Welcome sunlvr, I understand and can fully feel the loss.  I to have lost a brother, father, my beloved cat of 16 years, my job, all my teeth and my life partner of 10 years.  It is a lot to have on your plate when things happen all at once.  I can only tell you what I do day by day to survive the pain.  I don't pretend to know answers or to tell you what to do.  I only can tell you what I do and maybe it will be of some comfort to you.

I believe that when  a person passes their spirit or soul stays with us and comfort us when we need them the most.  When my partner said goodbye, I made a point to stay in touch with the family that I became close to either by email or phone.  One still calls me aunt Susan.  They are supportive, and tell me they are sorry and will always be there for me as their aunt.  That helps even though eventually this too will end.  But, we go on and life changes.  It is good that you have groups of women that support you.  One thing I noticed is that you tried couples counseling.  I wish that I had that chance.  Then I could honestly say we tried everything to stay together.  Unfortunately, my partner was not willing to do that.  I found "the Secret" to help with my attitude and self pity issue.  Although, sometimes I slip up and have to watch the DVD again.  To be honest with you I have never knew a broken heart could be so painful.  They say no one has ever died form one but you sure feel like your going to.  A book that I give to my friends that have lost a loved one in death is called "Talking to heaven" by James Van Prague.  I highly recommend it.  It might give you a different perspective on death.  It helped me.

I have met one of the ladies from Olivia on the Caribbean cruise 07' and we have been exchanging email, phone calls and plan to have a long weekend soon.  I have to tell you, nothing heals a broken heart like someone filling in those cracks with humor, kindness and genuine caring.  I look forward to making new friends and meeting extraordinary women from all over the country and other countries.  I feel a new awakening.  I am starting life at 55 with a clean slate and a new piece of chalk.  I am ready to take on what life has in store for me.  A new job, a new relationship, a new state to live in......happiness. 

I feel blue now and then when I run across something my ex would like or something only the two of us would laugh at.  I'm sure with time, I will smile at it again with someone new.  I'm not done with this life yet.  I have too many things I want to do.  Who knows, I might be doing them with someone special who gets me. 

Thank you for sharing, I hope more ladies will be able to share and help to bring you some comfort.

Susan (masues)