Yummymummy,

Indeed you are lucky to be Canadian!  We live just a stones-throw away from Canada and I often find myself being quite jealous of your domestic policy regarding gays and lesbians!  Are you guaranteed one year of leave for child-rearing or is that a company policy?  I am taking off until January and then Jeanne is taking the rest of the school year off (we both work in schools).  It makes me feel better knowing that we don't have to worry about daycare for a year!

How wonderful that your children are so close in age; it will be fun to raise them together.  As tough as my pregnancy was, I do want to have more kids and preferably soon! 

I just signed up and thought I'd give this a try. I didn't see many posts, which I can only imagine is related to people with children being very busy, consumed and very tired! My partner and I have 2 children, aged 3 & 1/2 and my daughter just turned 1 on June 28. I feel fortunate to be Canadian, since I'm just finishing up my maternity and parental leave of 1 year off. I extended it a little with some vacation time, so she will be 13 months when she is in full time (4 days/wk) day care. My next quest will be to get back into shape in the little bit of time that I will have in the week. My other challenge is that my son has several food allergies(wheat, egg, milk), so I do a lot of baking and spend a lot of time on food prep. I am happy to report however, it likely makes him one of the healthiest kids out there! (how many 3-yr olds get excited and request Organic Flax plus granola cereal with omega 3s & pumpkin seeds?!)

We just finished putting up a play structure (swings/slide/climber) in the backyard which is most exciting, and my daughter just took her first steps last week! I would love to share stories with others particularly those with young children. I'm sure most of the things we're experiencing are completely normal behaviour! We are also, shall we say, a little older (we are 40 and 47) so getting in shape and getting more sleep is even more important!

Congratulations on little Libby; I have had two c-sections and remember the early struggles. Please take the time to get some rest and recover so you can enjoy the many wonderful days ahead.

Look forward to hearing from others-

    Jeanne and I have been together since 1998 and we started trying to have a baby about two years ago.  First Jeanne tried for over a year without any luck.  Then I tried and was lucky enough to get pregnant pretty quickly.  Unfortunately, I became preeclamptic in my 30th week and I delivered via c-section in my 31st week.  This was just two weeks ago!  I was in the hospital for two weeks and our baby, Elizabeth, will remain in the NICU for another 3-5 weeks.  She weighed just under 3 pounds when she was born, but is already up to 3 pounds, 11 ounces.  We are blessed that she is doing very well.  She's breathing room-air and she's gaining weight.      

     The hardest part right now is that I want to spend more time with her than I can.  I was visiting her for about six to eight hours per day and I just wasn't healing properly.  Now I'm seeing her just once a day and Jeanne is going to see her more frequently.  It is sad that she's not here, but the time is going by relatively quickly and she'll be home before I know it.  I have a home nurse now and that is providing both Jeanne and me with peace of mind.  I hope that my health returns soon and I that I am able to visit with her more!

     During this ordeal, Jeanne has been amazing.  She is so strong and positive.  I feel that Elizabeth is so lucky to have two moms. I sleep better knowing that even if I can't be with her right now, Jeanne is right there for her.  

I'm going to try to figure out how to add some pictures of Libby (that's her nickname) to my profile.

Wish us luck!

I must say being a prototypical family has it's challenges as there is no template for two gay dads and two lesbian moms, but by golly they love their daddies and their daddies love them and we love having a break to ourselves a couple of times a month.  Usually they visit Ft Lauderdale at least once or twice a month for the weekend.  This will be the longest we've been away from the girls, but their dads have a vacation planned with them.

Parenting ain't for sissies, I can guarantee you that.  It is not for the faint of heart; the little ratheads will smell it on you.  They have you wrapped from their first suckle anyway.  Yeah, they had me at their first urp.  I go back to your post where you asked for being able to awake with the engraved mission of motherhood upon your heart.  You sound confident about your partner's wishes and abilities, but unsure about your own.  Don't know you, don't know your age, and god, I don't want to come across like some armchair shrink, but 10 to 1, you've never let fear hold you back from going after anything else.  And Fear in this case is simply respectng the Greater Than You Responsibility of holding and molding a child's life into that of a contributing adult.  Marcie and I were talking the other day about our lack of toeing the "being the grown up" line when our teenager pushed us to the edge with...well with everything teenagers do and don't do.  We had to remind ourselves we're not just raisng two children, we're teaching them how to be successful partners, we're creating future parents.  See, we envisioned everything, even peer meanness about having a gay family; everything, right up until adolescence.  I told Nikki last week that when she was a little girl she taught me how to see from a child's eyes again, to watch ants and bugs and clouds, see how rocks sparkle and every shell is special and therefore must be kept.  That was a lovely time and so fun to see, really experience those things again.  Now as a teen and reaching for independance and individual identity, she is again teaching us to see through her eyes, but now what she tells us she sees is not so fun, she sees our hypocracies and judgementalness, and impatience be they exhibited on the road, in WalMart or watching the news.  And wow!  What a journey, what a treasure...if I can just get comfortable with having become my father while looking like my mother.

Scuba, talk to other women in the Bay area.  Ya'll have such a tremendous women's force over there.  Surely there are groups to join if just for awhile and talk with others who are searching and researching.

Now, I will leave you be with two last toughts, two absolute truths of parenthood:

1) The negative side of parenting is you will never have the same amount of time, money or sex ever, ever, ever again.  But it's okay because you're too tired to use, spend or stay awake for it anyway.

2) If you think you know what it is to love someone to your soul's, to your heart's greatest capacity..... you have absolutely no idea how much love you are capable of feeling.  And then you wonder how you could love a second child as much as this one and you're proven silly again.

3) Do not attempt #3 where you buy your children too many pets, this is where being a lesbian and being a parent can come to crossroads.  This is the point where you realize that while you're in the deep end of the ocean loving your children, maybe taking a couple of gerbils and cats swimming would be ......sssshhhh, don't want PETA after me for mean jokes.

TTFN, Karen
 

 

We look forward to meeting you and Cheryl on the Greek Isles Cruise.  Although we're ecstatic to be taking an actual full two week "mommy break", I have no doubt I'll be jonesing for my girls about 3 days in.  My heart is touched by the sincerity of your quest (questioning yourself) about parenthood.  It was a dream I had begun  packing away - always a painful growing up and on process - when I met my Marcie.  We both held identical wishes about having a baby (s); we wanted to know the father whether he became a dad or not, we realized changes in aspects of our lives would occur, most we expected, some we did not but found all new parents, gay or straight, experienced the same.  We absorbed our first daughter right into our lives and habits and ways.  Her first camping trip was at 3 months old.  We did get rid of the tent and buy a pop up, but that was more for the pregnant lady than the baby.  Katie came along by way of Nikki's dad's partner four yeras later.  Yep, that's right, our girls have 2 moms and 2 dads.  They've been together 25 years, raised and tragically lost a son from Ed's brief marriage.  Marcie and I are in our 16th year and have, goddess help us, a 13 year old - stop rolling your eyes when I talk to you or I will start dancing in front of your friends, I swear I will - (humiliation is a powerful tool with adolescents); and a 9 year old who channels the Crocodile Hunter and knows no fear except sleeping by herself at night.

Oh, Scuba, I was so scared when we actually started impregnating, I was so afraid of not being ready, not being worthy, not being unselfish enough.  You know what, I was right.  There's never enough money, time, and if you ask them, love and devotion to divide between children, wife, self, career, birth family, lah, lah, lah all that makes up the life you live.   But you know what, I love my life.  I may want more time for me, I may wish I'd done this sooner, I may mutter every other day that I'm too old for this ***, but I would never change the honor of raising two baby women into grown women and having them in my life and in my hair and in my way and in my wallet.  The feel of those tiny hands in yours, the ache when they don't want to hold your hand anymore, the realization that "fixing" every hurt they experience doesn't "fix" anything for them, then teaching them how to turn hurt into fertilizer that grows this child to womanhood and .....holy ***, I wax poetic and I apologize.  Your post really touched me. 

I work for the school district on this side of Florida myself and I often think how the *** government requires a license or permit for everything from cutting hair to installing a hot water heater, but most anybody can make a baby.  You and your partner will be fine and very good at this because you are questing and questioning.  And you've asked the primary one and it's not, "What will our lives be like if we have a baby?"  It's "What will we miss if we don't try?"  Not all of us can get pregnant, I wasn't able to.  Freaky thing, turning 40 trying to get pregnant.  Great OBGYN though, she told me to hush and be thankful my family was blessed with two wombs. 

Any way, look forward to meeting you and Cheryl.  Take care, Karen, (and Marcie and Nik and Kat) and Scruffy and Mimi and Gypsy and Li'l Bit.............jeez, I need a break, when do we sail? 

My wife and I will be together for 10 yrs in May. Along this time we have discussed having kids, adopting abroad, fostering, getting sperm from trust-worthy friends, from a bank ......  there are so many factors it is easy get lost in the decision, the main one being - do I want a baby?

I choke when I think about our child not being accepted by my family, feeling rejection and discrimination from those who theoretically should love them most. Her family lives in another state so should we decide to let the family grow, we will have no support except for friends, although that will change. Friends always change when a baby is added to the equation.

Then we talk and I see what a fabulous little person we could raise together, a compassionate, loving, intelligent, respectful little boy or girl who would impact so many lives so positively .....  Cheryl is incredible with children and would be the most amazing mother .. such a care taker, provider, loving, affectionate, protective, nurturer, so patient and has expressed innumerous times how much she would love a little baby. I feel awful when I think about what I am depriving her of. She does anything and everything to make me happy, literally .... why can't I do this for her?

Self starts pounding again ......... both our careers are still developing and a child would pull the plug. Cheryl is a PA in Ortho and I am a sales manager for a commercial airline - we work hard to play hard. Trips to remote parts of the world is what makes our hearts beat faster so how do we make a little baby fit in? Would we have to give up the biggest drive in our lives? Or change it completely so it is safe and fit for a family? Or can we take that precious little life to not so safe places so they can learn to appreciate our differences and grow to spark changes among those who live so ... complacent and indifferent to the rest of the world?

Huge life-changing decision, why can't I wake up with a desire to be a mother engraved in my heart? Is this a process? Should I be reading or doing something to develop an instinct that thus far I don't have?

My partner and i have been together since Sept 2005/  SHe has a 13yr old son from her young straight days and I have a 5 yr old that I co-parent with my ex.   So together we have 2 boys.  they are fun, interesting and sometimes fight like brothers.  I wish we could find a good cruise to take them on where they are around other kids with families like theirs.  Hopefully within the next yr or two we will have another child. I would like to carry one. 

I am interested in knowing what organization did you use? 

 

How much was the cost?  How was the sperm donor was completed?

 

Thanks and look forward to your reply.

 

 

My wife and I live in Virginia Beach with our 11yo son, Adam.  As an elementary school librarian, I see lots of families of all makes and models.  I've seen straight ones that couldn't possibly be more loving and nurturing and I've seen gay ones that are falling apart and taking the kids down with them.  I think at the end of the day, the who and the how don't matter.  What matters is the why -- love. 

The biggest difference for "our" families is that society in general has become more respectful and therefore more supportive.  Our village gets larger and stronger every day and our children can only profit from that.

Moestress,

Thanks for the kind and encouraging words.I really believe our familites really want our kids and are much more  aware of creating loving and aware family units.

Im glad that I joined this group. Although I do not have my own family I would love to grow on with my partner one day. I applaude those of you who have broken the barriers and displayed that a family is full of love, honor, trust and companionship, not just a mother and father. There are plenty of " normal" or shall I say straight families out there that are tormented with problems everyday. No one family or person for that matter is "better" than the next.Especially when a family is working, learning and growing together. Congratulations!

I see we have 18 members in our group- would love to hear from some of you about your families!