No, love is hard to find and your girl should never do anything behind her mother back give her time get to know her mother it well help you ina long run

 Be sweet

all i can say is 'no' ur not being selfish i dont think,my mom hated my first girlfriend( she had right too,she was really mean to me,i was 20 she was 27),but i would never let her talk to crap to her beacuse at the time she was the only one i knew and i did love her alot,now that i left her and i am married to my now girlfriend monique,my mo AND siblings are ok with it.and their all MORMON,so if my uptight ignorant mother can get over this stupid crap then your girl can too,ofcaurse i moved from st.louis,mossouri(2000 miles away) to utah.i just think your girl needs to not care so much if she wants you then she needs to be just a little more protective of you and her own self! keep it real

That's a scary statement that you will give up anything  for her happiness. Scary and what I mean take it from someone who knows. I once lived my life for someone else's happiness over mine and that only works for the other person not you. You can't love enough for the both of you she has to think enough of you to put in work too. Work(meaning deal w/her mother). You can tell the difference because if you couldn't and you trusted her when she said it you wouldn't be asking the ? now. In my opinion she is trying to satisfy you by saying you can come over anytime. Try it and see for yourself, better yet don't because I would hate for you to get hurt worst and possibly see she doesn't feel for you as you do for her. This coming from someone scared to stand up to her mother. She knows you're indifferent about this situation and has to keep some kind of connection w/you. I'm sure she really wants to mean it but until her actions show it take it for what is nothing but words.Scheduling conflicts is how you end up over there? Are you ok w/ that being the only way you see her? Are you the only woman  in her life she's seeing? Don't get me wrong I remember what loving like that was like and for me it didn't work out and I still have the scares to prove and it's been years since that realationship ended. But it changed how I dealt w/ people after that and made me the person I am now loving still but don't easily trust if at all. You deserve to be happy too not just her. Don't lose yourself in her or her situation w/her mother you deserve better than that. Your relationship will be better when she realizes that you are worth  the trouble and I hope for your sake it's sooner than later. I fear when having to make the choice between you and her mother she will. That's too bad about the children's father but I'm sure you know men aren't the smartest tools in the shed(ha ha). Again anytime you need a friend I'll be here for you. I really do hope eveything works out for the both of you.

My childrens father does not know because if he did I would end up in court and he trying to say i am unfit simply because I am gay.. what a crock of crap, but in my rural country living that is exactly what would happen. My 2 oldest live in a couple of towns over which means they live with their father durning the week so to go to a better school. My daughter lives with me and doesnt have a strong relationship with her father and would never tell him...i agree with you and my gf is making attempts to show me her commitment ... since i posted i have been over to the house, briefly but that was more due to scheduling conflicts. She said to me last night to come over any time i want.. but i think she only sorta means it, she is stuck between me and her mom and that is hell in itself. So i think she says come over anytime only because she thinks it will satisfy me. I dont know how tell the diffrence, i suppose it really doesnt matter in the end. I love her more than anything and would give anything up for her happiness. She is making attempts to right it and i need to learn patience. This woman is amazing she loves me and besides this issue everything she does shows that. I am certain that we will make it through this and come out better woman for it. Thanks for all your help! I will give an update soon.

I don't think your being selfish at all. However you have to ask yourself  is what you're  expecting from your partner is realistic at this point of her life.  She has spent many years allowing her mother to run her life and she has been okay with it. So okay with it she purchased a home across the street from her mother.   Your partner made her choice when she told you not to visit because she wants to keep the peace. That statements says it all. She  would rather not see you than to upset her mother, and change the situation. Which tells me she dont not have the guts to change the situation.  You have to except it and her for what it is. Enjoy her during the moments when she can come to your place, and when you can no longer deal with it exit gracefully.  

I really don't know where to begin.Let's address your childrens father not knowing, are you sure he doesn't know? Your children are of age to talk about this are you sure they haven't? What do you think would happen if he knew? Now to answer your ? about whether or not you are selfish? My answer is NO. Believe or not everyone is not going to like you or your relationship w/your girlfriend but they MUST RESPECT YOU AND HER.  Mother's can be difficult. My mother told me when I told her that I was gay that I was not to bring anyone around her. You know the truth is I never would even if she hadn't said that. Your girlfriend is going to have to deal w/her mother eventually. You mentioned that she wants to keep the peace so you can't come over anymore. What do you think will happen when the two of you get married and move into your own home? Will her mother not be allowed to visit or will you get put out of your own home too? It's obvious that the two of you care for one another but my last ? is how long are you willing to wait for her to handle this situation and do you think she will? This has to be handled by your girlfriend not you and you have to trust that she is doing what she feels is the best thing. I wouldn't care one way or another what her mother felt about me. I know that's easier said then done but true in my opinion anyway. Her mother will only stay the problem if she allows her to be, and you'll only come between them if she doesn't speak up. I hope everything works out for the two of you because love is something so rare especially if it's genuine and it's beautiful and to be enjoyed.    

I am here trying to figure out if i am being selfish or what. I want advice and most importantly need it... So here we go.....

I went for a job interview and was hired.. hated the job and left before day 3. But I was instantly attracted to the one who hired me.. Who i later found out was a co-owner.. Anyway, I sent her an email 3 weeks later asking her if she would like to go out for a drink... It took her several days to respond but she did. I can happily report that we went out and are now together. I am going thru a divorce to a man, I have known for several years that I was a lesbian but I have 3 children, 11 yo daughter, 14 yo son, and 15 yo son. My youngest was aware of my real desire to be with a woman but my boys did not.So i have my own struggles with my situation. But I am out... to everyone, except my childrens father (who is not my current husband) see if I would have only found the rainbow sooner i would not have waisted all this damn time.  Onto the purpose of this post....

My girl is 14 yrs older than I, which means her parents are even older. Her father is laid back and seems to not get to worked up about anything....However, her mother on the other hand is a total control freak!! Has to be involved in everything! No lie... my girl and her single brother own a home across the street from her parents. I have been over there for dinner with the parents and for visits. But after me being at her house almost every evening and spending a few nights there, her mother confronted her about me... Came out and was very hateful about it and said to my girl "are you and her having an affair" my girls response was nothing... then mom asked if she as "gay" then she responded "would it matter"  her mother then replied .."yes it would and i do not condone than type of behavior" and walked out. Now i must tell you that my girl has one HUGE poster of "ELLEN" on her wall. Yes i know you are asking how could she not know... i wonder the samething....  They have not spoken since, that was 3 weeks ago.... here is the problem my girl has asked that i do not come to the house anymore.. to keep the peace .. but there is no peace to keep they are not speaking... we live about 30-40 mins apart and her work schedule prevents her from being out much past 9pm so i was coming her so not to have her drive.. plus my house is not always available for us either... she tells me that we will be married and have our own home and it will not always be this way... and i really believe her... but i think that if we stop living our lives so not to offend her mother then arent we just punishing ourselves? I want her parents to be part of this relationship, but i keep explaining that she has never has a good relationship with her mom, so for once in her life dont worry about her mothers approval, she will never get it anyway. I am really offended by my girls request about coming to the house, i feel like if i am what she wants it should not matter if mom approves.... am i being selfish? MY girl has not been in a relationship in 20 years and to be honest this would be my real first relationship, so we have lots and lots to enjoy and i feel like her mom is going to make it impossible too.  please send me any advice, i really need it i dont like seeing my girl torn between her mother and i. I feel like i am losing out on time with her but yet i feel like i am being selfish too....

 

Thanks~

Crazie_dazie_girl