Educators often talk about “the teachable moment.” That spontaneous, organic opportunity that avails itself, often when you least expect it. In that moment, you and the “learner” find an answer, discover something new, and probably ask another question.
What’s so great about parenting is that you get to be on both sides of the “teachable moment.”
Here’s an example. Day One of Kindergarten. Our daughter sits in the circle at her progressive private school classroom and the kids introduce themselves. “I’m Sophie. I have two moms and I’m adopted,” she says when it’s her turn. There’s a slight buzz and some questioning faces. One boy blurts out, “Two moms? That’s not possible. You can’t have two moms.” “That’s right,” another child agrees. “You can have a dad and a mom, or just a mom, or just a dad, but not two moms.” “Actually,” Sophie responds using her no-nonsense tone of voice. “I have THREE moms. Mommy, Mama, and Katie, whose belly I came out of.”
The kids take this in for a moment, and then they move fluidly on to the next person in the circle. When I pick Sophie up, I greet the Kindergarten teacher, an older Japanese-American woman who has taught at the school for many years. “That Sophie,” she says, shaking her head. “She sure let us know right off who she is.”
For a moment I’m worried that on day one, my kid is going to be kicked out of school… but instead, listen to what had transpired that day in the classroom. I learn that my daughter has the where-with-all, poise, and strong sense of self to “come out” to a group of strangers without any prompting or help from an adult. And that she is very comfortable in her beautiful five year old skin.
I then take a “teachable moment” of my own to talk to the teacher who has not in her 25 years at the school actually had a lesbian family in her classroom. I fill her in on the basics of being a lesbian family, note our sensitivities and hot buttons, and talk about what that means in the context of our school. I start the dialog that will continue throughout the school year.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a parent is never underestimate your kid. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a lesbian parent is that if you give your kid the information, she can take it from there.
We have from day one talked to Sophie openly, told her our story in simple words. When she was about two, we made her a “birth book” which chronicles her arrival. She is proud of who she is and where she comes from. And we are very proud of her.
Do you have any “teachable moments” to share?
Just a few relevant links:
http://www.glsen.org/
GLSEN, or the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, is the leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for ALL students.
http://www.rainbowrumpus.org/htm/ptf_index.htm
The magazine for kids with LBGT parents.
http://www.rainbowrumpus.org/htm/ptf_june07_garner.htm#ptf_abbigailgarner
Drawing the Honest Family Portrait in Grade School.
http://www.familypride.org/reportcard/
An action guide for LGBTQ parents and allies to make their school experiences better, safer and more inclusive of our families.