I used an anonymous donor for my twins.  The donor stated that he does not want contact once the girls are 18.  What I did though, was post a picture of them on the sperm bank's website with the donor number on it, so if this guy changes his mind as he gets older, he can at least see a picture of the girls (now 3).  I'm not adverse to knowing the donor, but I would not have wanted to use someone I knew due to legalities and how people can change.  One of my girls asks about her "dad", but it is hard to explain to a 3yr old.  I just keep telling her about having 2 moms and that her "dad" isn't someone we know.  For now, she accepts that.  Good luck...its a hard decision...the first of many :)

When we considered having a "known donor" we made our decision based on what we thought might be best for the child, not us.  We decided that "known at 18" was the way to go and found a sperm bank that provided that option.  As it turned out, we ended up doing an Open Adoption, and our daughter (now 9) knows the birth dad.  He's visited us 3 times since she was born.  We talk to him on the phone a couple times a year, and we email him about the same amount.

 

What's interesting to me is that our daughter really wanted to know who her birth dad is. (she also knows her birth mom, but since she's already got the mom thing covered, in many ways having a known birth dad has more juice behind it for her). 

 

Some kids may really care to know, other kids might not care.  But it's good to leave an option open, is my feeling.  Good luck and do what you and your partner think is the right thing, with your child in heart and mind!

 

I think you are right on point with wanting your child to know who their biological father is.  My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and there is a part of me that wants our child to know who their father is, but then there is also a part of me that doesn't want them to know at all.  There are men out there that want to know, its just finding them.  We found one in New York, who wants to have a child and wants everything to do with them but for us the distance was to great from Florida to New York.  The only advice I can give you is to keep trying and hang in there.  Remember no matter what, you both will make wonderful parents.  GOOD LUCK!!!!

My wife and I want to have a baby soon. I am going to carry the child, and then we also want to adopt. I am a bit nervous about choosing a sperm donor. We researched a bank in San Fransisco that gives the donor the option to be anonymous, or not. I strongly feel that our child should have the right to know their biological father if they choose to. This sperm bank would allow the child to contact the donor when they turn 18. The problem is, most donors want to remain anonymous, so our choices are limited. Anyone have advioce/experience with this?