Dear Mariooch,

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling like you are.  I am a firm believer in if something is meant to happen it will.  If the two of you aren't working towards the same things that will really make it hard.  Whether it works out or not, you have got to remember that their is someone out their for you.  Don't settle for less!  You are worth it and hang on to those family and friends because they will get you through all of this.  I am glad you have a good network of support.  Just remember, it does get better.  Everytime I have hit a low spot in my life, I have to tell myself that ...and it does.

Good luck to you and let me know how you are doing!

 

Dear njoy,

Thanks for your reply.... As it stands, this may no longer be an issue.  We've just about decided that we cannot live together, at least not in that house.  Now there are other issues.  It's along the same lines of her not wanting any change at all and me making all the changes.  Now, it's about our future.  I do not want what she has already planned on her own, and because of that, she has declared that we have no future.  I want to be happy and together, even if it's just for a casual relationship for now.... I love her dearly.  It's obvious that she can't or won't work towards an "us".  I see her devoted to some things and I am not one of them.  It's all very disappointing, especially at a time in my life when I've lost so much, feel so fragile, and have so little.  I am so very grateful, though, for my friends and family, who support me so well.  It's been a rough winter for me, and when we went on our Olivia cruise just a month ago, it was such a happy experience for me and for us.  Life sure changes fast sometimes.

Again, thanks for writing back.

Hi Mariooch,

I just wanted to tell you that maybe looking at the bigger picture of finally being able to live with the person you love is going to be so much greater than the challenge of dealing with the dog issues.  I will say that when my gf and I merged our households 7 years ago, she had a dog and I had a dog and 2 cats.  She didn't like cats at all and I think it almost scared her away.  It ended up that my cats were more attached to her than me.  (So wrong!!) So, the things that you are concerned about may not end up being as big of an issue as you think.  Maybe you could talk to your gf about how she will feel if you try to give the dogs a little training on the things that really bother you...like begging and taking food off of the table.  They can be taught not to do those things. 

As far as not feeling like her home is yours.  That is a little tougher and can be a little harder to make happen.  When my gf and I moved in together, she decided to be the one to sell her house and we lived in mine.  I am sure she felt the same way you are afraid you will feel.  So we agreed that as soon as we were able, we would start house hunting for something that would be ours.  We sold my house and picked out something that we both loved.  It was great move because then we could make our own memories and not worry about any ghost memories hanging around.  So maybe that is something you all could think about.

I think it is awesome that you two have found each other again after so many years apart.  I love a good love story.  Don't let the little things get in the way of your happiness.  You can work through anything as long as you both want the same result,  To be happy and together!

Keep me updated!!

Hi!

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but this group seems to be filled with women with a few things in common....anyhow, I'll dive in and see what comes of it!

In a nutshell, my girlfriend & I were together back when we were young.  We broke up, but stayed in each other's hearts for years.  Didn't see or hear from each other for almost 25 years.  I found her, and now we're very happy together.  Unfortunately, we were living almost 2,000 miles apart.  Now, we're just 2 hours apart, which is so much better, but still not great.  It's my intention to move to where she is come fall of this year.  (It's all very complicated!)  Anyhow, I want to live with her, and she with me.  But, she has two medium-sized dogs.  I like the dogs - they're good natured, but they have been allowed to jump up on couches & beds.  So, there is nowhere to sit without getting hair on your clothing.  They also beg and get food from the table.  One seems to have a food obsession and the other an attention obsession.  I know this is an issue I'll have to face with my girlfriend, but am I making too big of a deal of this?  She knows that I "tolerate" the dogs, that I don't "love" them.  I'm kind to them, bake them treats, etc. when I'm around them, but that's only on weekends.  I guess I won't know my real reaction until I'm living with them everyday of the week, but I sometimes daydream of a place of my own and a little dog of my own.  (My sweet, little "Minnie" died last year and I miss her very much.  She was smart as a whip, well-trained, and a comfort to me.) 

I've little experience with moving in with someone.  Right now, I'm renting a furnished house.  I divorced a year ago, and left what was my home with just a few items of furniture.  I'm really feeling homeless and also wonder if my girlfriend's house will ever feel like my own home.

Any suggestions?  input?  opinions?

Thank you for "listening"! 

 

 

 

 

I'm new with Olivia but happy to have found all of you.

I've read the topics and found quite a few interesting. I spent the first 30 years of my life trying to fit in to the world laid before me with a perfect little bow.  I married a man and stayed in a very unhappy unsatisfying marriage for 10 years. 

I met my (now) wife on a chat site for a mutually liked television show...we realized that we only lived a coupl of hours away from one another along with a couple of others...so we all met.  She and I hit it off immediately and I knew i had a friend for life.  We would stay up for hours talking, laughing, sharing stories...it was amazing, I felt alive and I couldn't figure out why.  It was when I was told to end my friendship with her that a fire was lit and I fought.  Needless to say...here we are, he's gone and we've been together for going on 6 years now.  We just had our ceremony in September and it was the most beautiful combining of the two of us.

I hope that everyone no matter what status they give themselves...can find a love like it sounds many of us have found.  Congrats to all of you...I'm glad I found my home.

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hi, Gwen

I appreciate the response. And I agree doing everything if there is equal commitment.

I have already reviewed the monitor for this board, and will join her coaching sessions to understand the dynamics of our relationship. If you are open, I will share my email through a more private venue, so we chat.

I noticed that you are in KY; are you near Hebron?

again thank you,

M.

 

 

I am a  firm believer in doing everything you can do save a relationship as long as they are fully commited to you and giving the same 100%. There is no shame in walking away knowing the life of your love is still out there waiting for you and you can look back at the previous relationship knowing you have no regrets on the efforts of your part.

 

Hope this helps, If you need someone to talk to, please let me know.

Gwen

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Julesd3724,  Thanks for the reply, and yes it does help to know that we are not alone.  If you ever want to talk just drop me a line.  I know where you are coming from on the vacation thing.  As long as we work in the same office we will not be taking vacations together.  Hopefully that can be short lived.  We are going out of town this weekend to visit some friends with three other couples.  We go every year and it is great to just be away and in a safe place to relax and be ourselves.  So long weekends are the extent of our time away together.    Keep in touch!

Denise

SimLady07; I can totally relate to you.  I work with my partner, in a setting where we are out to some people and some we are not, but I really have to distance myself at work or the total togetherness would drive me crazy.....not to mention, it's hard for us to take any vacations together, or when I'm in a meeting (I'm a clinical coordinator) and something comes up with her name it's so hard to remain completely unbiased.....I'm not easy to be with all the time either, and I came from a marriage with 3 kids.....not easy for her!!

 Anyway, it is so great to hear about everyone's experiences in this group, it really makes you feel like you are not alone.  Everyone needs that.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding, Shoopy!  Where will you get married? 

I can relate to having in-law issues; Jeanne's family isn't the most supportive.  We had a baby 7 weeks ago, and it has actually helped Jeanne's family be more accepting.  Not that that is a reason to have a baby, it's just been a pleasant side effect.  We've been together for 9 years and Jeanne's mom wasn't "out" to anyone about Jeanne's sexuality, so she had no support.  No one was telling her that it's okay and she thought that all of her friends and neighbors would judge her.  Having the baby really forced her to be open with others about Jeanne and me.  I know that she has been surprised at how accepting her friends have been. 

 

Hi Everyone!  My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 years.  We are having a commitment cerimony in May of 2008 and then we are going to try to get ME pregnant.  :)

I loved reading everyone's posts.  I don't feel like she and I have too many problems.  I would agree with those out there who have been together a long time that the drive can go down...we both have gained weight through the years and because of the wedding we are on this working out getting in shape mission...it's been a help to both of us as it's increased our self esteem, energy and libido.  Just a suggestion...sometimes we as couples fall into patterns of daily life and lose that spark a long the way.

The main issues we face right now are trying to get her family to understand about a wedding and family.  She only came out to them last year and they are struggling with this as they are religious.  They think a family should be a "man and woman" and that our kids, if and when we have any will be harmed in some way by being raised by two women. 

The other issues are your typical...whose name will we use...linen colors...what flowers for the wedding...lol. 

Lovely to find a group of women on a forum where I can be myself. 

~Shannon

I know I may be a little late for this topic but all the infor I can get will help.

My girlfriend and I ahve been together for 7 years and we have problems sometimees that i can't find my way out of.

I love this group.  I have really enjoyed reading everyones post.  I was married for 19 years and met my partner while I was married.  We worked for different companies and she was a client of mine that I had to visit just about everyday of the work week.  We would find ourselves just sitting talking about anything and everything long after the office closed.  One night she asked me out to dinner, we met at the resturant.  I remember it was cold night in December of 2003 and she slipped her hand into my coat pocket and held my hand.  That was all that it took, I just about melted right there on the sidewalk.  We ended up spending more time together after hours and she was with me every step of the way thru a hysterectomy that February.  Finally in October of 2004 I walked away from my marriage and my two daughters.  Hardest thing I ever did in my life.  I moved in with my parents and starting therapy.  I was very consistant with my girls and let them vent their anger and disappointment when ever they needed to.  I never budged and now my oldest lives with my partner and I and she is my sunshine, I would be lost without her.  I am still there for my youngest and I do everything I can for her, just like her sister.  I love them both dearly and they have blessed my life.  So today Cheryl and I have lived together a little over two years and we struggle but we always seem to work things out.  She has loved me unconditionally and I have been very difficult at times.  I am not one to open up, I keep most things to myself and that is not a good thing.  I am working on that and she is making me talk things out.  God love her, I don't know why she keeps me around.  We both currently work in the same office and I have to admit sometimes being with each other 24/7 gets to me.  I need my space and she lets me have it.  We have two corgi's, Newt & Micki and a really old weiner dog, she is 20 and quite the trouble maker.  We look forward to growing old together and loving each other for the women that we are.