Hello everyone.  My partner and I have been together for 22 years.  Like most relationships, we have been through all the ups and downs of life.  Births, deaths, job changes, severe illnesses, travels, weddings, funerals and all those other events that bring us joy and sadness, laughter and tears.  And yes, even some doubts about our relationship, but through it all we always had each other.  Nothing is quite the same as the beginning of a relationship, everything is new and the passion is strong.  However, NOTHING is better than the feeling one gets from a relationship that is based on true committment, even when times are hard.  There is nothing stronger.

I also have questions about the romance/sex drive thing.  I'm in my early 40's and have been experiencing symptoms of perimenopause--hot flashes, mood swings, etc for around 2 years now.  As a stroke survivor, I am not a candidate for HRT so I've been on herbal supplements for about a year and a half.  They have REALLY helped with the majority of symptoms, but I still seem to have no sex-drive.  I can even watch the really hot scenes on the L-Word and have no reaction what-so-ever.  As a Leo who has traditionally had a very high sex-drive, this is getting very frustrating.  I'm afraid it is harder on my partner (who is older than I am but is just now starting the hot flashes)  Any advice?  My partner and I would appreciate any help.

I guess that maybe I came across the wrong way. I enjoy spending Christmas with both families. I will not let a major holiday go by without spending it with my parents and my partner is the same with hers. I would never forgive myself if one of my parents passed away and I didnt get a chance to celebrate that last holiday with them. My partners father passed away a year ago, and I see how hard it was for her not to have him there, the problem was the year before we couldnt get there for Christmas and she missed his last Christmas with him. I know that we cant look into the furture and see when our parents or anyone for that matter will no longer be with us. You are lucky that you all live so close together, be thankful.

As for gifts on Christmas, never really been an important thing to me, love that comes from the families is all that I need.

Hi!  Wow I guess I should be grateful that I have had nothing but amazing holidays since I met my partner Joanne.  Both of our families are very supportive of us and want to spend the holidays with us.  Joanne's family is more about the actual day, so we try to make a point of being with them (it helps that they live in the same city, where my family does not).  I had the best Christmas this year as my father is battling terminal cancer and was not expected to make it to Christmas, but we were all together this year, my brother and sisters, and their families too. So now I have this great photo of all of us together.

I think it is important for us to remember that the day can be whatever we want it to be.  We really enjoy waking up together, turning on the lights on the tree, having a big breakfast and taking the morning slow.  For the first few years there was a lot of pressure for us to be at Jo's parents house first thing in the morning to celebrate.  Once we explained to them that we are not children anymore, we don't need to rush to get our gifts from Santa, they respected that.  It makes the day a lot less stressful, Joanne and I can celebrate our traditions, heck one year we didn't see them until Boxing day (Canadian holiday the day after Christmas)!  We celebrate the importance of family but we do not make it about the day, it could be any day.  We make sure that we celebrate in a way that makes everyone feel loved, starting with ourselves......then we tear into the gifts!!! 

bchristolear - thank you for your post!  you hit the proverbial 'nail on the head' here and you did it with great love and humor!  we must be the change we wish to see when it comes to our families.  meaning: self respect in action leads to respect from the rest of the world! 

I had a question about the Romance and sex drive topic.  My wife and I are going on 4 years and she has MS so her drive hasn't had too much of a drive but over the past couple of years mine has really gone away and I've been trying all kinds of things and I just can't get Jumpstarted I know I'm not going through the change or anytrhing I'm only 32...I see that some of you are Nurses so I was wondering if any of you had any advice you could give....thanks a bunch!

Holidays haven't been much of an issue for us....my family is all over the place and we haven't gotten together for many holidays over the years...we did spend one Christmas with my mom before she passed in Puerto Rico it was really nice.  My wife's family is very close and live near us so we spend most holidays with them. 

Carrie and I have been together 10 years.  We alternate the major holidays with our families.  We'll do Thanksgiving at my folks and Christmas with her family and switch it up the next year.  It works well for the most part.  Occasionally my mom, who lives in her own world of unicorns and leprechauns, tries to make me feel guilty, but I'm getting better about putting my foot down.

I am also curious - how do other group members handle holidays as far as family, visiting, etc.?

babz

smallfry - your situation is a common one for couples.  it's interesting that you shared your current situation.  if it were an ideal world, would you do anything to change how you handle the holidays???? 

babz

My partner and i have been together 20 years. When we get "lost" we make dates. And no matter how tired we are, we make ourselves go. Just a different place with a slower pace can make you you at each other in a different light.

Could the lost sex drive be a combination of fatigue and perimenopause? (From one nurse to another)

 

 

This is a great site and a great group! We are very excited to read and post and talk to other women who are in relationships.  I love hearing other couples story on how they met and things they are going through.

My wife and I have been together going on 4 years.  I just turned 32 and my wife will be 30 this year.  We met by chance....my friends finally got me to go out with them after a bad break-up and finding out my mom had *** cancer and I was getting out of the military all at one time...needless to say I was a mess.  We went to pick-up another friend who was my now wife's roommate.  While we were waiting my wife came to living room for a minute said hi and went out on the porch to smoke a cigerate and I was like who is that....she's really cute.  So, We went out to our local club and she showed up...I was so nervous....we talked for awhile.  After a few weeks of going back and forth and just seeing each other now and then at the club we finally exchanged numbers.  We talked all night for a few days and finally I had enough nerves to ask her out on a date.  It was great!!! It was history after that.  This is the short version because some funny things happened during all this but this post is getting long.  We are very happy...we have two dogs our boys Jax and Harvey.  We have gone through a lot together.  We lost my mom two years ago to *** Cancer and that's a whole story in itself and my wife was my rock. My wife has MS so that's been a big challenge, but she is doing great she stopped smoking which was a big plus since I'm not a smoker.  I guess that's a little about us for now...I am really looking foward to the other posts....I hope you all have a great day!

I would like to open a subject about how to keep romance in your relationship! I have been with my partner for 10 years and with raising a family of 6 kids together and one grandchild we have gotten lost!! My partner has lost her sexual drive and we seem more like roommates any suggestions???

 

Well I'm sure that we have all had our share of ups and downs. My partner and I have been together now almost 6 years. I am from Cleveland and she is from WV. Its been very hard deciding how to spend holidays together. Of course she wants to spend them with her family and I want to spend them with mine. So, this means a lot of driving to make time for everyone else happy. We have yet to spend a Christmas together, but the love we have for eachother means more to us than a holiday. Our families are important to both of us, so we usually celebrate holidays the next day. I know that this really isnt an up or down, just a little something to share.

 

 

smallfry - great idea - be sure to tell all your couple friends to join and while you're online and out in the community be sure to tell them about this discussion group and invite them to join to:

talk about their relationships - their ups and downs and how they've weathered them!

smallfry - i see you are in a relationship - would you be willing to go first and share something about your relationship?

babz