to make it work but I never see or feel her trying. She won't tell me she loves me before she goes off to work, unless I say it first. She does tell me I have to go honey, but that just makes me feel so lonely. I would be glad to read your book, please let me know when it comes out email mvega33@yahoo.com. Her cousin tells her she is going to miss me if she lets me go, she says she knows, yet she doesn't try. I just don't understand. I believe that to stay inlove and actually be happy, you have to work at it constantly. It is something that is built between the two it doesn't just happen. If you quit doing things together and quit laughing there is no relationship. I love her with all my heart and she knows that, and I continue to let her know and show her. She sometimes responds to me, but not always. I wonder how long I will be able to handle that. It is slowly taking its tow on me. Thanks for listening.

Hi, I am new to this site but I really feel for what you are going through.  My partner of 9 years left me abruptly a little over a year ago, saying the same thing, that she was no longer in love with me.  What's up with that?  I thought we had a great relationship.

I personally think people's expectations are unrealistic when it comes to being in love.  That magic simply doesn't last forever and you have to build something solid together that is going to sustain you after all the butterflies have flown away.  I am almost done with a cool, easy reading book called "The Five Love Languages."  I have had to wade through the "straightness" of the book and the religious undertones, but the concept really applies to everyone.  I think it would really help you to read that book.  You are thinking about it anyway and I think you could get through it in a day or two.  It might give you some understanding of what has happened in your relationship.  It gave me a big understanding about mine.  It gets easier over time, I am getting better.  And that's BS, you thinking there is no other woman out there.  There are millions of us on the planet and everybody wants love.  You'll click with somebody if you can't fix it with this girl.  Good luck to you. 

We went on the cruise and really enjoyed ourselves, it was like old times. As soon as we got back the magic was gone. I started packing to leave, I had to go meet up with a landlord for the rent and down payment. My girlfriend again convince me to stay, promising change in our relationship. I told her the only change I wish for is that I want to be a priority in her life, she says she loves me but is not in love with me. How can I ask her to show me love. She means the world to me, but at this point I am convincing myself to leave. I should go before I start, regretting and actually hating her. Yes she is selfish, but how do you make her see that? She has brought me down so much during our 5 yrs together that I no longer see, my self worth. I just don't think there will be another woman out there, I would just like to be loved as much as I love them. Is that so much to ask for? Thanks for taking the time to hear me out and giving me advice.

You have to know your self worth. You have to understand that no one in this life is worth taking everything that is special with you and giving it to the dogs. There is a woman out there for you. but if you hold on to all of the negative in your life she will control the outcome of your destiny. Run like hell and ask questions later. you will be doing yourself a favor and an a treat by just making up your mind and leaving everything. Go on the cruise and get separate rooms if possible and play it by ear.  You are so open to her letting you back in and that is not love. That is being controlling and selfish. Not only wondering about you but wondering about her free trip...Like I said run like hell..ask questions later...

It seems easier said then done. I am a single parent and having to leave and search for another place to live seems like such a task. We have split up before and I ended up moving to San Antonio, Texas with my sister. My girlfriend called me everyday and did ask me to come back. I just don't want to keep doing this, I am not a yo-yo. I am wanting to settle down and enjoy life. I am getting to old for this. Why can't we just find a way to work things out together instead of against each other? I love her with all my heart and maybe that is why she does this, it's because she knows I will be there if she calls on me again. She is taking me for granted and it is not fair to me. We are going ahead with the cruise together since it has been paid for, I hope for things to change. I will not be holing my breath though. Like I said I look for the positive and she looks for the negative, to think we actually made it this long. I wish I could find the feelings that kept us so connected. Wish us well on our cruise.Thanks for replying.

Dear ImLost,
We are so sorry to hear about your situation.  It must be extremely painful for you .

It seems as though your girlfriend is fairly seriously about your breakup.  It seems as though the best thing to do would be to go ahead and move out, letting her know when you move out that you still love her and that you would like to patch things up if she is willing.  Since 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', perhaps after you are separated for awhile she will begin to miss you and will seek out your company.  If not, then it seems as though it will be time to move on with your life. 

During this transistion, be sure to nurture yourself, keep busy, go out with friends and try to enjoy your life.  It will be difficult.  Let yourself grieve the loss and feel the feelings of loss, that's so important for the sake of healing.  The transistion will be a journey.....and the journey will not be easy.  But in the end, you will heal, you will grow and you will find a new love. 

Good luck to you.  Please write us again with updates and let us know how you are doing. Our thoughts are with you.

Tami and Tareasea

 

 

 

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 yrs and she recently has brokeup with me saying she isn't inlove with me anymore. I don't want to walk away from 5 yrs together I do love her with all my heart, but she says there is no changing her mind. I am still here with her but am looking for another place. It has gotten to where we don't talk unless she needs me to fix something for her. That is the only time I hear anything from her. I often tell her I love her and that I miss her but she ignores me and walks away. That hurts me even more. I don't know why she wouldn't want to work things out, I look at the positive things in our relationship and she looks at the negative. We had planned to take a cruise together to celebrate our 5yrs. It's coming up and I sure wanted it to be fun and special. To be romantic, but now all this!!! What should I do? Can you please advise?