Also I must say you have made alot of progress in 6 weeks. you went from NO ONE KNOWS to everyone knows in a very short amount of time.

Have you ever been in a committed relationship with a female ??

I'm Southernmiss the one who started it all. I'm now out to my whole family and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've lost some relationships that I didn't expect but such is life. I knew it would be hard for some and easier for others and that was exactly what it was. I let them all ask questions that I knew they all had and I think it helped them deal. It was made very clear that you don't have to like my lifestyle but you will respect me. All is as good as it is going to be and I'm ok w/it. I'm glad that my secret life is no longer a secret. Now if someone can give me dating tips I would appreciate that. I've never dated openly at home which is where I am now, and advice?   

Hello All,

I too was married for 19 years and have two beautiful daughters as a result of that.  I fell in love with C and it has been the most amazing experience of my life.  My 16 year old still lives with her dad and is not very accepting of my life as it is now.  My 20 year old lives with C and I and is great with the both of us.  I won't say that we didn't have our knock down drag outs, it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I left him and the girls and moved in with my parents, really hard thing to do when you are 42.  Anyway about four months later my oldest came to live with me and the both of us moved in with C.  Things have been great and she is very protective of my relationship with C.  My kids have shown cattle since they were very young and that is what we do for all of our spare time.  With that group of people they are not aware of my new lifestyle and keep asking me when I am going to start dating.  I just keep avoiding the topic and let them know that I am happy and don't need to be dating anyone.  I also don't want anyone in the show circuit to know in fear of any side effects that might have on my kids.  They have been through enough and I want to leave it alone.  My youngest will not do anything with me if C is present, no soccer games or cattle shows.  If I am going to bring along C, I am to stay home.  She has made it very clear that I am not to bring her to any of her functions.  I am hoping that in time will change, I am sure her dad has filled her head with alot crap. 

I would not trade the decission I made for anything, I am finally living freely and am happier than ever.  Now if I could just get C to come out to her parents things would be good, but that is her decision and I am not going to push the issue.  My parents love her and they live here local, her parents are out of town and it makes it alot easier.  I just don't go with her to visit.  All in all it's all good!

Hello All -

I dated only men all of my life although I did experiment a few times.  When I met L, she knocked my socks off and I decided she was who I wanted to be with.  We spent the first major holiday with my family, with her coming along as a friend who had no other family in town for the weekend.  Later, we moved in together and I would find myself on the phone with my mom referring to the "spare" bedroom, which was supposed to be L's bedroom.  It had only been about 6 months, but I wanted them to know the truth.  I finally got both parents in the same room and told them L and I were in a relationship.  My mom smiled and said, "We though as much."  I almost fell over.  :)

 Since then, I have told my closest old high school friends.  We get together usually once a year.  Several of them had figured it out the first time they saw me with L for just a few minutes, the others took it in stride.  I have come out to a few coworkers, but I didn't go around and tell everyone who knew me to date men that I was a lesbian now.

I live in Houston and I am not comfortable being outwardly affectionate here with a woman.  When I was in high school (I am 39) a knew boys from school who would come up to Houston to "beat up the fags".  Houston still has gay bashing incidents, although we do have an active gay scene and communities (at least I hear it is out there - I'm still looking for it!).

I guess what I'm saying is you have to do what works for you.  If you are comfortable with laying the cards on the table, you also have to be comfortable with letting people take it how they will.  Some will be supportive, some may not understand, but once you get it out of you, I think YOU will feel better about letting it out.  There may be consequences, so you have to balance those with the desire to be honest.  Maybe there are things you need to handle before you come out.  

CarolandLinda - One thing I got from your story is how easy it can be to make up so much of the "what ifs" in life and then try to avoid them.  You were just you and others were able to just see who you were instead of seeing you trying to cover up something (or whatever their interpretation would be had you not been as forthcoming about your relationship) and wondering what else was there.  OK, I'm babbling now. 

 Hello Everyone - After living most of our adult lives in the closet to our families and co-workers, my partner and I had a very strange experience. 

We went on a rafting trip down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon in 2005 and were the only gay couple (lesbian couple) out of the 28 people on the trip.  We were rather matter of fact about our relationship, though we didn't flaunt anything.  At the end of the trip the other rafters told us that because we were so open and matter of fact about our relationship it made it very easy for them to be open and matter of fact about it too.  They all said we made them feel perfectly okay about it.  We were rather flabbergasted, but took that to mean that hiding away in the closet should maybe be a thing of the past.

We are rather fortunate in that we live in the Seattle metropolitan area where being gay is no big deal, either at places of employment or in social settings.  And Canada, where same-sex marriage is legal, is just a hop, skip and jump away.  So we're going to Canada in October and be married.  We screwed up our courage and announced our intentions to my partner's son and his family, all of my family, and all of our straight friends (of which we have many), and lo and behold everyone was excited as heck.  They're flying in from California, Oklahoma, all over the place for the wedding.  My partner, who before the announcement was just 'a roommate' to my family, has all of a sudden become everyone's sister in law or cousin or whatever.  It's absolutely amazing.  The impending wedding has apparently legitimized our relationship to everyone!

Sooo, in our experience it appears that if you are stand-up, confident, non-apologetic and matter of fact about your relationship, most everyone will accept it as is.  And some will even applaud it.  I would never have dreamed that to be true even a few years ago.  But times, they are a changin'.  Of course, it helps to be retired or able to thumb your nose at your boss :), but even employers are seeing the light in many, many places and are offering benefits to domestic partners.     

So stand up, be proud of who you are, be confident, be yourselves, and let the world deal with that as it may.  As always, jmho, ymmv.

Carol (and Linda) 

Thank you julesd3724 for your comments to my situation. I have since the posting of my dilemma come out to 4 people very close to me, one of which made me feel like she was Barbara Walters w/the amount of questions she had, the others strangly enough thought about past conversations we've had and figured it out. Wasn't surprised really, I couldn't believe it. It was extrememly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. My daughters birth was easier you know drugs helped (ha ha). I feel a little bit better becasuse at least w/these few people I can now me myself. I told the one who still has some resistants that I can keep this part of of my life seperate from her until she feels more comfortable w/it. Everyone else looks at it as now I now have no reason to be lonely. I miss dating, not so much dating but companionship. I am a strong willed woman who is trying to raise my daughter the same way. At this age she has never seen me in the company of anyone, I've always kept that part of my life seperate from her. I never wanted her to see different people coming in and out of my life,and still don't. Though I imagine when that special woman walks into my life like your girlfiend did I'll sit down and explain how you can't control who you love and nor should you. I don't want her to live her life in fear as I have. It's nice to know that I'm not alone though. Thank you again for your input, I would like to talk more to you. Any thoughts about  dating?   

I really feel for you, southernmiss.....i just came out a year and a half ago, leaving behind a 20 year troubled) marriage and needing to deal with 3 kids and their thoughts on the subject.  My kids were 16, 18 and 20 when I met my girlfriend.  I met her at work, and really had no idea what hit me, but I knew I was feeling something and the more I got to know her, the more I had to admit that I was falling in love and it just felt RIGHT......so, I left, got an apartment, got to know my girlfriend better and then we bought a place about 8 months ago....

 I'm not sure if it's worse for you, living in the south, I live in CT, work and live in the same small are I grew up in, so alot of people I know still don't know about me, but a bunch of my coworkers do and my extended family does and most everyone has been great.  I'm not sure how you raised your daughter to feel/think about different types of family, but I took it upon myself (because my ex was DEFINETLY not as liberated as I am) to raise my kids to not think in terms of race, color, sexuality, class, etc.  I asked them to be good human beings and to love...I think that made it easier when I told them I was dating a woman, but we've still had plenty of bumps along the way.

I remember when I first started dating me ex, I kept it such a secret at work.....I finally told my coworkers about 6 months into the relationship and they were sooo happy for me, and told me I was a much happier person.  I guess that's a common theme that I've heard from the people around me, even my kids told me I'm much less of a *** since I met m girl :)....but I still get paralyzed with fear sometimes when I think about running into people on the street that I've know forever, or even some of the doctors in the practice where I work wouldn't be too happy about it (although 3 of them know, and they are very cool about it....)

 You have to figure out what you're own path is and then live it.  Your daughter will be absolutely fine, it sounds like you are a strong willed woman who has done a great job already....my 17 year old always tells my girlfriend and I that he is a much happier kid since living with the two of us in an unconditional love household...that makes me feel good.

 I have no idea if I helped or not, and I'd be happy to talk to you about whatever, whenever you feel like it.  Hang in there, girl.

julesd3724

My name is southernmiss. I'm a 32 yr old woman who has had an interest in woman since high school, this is a secret NO ONE KNOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What does someone do when their whole life has been lived as a heterosexual woman. I've only dated men since I was 16 yrs old. I even have an 8 yr old daughter by my a man I was w/for 8 yrs who all of a sudden wanted out for another woman whom he is now married to. This was someone who I lived my whole life around. When it was good it was great, when it went bad it blew up. The parting gift was mybeautiful daughter Sierrah. To this day she doesn't know her father. People are always asking me who haven't seen me in a while why aren't I married? My reply is always that marriage isn't for everyone, least of all me. The truth is that I've always pictured myself married w/kids since I was a little girl.The picture is now different and I see myself w/ a woman not a man. I have these dreams about this faceless woman and I wonder could this be who I'm suppose to be w/? The truth is I get nervouse when woman approach me because I think my secret will then be out and that someone will see me and then I will be forced to come clean a reveal that my whole life is a *** lie. I yearn to live to be free but what will it cost me? My daughter is so young and what do I do about her and her feelings? She has been taught in school about families being a man and a woman. Please someone reach out to me and give me some much needed advice, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!