Hi, Tanja,

The most important sex organ is the brain. It sounds like you'll have the outcome you want when you've dealt with some of these stresses. Stay optimistic!

Mary

Thank you so much for all the advice...It has been a hard 4 years...I must say through it all my wife has been my rock.  There is a lot more to everything that I wrote...and you are right I know I most likely need to talk to someone...I don't think I really delt well with my mom passing...because I was not with her....I was on my way home from overseas when she passed.  I was going to check with my doctor about doing a hormone workup on me during my next annual check-up and see how everything looks.  I am still young with lots of life in me.  I know life can get rough sometimes but I am sure we'll weather through it..... thank you again 

Tanja

I should mention that my doctor first did a hormone panel to check them out.

I'm a licensed psychotherapist and when I was in private practice, I saw a lot of lesbian couples. It was rare that a drop in sexual function was due to something physical. I saw a lot of things like stress, grief, depression, etc. and when those improved the sex problem did, too. You've had a lot of change in your life over the last four years and are partnered with someone who has a chronic illness. Maybe you just need someone to talk to. 

Don't give up!

flyneagle,

I was experiencing a reduction in sexual desire/pleasure and my doctor added testosterone to my hrt. The effect was remarkable. I wonder if there are any supplements that mimic testosterone and would be safe to take.

It seems as though you've already hit on a solution...keeping the products you enjoy separate from the rest. So, she can either go out and buy herself those products, too, or use the thrifty brands you leave for her. It sounds as if you're not going to change her behavior - you can only change the way you react to it.  It might help to tell her that it feels as though she is disrespecting you when she  does what she does. Maybe she hasn't looked at it that way.

Mary

First just let me say that, if this is the biggest problem you have to worry about, be thankful. Some things you just have to accept as your partners "little quirks". Is it worth making an issue out of?

Second, Baldcats, you mention that she is using up all of the product that 'you' bought. Aren't you two married? My interpretation of marraige is that there is no 'yours' and 'mine'.

To answer your question, yes, it does seem a little petty to me. Lighten up and focus on what you love about her, rather than the things about her that drive you crazy.

Bev

ok, folks may say i'm coming down hard here but here's my gut response:

if someone can't respect our boundaries, don't 'play with' them.  why should you let your partner disrespect your wishes, just because you sleep with her?  in this case, unless you are both independently wealthy, take care of yourself first and let her fend for herself if she's unwilling to acknowledge your concerns and work with you to come to a 'compromise' that works for the two of you!

yes, it's sad, in a way, but perhaps you are 'enabling' her to continue in her self-centered ways by how you are handling the situation.  your partner has yet to grasp the meaning of sharing life with another person!  in a way it's a small issue, however, if she's this way in other areas of decision-making, watch out!

babz