All so well said!  Here's to raising that glass...or 2 or 3...to all you beautiful strong women!!!

 

Bridget, this is your time to be cared for, which means your time to be seen, heard, and known in your experience of grief and all of the strangeness that accompanies it.  It's not unusual for the caregiver to get lost in the process when their partner is ill. So do focus on yourself, do make this about you. Make this cruise a chance to know yourself in this new way.

Laura

Also Sally, I have been trying to message you but it keeps telling me I can't send a blank message even though I have written pages, okay just a few paragraphs, well a few setences but here is what I wrote in the last one because I am giving up trying to message.

 I appreciate your post - sometimes it's so overwhelming and everyone wants to talk about Teresa and I understand their need but sometimes I just want to say I am tired of talking about her.  Maybe it has just been about her for so long - well dammit, I want it to be about me - at least a little.  I know the cruise is a good and healthy decision for me even though I kept saying yes, no , yes but your post really did help me say yes.  Thank you.  I look forward to meeting you.

Jana, you have been so supportive for years.  And I really do appreciate it.  I can't tell you how touching some of your messages and posts were to me.  I am sorry I never took you up on the offer to talk with Azar but part of me was afraid.  We knew she was living on borrowed time.  But thank you.

Folks who have contacted me, perhaps unknowingly through a mutual friend, thank you.  The outpouring of love and caring warms my heart and while it doesn't fill the hole that is there, it makes the edges a little less rough.  The women of Olivia are the best.   And I can't wait to meet you all. 

I think by the cruise I will be ready to raise a glass in toast, maybe 2 or 3 or well math was never my strongest subject.  But I can close my eyes and envision being surrounded by the women of Olivia and feeling free.  I have to make my packing list. Which is much more fun than all the other kinds of lists I have been having to make.  Julie W - thank you for your hand holding.  I probably still wouldn't have made my airline reservations without your cheerleading and handholding.  And everyone and Jana you are near the top of the list ( after Julie and Phyl) thank you.

I'm glad you be able to make it even though you have to give up your saturdays, but I know it is worth it, hopefully you will be able to enjoy the company of the olivia family. talk to you soon

I survived my first day back to work.  It was actually good to get back.  Although after looking at what leave I have left I will have to work the next 2 Saturdays to have enough time for the cruise and the 3 extra nights in Fort Lauderdale.  Thankfully I know it will be worth it.  Can't wait to see y'all.

Bridget...good to here everything turned out well!

And from the way you described it all...I'm sure Teresa did approve!!

I'm glad you are still coming on the cruise...see you real soon...many hugs to you!!!

 

Thank y'all for the good thoughts.  They did indeed get me through.  It was a beautiful and uplifting service.  It began with playing Mercy Me's I Can Only Imagine and then Celine Dion's I'm Alive.  Teresa loved I Can Only Imagine and I'm Alive was our song.  We always danced like maniacs to it. I picked very positive readings about love and kindness.  And the pastor gave a very funny and loving service.  He is such a great guy.  And I was overwhelmed by how many people attended.  And her family actually liked the service and approved which if anyone is familiar with Church of Christ - well that's something.  I was afraid Celine's song would send them running.  But they are also being very kind to me and her godson.  I guess he's my godson now.  He'll be 18 this month and is a fine young man.  But for me - I am feeling content.  I think Teresa would be pleased with the service.  Her cousin, a CPA, is executor of the estate and I have done most of what I need to do.  Now I can plan for the cruise.  I love my Olivia family and can't wait to be with y'all.  Thank you again for all your kind thoughts and support.

 

Sending you strength to get through today, and protective vibes to surround you when you have to deal with your partner's family.

It is noon and we are thinking about you Bridget. Know you will get through this fine because you are so strong.

 

Getting ready for the celebration of life service this morning and I am dreading it.  It's not the service itself but greeting all the people.  The thought of it exhausts me.  I will get through it and it will be gratifying to see how loved and well thought of Teresa was.  But I feel guilty that I just want to get it over with.  Fortunately the Lutheran Church that we belong to is wonderful.  The pastor has made it clear to me that as far as the church is concerned that I and her godson are her family and will be seated first. Teresa was not out to her family.  They are Church of Christ - very conservative.  I have a great church family and they have really been loving and supportive and protective.  Okay time to get my butt in gear and put on my big girl panties.  Thank you to everyone for your caring and support.  More later.

 

Sally, I am so sorry for your loss.  If you ever need an ear to listen let me know. Hope to meet up with you on the trip.

Margaret

 

 

Bridget, I am so sorry for your loss.  I totally understand the mixed feelings, and it's OK to experience both relief and tranquility after a loved one suffered so much.  You definitely deserve a retreat, and please know that K.C. and I will be around for extra hugs, drinks, dinner, or just being there for you.

 

 

I believe it is the Thursday before the cruise.  I am going to look for airfare right now.

 

Sorry for your loss, like you said she's in a better place now. Maybe the olivia family can help you heal, specially with al the support from the olivia family. Looking foward to meet you as new friend