Olivia Lesbian Travel: Lesbian Cruises, Lesbian Resorts and Lesbian Vacations

Lesbians Facing Life and Death

JuliePhineas — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 00:24:00 GMT

There is an entire class of lesbians in the world that nobody gives much thought to... lesbians who are facing death.

It's easy to say that we are all dying (whether you are gay, straight, asexual or trans); but that really can't compare to the impending doom of actually knowing how long you have until you're going to die.

If you’ve been a reader of this blog for the past year you might know that I have an illness that affects many lesbians called PCOS. This is something I have had for over a decade now and so I thought it was a routine problem when I started having pain in my abdomen a few months ago. I didn’t even think too much of it when I lost close to 15 pounds in just one week shortly after. I did start to worry however, when I noticed that I had a fever which wasn’t going away.

After a few visits to my doctor, ultrasounds, a CT scan and an MRI, my doctor was telling me I had two tumors in my liver that “looked pretty bad”. By this time 6 weeks had gone by and my pain had begun to spread from my abdomen and through to my back, and I was in bed for a good portion of the day when the pain was too intense. When he told me that the tumors in my liver “looked pretty bad” and “could possibly be liver cancer”, I still held my head up high and I tried not to be too worried. Waiting for the results of my biopsy was hard to do. Doing my research online, I tried to find hopeful information; and knowing that many people have beaten cancer before, I held on to the knowledge that I could too.

Throughout the process I was faced with new experiences and relationships with strangers in an extremely tough time. Every time I took a major test I would have to answer the basic questions and essentially ‘come out’ to every person who took my health insurance information and emergency contact name, and sometimes explain to nurses why I wasn’t taking birth control. Because I was a young 31 years of age, many of the hospital workers who where assigned to me for whatever reason were curious to know about my tumors and basic health situation, which would eventually lead to them asking who the woman was that was with me. It was always a toss up on how they would react when I would respond with “She’s my wife”.

My friends and family had a variety of responses too, and it made the situation that much more real. Because I am a mom my main concern is always my children, and so even though I didn’t want to worry any of my family or friends, I had to let them know what was going on so that they could help me keep an eye out for the kids. Looking into the situation I was facing brought me down to my knees, and so I asked for everyone in my inner circle to pray and meditate on the situation to bring a positive outcome if possible.

The life expectancy of someone who is facing liver cancer is just 3-6 months, and for me, two months had already passed since I began to notice pain. My fever had gone away, my blood work was clear and I was noticing that I could bring my pain down if I didn’t eat very much – so I had hope; but I wasn’t taking any chances and I decided to call the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, which I had seen commercials for on television with many survivors of cancer. I browsed their website for their survivors list which was very long. There were many survivors of breast cancer, and other cancers, but for liver cancer there was just one.

I was truly terrified that this could be it for little ole me! But I was not giving up and prepared myself for a fight.

When I called the Cancer Treatment Centers of America I spoke to a gentleman who was very sympathetic to my situation and who had been cancer free for twenty years. I was very pleased to find out that they would pay the travel expenses for me AND for my wife to fly out to their center for treatments. My sexual orientation was not a factor at all for them and I was very comfortable calling on them for help.

I talked to my family about what would happen if the biopsy showed cancer, and also took a trip to LegalZoom.com to get started on the legal paperwork I had put off for so long. I needed a Power of Attorney for general legal affairs, a Living Will to make known my wishes for resuscitation and donor status, and a Last Will to make known my wishes should I pass away. My wife and I had never talked about things like this before, only jokingly or in passing. But this situation brought us face to face with reality and we had some of the deepest most meaningful conversations we have ever had in these past few months.

During this time I didn’t really have much energy to blog or work on any of my lezsites, but I did find that there are other lesbians out there facing the same situations just by noticing those around me while on my medical travels. Sometimes you can hear patients in the hallway outside your room, or when you are at the front desk at your doctor’s office. Dropping off prescriptions, and filling out forms I bumped into many gay girls along the way.

Ironically, it was a gay girl who gave me my biopsy results and I am truly thankful to her because she handed me the best news of my life… the tumors are NOT cancer! W H E W!!!

It’s hard for me to be speechless but this day I was! The only way that I can explain it, is that I was doing cartwheels on the inside for miles and miles. LOL

My whole network of friends and family were celebrating and excited and happy that we dodged that bullet. I truly feel like I have been given a new lease on life!

After visiting a few more specialists I have been scheduled for an outpatient surgery in a few days and some other procedures in the coming weeks. These things should bring me some pain relief but ultimately knowing that I don’t have to worry about things like chemotherapy is the biggest relief for me right now. At my last appointment my doctor told me that my pains are “not life threatening” and I can enjoy my holidays which is exactly what I intend to do.

Now that I am not facing death, I find that I have to face my life instead!

That’s a whole different experience altogether, and the most important thing that I have found through it all is in surrounding yourself with people who love and support you, and supporting the people that you love as well.

I’ve found myself focused on what is really important in my life, and I hope that sharing this story with you will help you to do the same. Life really is too short, and if you stop and think about it – have you done all that you want to with your life? Have you said all that you need to say? Have you lived out all that you need to live? It’s definitely worth thinking about… and then living!

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of two living with her wife in Southern California. You can find out more about her and view her photos by visiting her page on My Space here.

If you are a lesbian facing Cancer, you can find helpful information specifically for lesbians at www.MautnerProject.org.

Not Up In The Air

KateClinton — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 00:04:00 GMT

Just returned from emceeing the 25th Annual Gay & Lesbian Leadership Conference in San Francisco. The opening night reception was held in the gorgeous SF City Hall, with a welcome by the equally gorgeous Mayor Newsom. We toasted to the courage of SF’s Harvey Milk who thirty years ago urged gays out of the closet, into the streets and then into the seats of power.

The next two days featured panels [life not death panels] on the state of the movement, social networking; plenaries on international LGBT work, green economies and a great conversation with WI Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin and CO’s newbie Congressman Jared Polis moderated by the witty Jonathan Capeheart.   Hidden in the bowels of the hotel there was a boot camp training for 40 LGBTs who plan to run for office.   They emerged tired and squinting, but bursting with info and enthusiasm for running a successful campaign.

Of course there was also lots of schmoozing, adult beverages and late night appreciating of SF. I prefer to call it ideation. The Victory Fund is fully committed to getting LGBT leaders elected to office from the local to the national level. It’s nothing I have the stomach for - I fantasize adult behaviors like throwing pink smoke bombs onto the Senate Floor whenever Joe Lieberman speaks. I am glad LGBT people have the guts and cojones for elected office and I was honored to be with them.

My last official duty of 2009 was co-hosting the Out Music Awards, an ambitiously planned evening at Webster Hall in NY, to honor LGBT singers and songwriters. With many live performances, award presentations and acceptance speeches the bad news is that the night did run long. Good news? I finished my on-line holiday shopping, started and finished my greeting cards, gave myself and my co-host a manicure, learned Spanish and prayed that this wasn’t what hell was going to be like.

With the Yes on K8 tour complete, I have grounded myself for a few weeks and plan only to use my Xootr for transportation. I believe in hibernation and plan to use my time wisely. Since I finished most of my tasks at the Ouch Music Awards, I’m free to take naps, watch movies, see friends, read, write and plan for 2010’s Lady HaHa Tour.   It’s going to be a lot of laughs.

Weather Girl

KateClinton — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:17:00 GMT

“Purpose of your visit?”

“To visit friends.”

“And you’re only staying one night?”

“It’s for a party.”

“Are you bringing gifts?”

“No.”

As usual I began my trip to Vancouver, feeling like a really bad friend. As we began our descent into the clouds over the beautiful western Canadian city, I was feeling a little feverish, and worried it might be the Swine Flu. But it turns out, it was Olympic Fever. The Winter Games begin in February and there’s a frantic undertone in the usual tranquility of Vancouver.

The veteran organizer Pat Hogan of Sounds and Furies Productions met me. She really is a production feminist friend from way back and seems to have longer days than most mortals. The show was in Wise Hall, an old cultural and sports center, that has been refurbished from its days as a post-game drinking hole for Welsh, Scottish, Irish and English teams. I had prepared for the requisite percentage of “Canadian content” but was mostly chagrinned to be describing our American struggle for marriage equality and healthcare. They have both in Canada. Their forbearance had just a tinge of justifiable smugness.

The next day, after hours of annoying if efficient immigration lines, I flew into Seattle, WA and hitched a ride with Seattle producer, Paul Bauer for a one hour drive to Olympia. Nothing like car rides for uninterrupted catch-up. That night I performed at the gorgeous Washington Center.   Before the show, I stopped over to the Chica’s Café for a 50th birthday party my friend Kathy [aka Doodle] Smith hosted for her girlfriend. I’ll go anywhere for a Scorpio sister.

The next morning I left two days of rain and fifty degrees. In the Northwest they don’t say rain. They say drizzle, and only tourists use umbrellas. One woman told me since it rains all the time, you just can’t give into it. But what about my hair?
When I landed in Phoenix it was hot and dry. Luckily I had stored up hydration or I would have split down the middle.

But the ever-prepared Barbara McCullough-Jones, from Equality Arizona met me with a bottle of water. EA has done lots of events at the Fairmont Hotel in Scottsdale, so my lodgings were gratis. The place is a huge resort, but the man who took me to my room knew the way and it turned out he was from my hometown of Buffalo, NY. On our long trek, we shared about lake effect and the heartbreak of the Buffalo Bills.

That night I performed to a great crowd at the Wrigley Mansion. Yes, of the gum fame. Though not Nicorette, so what’s the point? Arizona is a state that has valiantly fought the Mormons and the right wing for marriage equality, so it was a great night to let off steam. Also good hydration.

After a great breakfast chat with Barbara about all the strategies they’ve been doing to change hearts and minds in AZ, I flew to Tucson. The town is a bit bluer than the red of Phoenix and that day they were having their huge annual Day of the Dead Parade. The lovely Kristen Birner, a friend from back in the Olivia, Redwood travel booking days, and a transplant to Tucson of six years, produced the show for the Alliance. At the reception after I met the Alliance board members, Lane Aldrich an artist and transplant from Bowling Green OH, special guests and a wonderful group of young LGBT and allies who work with Wingspan, their LGBT center.

The next morning at 5am, Jeff who with his partner runs The Royal Elizabeth B&B where I stayed very happily, got up and drove me to the airport. He wouldn’t hear of taxi.   Jeff and Chuck are Long Island/DC transplants – I met one native Arizonan in two days – gracious hosts and political activists. I had one of the best early morning to the airport conversations I’ve ever had. Even better than the 430a ride to O’Hare with the vet at the Chicago Zoo who told me how she got rhino semen. Another story, another time.

Safely and happily home now in Manhattan. It’s freaky warm for November and about to rain, this day after my birthday. My life is a gift.

Election Day

KateClinton — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:00:00 GMT

At 7:30 this election morning, we walked to our local polling place in the elementary school, past the “Vote Aqui” signs, past the bake sale moms, the cellophaned chocolate chip Frisbees and into the voting area. The elderly near-sighted, hard-of-hearing, darling polling ladies found our names. We signed the right spaces, went into the booth and voted. I love yanking that riverboat-sized lever that registers my votes. We walked out. It took about five minutes.

Last year we went to vote at 6 a.m., joined the end of a huge, line snaking down the block, dark morning air dotted with puffs of steam from coffee. Inside the packed, bikram muggy voting area, we were sent from one table to the next, stood in more lines and finally voted for Barack Obama. It took about an hour. It was just getting light as we left.

What a year it has been. No doubt you have your own ups and downs for your personal political highlights reel. When I view my own reel it seems to go into slo-mo on gay issues at first with Rick Warren, DADT and DOMA dallying, but then speeds up with the signing of the Hate Crimes bill and the lifting of the HIV immigration ban. I used the split screen function for economy, environment and education highlights. Obama’s got a lot going on. I spliced in a lot of art, music, vegetable garden, and Michelle footage. Lots of Michelle highlights. There’s too much quagmire footage.

I’m waiting to hear how my brother Bill did in his re-election bid to his city council in PA and for LGBT news from Kalamazoo, Washington and Maine. The governor’s race in NJ is too close to call. Our mayor’s audacious bid for a third term seems a done deal.

But mostly I am remembering last Election Day, stomach in knots, approaching-avoiding exit poll news, obsessively cleaning. That night at a friend’s house we watched, stunned as Barack Hussein Obama hit the required electoral count and heard the city erupt around us. Today a year after that historic election night, I realize I am happy to be a year into the Obama administration.

Sit on My Lapse

KateClinton — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 19:36:00 GMT

When people wonder to me about what I’ll do without George Bush, I tell them that I’ll always have the Pope. And of course, the Cheneys who are keeping America safe, but not from themselves. I could do a whole new ninety minute Pope show if it weren’t so annoying to my never or now non-Catholic friends. We lapsed Catholics find ourselves endlessly interesting, but it is a special ring of hell for listeners.

From his dubious just-following holy orders deep past, to his more recent past as Czar of the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith, under his old boss Pope John Paul II, who is beginning to look as benign as Mr. Magoo, Pope Benedict XVI’s highlight reel of his four years pontificating is a doozy.

Like a sandcastle basilica facing an incoming tide, the RCC is facing a sea of secularism, and the Pope is using his mitered shovel to dig a futile moat. Since attendance at confession is down, big time, he upgraded sins for the modern era: drug dealing, corporate greed, child abuse. He incentivized confession by bringing back indulgences. Think double coupon days. He got rid of Limbo, just when I was getting over the loss of Pluto. He went to Africa and recklessly said that condoms have nothing to do with stopping the spread AIDS.

The Pope brought back the Tridentine face to-the-wall Latin mass. The mass looks like a time-out-corner punishment in kindergarten. He said protecting heterosexuality from the onslaught of homosexuality is as important as protecting the rainforests from destruction, making LGBT the clearcutters in the virgin forest of heterosexuality. First he tried to root gay men out of seminaries and lately he has been rooting out American nuns, for the sin of liberalism and tirelessly running the church’s charities, hospitals, schools and cleaning up the altar after the mass. I have made our apartment a safe house on the underground railway for runaway nuns. Tell your friends. Password: Song of Bernadette.

And fall membership drives are no longer just the province of Public Radio. In a bid to boost his numbers, and annex the Divineland, the Pope preemptively cancelled the 450 year old split with Henry VIII’s old Anglican Church and welcomed them, individually, by parish or by diocese into the healing vortex of the RCC after just a wee bit of counseling in the sweat lodge. More hot rocks! He is one Spiritual Warrior.

Acquisition details are still being worked out with uh, no one, certainly not the middling Archbishop of Canterbury and not so much with Episcopalians, that gay-bishop ordaining American League branch of the Anglican Church. Married Anglican priests with the impeccable het credentials of the wife and kids are welcomed. In your dreams is it the beginning of married priests. All reactionary, angry, misogynistic, homophobic Anglicans are also welcome.

Meanwhile in upstate New York, my two brothers and their wives have been trying to keep their parish churches open. One brother from a small rural church first participated in prayerful sit-ins to forestall the closure and then occupied the church after the bishop ordered it closed. He went with his parish committee to Rome to plead their case. The church was shuttered. My other brother was in a liberal urban parish that welcomed the LGBT community, performed gay weddings and long participated in local anti-poverty and anti-war movements. He and his wife called their parish “The St. James Barely Catholic Church”. The church was one of the first closed.

As a lesbian I have very little tolerance for the Catholic Church. It has less for me. My Hindu girlfriend, with the cool belief in reincarnation and many-armed deities, urges me to have more respect for the Catholic Church. After this latest move by the Pope and the church’s usual denial of what is really going on in the back room, I have less respect for the church, but greater admiration for my brothers, their wives and all those who have struggled to keep their church open to all who practice loving spirituality in a secular world.

Summer Collage

KateClinton — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:41:00 GMT

Summer here in Provincetown is about half-over. My low maintenance, orange-alert, day lilies have given it their quotidian best. My green thumb for petunias is sticky from the daily dead-heading you must do to keep them from getting all straggly, whiny and I-want-some-sun-too. My impatiens are usually my prize-winners, but this summer after ten straight days of fog and rain, they looked puny and I over fertilized them. Lesson: don’t get impatient with your impatiens.

It’s not just the progression from lilacs and lilies to dahlias and hydrangea that signal summer’s midpoint. We’ve phased through several theme weekends – Memorial Day, Portuguese Fest, Film Festival, July Fourth, Bear Week - on our way to Carnival and Labor Day. Girl Splash, the newest and most recent theme weekend was a big fun success with lots of women and women performers in town. Girl Splash promises to become the bridge event between Memorial Day when the young recently-graduated college girls come to town for one last lesbo blowout and Columbus Day when the more mature babes motor in for Women’s Week.

We’re also cycling too quickly through summer’s many fundraising benefit parties: GLAAD, Mass Equality, The Pan Mass Challenge, Helping Our Women, and the AIDS Support Group of Cape Cod on our way to August 29th’s big Lily Tomlin Bark Park fundraiser, emceed by moi. Organizations use cocktail parties, auctions, barbecues and drag bingo to raise money for great groups in these rough, okay hideous, economic times. I emceed the recent Gay Lesbian Advocates and Defenders [GLAD] cocktail party at the base of the PTown monument on a rare sunny afternoon. We celebrated GLAD’s marriage equality work, and executive director Lee Swislow outlined GLAD’s work on MA transgender civil rights bill, their suit challenging DOMA and their Maine campaign to defend marriage equality.

This week there’s an unsettling themelessness in town and despite my vague vertigo, I am enjoying the lull. So far no one has called for the “Skip and Jim Have a Beer with Barack Week,” the “Scavenger Hunt for Lou Dobbs’ Birth Certificate Week,” “I Hate the Insurance Lobby Week,” or the “Citizen Palin Poetry Week.” We’ve had a few hot, sunny days and I think people are at the beach. Maybe they’re just resting up for Gay Family Week.

Next week the town will crowded with double-wide strollers, face-painted kid kitties, the smallest rainbow crocs you’ve ever seen and pods of gay parents sharing tales of triumph and trial. There will be beach fires, dances, and meet-n-greets. For the past couple years I have remarked on the fact that gay parents don’t seem to bring their tweens or teens. I worried aloud that parents had turned them in for younger kids, or a ten and and six year old for a sixteen year old. But one of the fabulous, fast talking, smarty pants tweens took me aside and informed me that they were all in workshops with Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere, COLAGE. The reason I had not seen them was that they are in training to be equality advocates, allies and community organizers. I told them that next summer they should invite the Obama family over from Oak Bluffs for a sunset beachfire. Those COLAGErs could make it happen.

Barbar Dyke

KateClinton — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 16:53:00 GMT

“Well there’s a job I never wanted,” my mom once remarked as we watched an elephant trainer on some TV variety show putting a pachyderm through his paces. If I remember correctly, the gentle, possibly drugged, giant was in a top hat and tails doing “Putting on the Ritz.” I said, “I’m glad you are narrowing down your career choices.”

I never wanted to run a bankrupt car company either, but as a taxpayer apparently I now own one. Okay, here’s what I want done by next Tuesday: change the name “General Motors” to something less militaristic. I like “I-Cars”. As a matter of fact I’d like the Apple people to oversee the transition. Start with an I-Phone and then just add Applications like wheels, an electric motor, and a lightweight body. Even if they name it
“I-Lemon” and the battery runs down after four hours, people will buy it if it’s in cool packaging and they get a coupon for a free hour at the genius bar down at the virtual showroom.

Forget it, I love my job, even though this June Gay Pride I am so bored with heterosexism, I could scream. The world is tanking and all they want to do is protect opposite marriage. Puhleeze. Get over yourselves. North Korea has a dying, wack job leader with nuclear weapons begging for attention. Look up.

Can you tell I was just in California? The state is suffering from the long range effects of the 1978 Proposition 13, a short-sighted cockamamie proposition to limit property taxes and the 2001 Cheeeney manufactured energy crisis that brought down Democratic governor Gray Davis. California like GM is in bankruptcy proceedings. But mostly they don’t want gay people to get married. Some nut-job, Bill O’Really, will soon suggest-demand that the 18,000 gay married couples be detained on Alcatraz so they can be quarantined.

But NCLR, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, the heart of the LGBT movement, managed to throw a fund-raising party that would have made Celine My Heart Will Go On Dion proud. I emceed the dinner in the gorgeous St. Francis Hotel. Actress/activist Jane Lynch presented the Voice and Visibility Award to Ilene Chaiken, well-heeled creator of The L-Word; Noemi Calonje NCLR’s brill immigration attorney presented the Community Empowerment Award to El-La, an amazing force for the Latina/o transgender community; and NCLR’s indefatigable Shannon Mintner presented the Justice Award to Lara Embry, an NCLR client from Florida who challenged FL’s mean-spirited foster care laws. The after-party was a dance to delirium event. I think I saw Miss USA California, Carrie Prejean. Pass it on.

In the waning days of May, I had two great book pleasures. After the Memorial Day weekend working at the Crown and Anchor in Ptown, I went into Boston and met with my book team at Beacon Press. It happened to be the same day that Beacon announced that they would be re-publishing all the writings of Martin Luther King. It was the end of a three year negotiation with the King estate, and Beacon with its long Unitarian history of publishing works about racism, poverty, pacifism is the right publisher for the necessary task. I’m proud of them and even more amazed to have my book, I TOLD YOU SO, on their roster.

That night I did a reading at the Brattle Theater sponsored by the Center for New Words. I was honored to be the last in their long, important author’s series and glad to hear that this fearless group of feminists is transforming itself again. From a 28 year old bookstore to a six year stint in programmatic development, they are fearlessly changing again. In the face of economic exigencies, I hate you George Bush, they have decided to focus on their internationally acclaimed Women, Action and Media Conference. WAM! The goal is develop progressive women’s voices and ideas in the new world of media and communication.

The next day, I shuttled back home to New York and presented three Lammy awards at the Lambda Liberty Awards. My categories were Lesbian Romance, Mystery and Erotica. It was a trifecta of fun. So much fun, that I forgot to mention that I have a new book out – I TOLD YOU SO – have I told you about it? – and was promptly fired by my publicist Michele Karlsberg, who was in the audience. Just kidding. But I’m on probation.

Hook 'Em

KateClinton — Fri, 22 May 2009 18:23:00 GMT

Despite threats of secession from Texas Governor Rick Perry, the Lone Star State was still connected to the mainland when I visited San Antonio to speak to the Equality Texas folks. I called down the ghosts of Ann Richards and Molly Ivins to protect me on my journey. They showed me a really good time.

The co-chair of the brunch event, Barbara del Amo met me at baggage claim with a big smile and a big purple sign that read K8. She took me out to the curb where Tex, her partner of 28 years was waiting. Since I’d been delayed in Dallas – I was detained for not wearing teabags as accessories – we went almost immediately to a donor reception at the lovely Gallery Vetro on the Riverwalk in San Antonio. I chatted with lots of wonderful, big spirited Texans who have been legislating, organizing and partying for equal rights in Texas for years. I tried not to knock over any of the gorgeous hand-blown glass creations as I schmoozed.

A couple of the women I spoke to apologized for leaving early to go to another event in town. When I heard where they were going, I got Barbara and Tex to take me there after the reception.

For years Graciela Sancehz has been trying to get my partner Urvashi and me to come visit the Esperanza Peace and Justice Center that she founded. That evening they were honoring the work of Gloria Anzaldua, a writer and cultural theorist who died five years ago. I was thrilled to be able to finally attend. In a magnificent, colorful converted former car showroom, the Center was jammed with people milling around the visual art exhibit El Mundo Zurdo, a celebration of borderlands, sexuality, spirituality and queer identity. Graciela introduced me to her family, friends and proudly showed me around. Next time you’re in San Antonio, make sure you stop by.

The Equality Texas brunch the next day in the gorgeous converted train station was another festive-serious fundraiser for all the work that Paul Scott, executive director and his organization are doing for LGBT equality in Texas. Keith Price, a native Texan and XM radio personality, and I mean personality, emceed the event. I met everyone from elected officials, judges, major donors to the newly formed LGBT student group at a local Catholic! College. You really haven’t lived until you’ve experienced Tex run an auction with Keith Price.

If you visit San Antonio, don’t forget to see both cities. There is the gorgeous one you see above ground, but then there’s a whole lovely river city below street level. Three women, Kim, Judith and Denise were kind enough to take me on boat cruise of the two and a half mile river cruise through the city, even though Denise, a facebook friend from way back, had horrible allergies and was in tears most of the ride. After, they took me out of town for “authentic Mexican cuisine” at Los Barrios. Now when someone says “authentic Mexican cuisine” I get frightened because too often I’ve been served a gringo version – a large brown puddle of lumpen something. Los Barrios was the real deal.

Barbara and Tex took me to the airport at an ungodly hour on Monday morning and I spent the day flying and changing planes until I got to Provincetown – just in time for the lilacs and lilies of the valley. Ahhhhh.

Club for Growth

KateClinton — Fri, 22 May 2009 16:56:00 GMT

Founded in 1999, the Club for Growth is a fiscally conservative political organization and an affiliated political action committee that raises money for candidates, AKA Republicans, who support a low-tax and limited-government agenda. Because the group was about to use its club dues to support Pat Toomey in the Pennsylvania Republican primary against him, Arlen Sphincter bolted to the Democratic Party. The Club had dubbed Arlen a RINO – Republican in Name Only. Now he’s a DINO. And not the urbane, smoking, drinking Rat Packer Dean Martin. Too bad. Arlen is a Democrat in name only.

The Club for Growth hates moderate Republicans. Just ask the former Republican Senator from Rhode Island, Lincoln Chafee. Maine’s Senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins cause the CFG to put their Club heads back in the darkening sky and howl like wolverines. It’s as if those Gathering Storm zombies did too much testosterone and then set off to find their gay prey. See that chewed up bow tie by the side of the road? That’s all that’s left of poor old Lincoln Chafee.

Club for growth. Nothing says it better. It sounds like a Monty Python sketch. I picture those Capital One “What’s in your wallet?” barbarians or those blue-faced Braveheart guys doing their creative destruction best, marauding, trampling new green shoots and thumping little baby seals. It’s very Conan the Republican. Cudgel for creativity. Shillelaghs for peace.

After thirty years of an ascendant, dominant Republican Party, the club-like pendulum is swinging back from its far outer reach. In the next thirty years it will swing out wide the other way and the Democratic Party will peak then diminish. A strong moderate Republican Party might save the Democrats from themselves but not by trying tag it “the Democrat-Socialist Party,” calling for secessions or tea-bagging its way into activism. Perhaps by the time the Dems are descendant again, there will be a viable third party waiting in the midpoint of the arc like a big brick wall to stop the inevitable oscillation once and for all and start a whole new movement.

The California Earthquake @ Long Beach Pride

JuliePhineas — Tue, 19 May 2009 00:43:00 GMT

The 26th Long Beach Lesbian and Gay Pride Celebration was held this past weekend and my wife and I were there when a 4.7 earthquake hit.

We had entered the festival and met up with friends at the various tents that were set up for music and dancing. We walked around and saw lots of familiar faces while we explored our shopping ops, food finds, and drink deals. The mojitos were rockin and we scoped some cute clothing at the Tung Gear clothing booth. We made some donations and signed up for some mailing lists, and listened to people talk about equality, substance abuse, legal aid, and other issues affecting LGBTs. The food booths offered a good variety and there was plenty of pride gear for sale all around.

Around 8pm we made our way over to the main stage to watch Jazmine Sullivan perform, who has an amazing voice and recently released the hit song "Bust Your Windows", which is a must for your iPod.

She did an awesome job performing her songs and keeping the crowd pumped. She was very gay friendly and told the crowd not to let the haters get to us and kill our dreams. Closer to the end of her performance she fell on stage, and after standing up and removing her shoes she said she was happy that she had her first official stage fall in Long Beach because we are so supportive.

Just after her performance, we were waiting for Sara Bareilles to come on stage when we felt the bleachers start to sway from side to side.

Everyone who was sitting on the bleachers froze and held on until it stopped a few second later. The woman who was speaking on stage didn't skip a beat, and the crowd below seemed not to notice anything. We walked down the bleachers to the ground and some of the people below were asking each other "Did you feel that?" "Was that an earthquake?" We could see that the street lights were still swaying and instantly knew that it was in fact an earthquake.

Most of the people went back to what they were doing un-phased and continued to walk around and shop, eat, etc.

My wife and I started to leave immediately, trying to get a hold of our babysitter at the same time. The cell phone lines were all tied up and we could only reach people who had land line numbers, and everyone in the family networked messages that everyone was okay.

On the drive home we listened to radio which told us that the earthquake was located southeast of Los Angeles and was felt as far away as San Diego.

The quake measured a 4.7 on the Richter scale and lasted about ten seconds. It was followed by a 3.1 magnitude aftershock and originated from the Newport-Inglewood Fault which is about 10 miles from our home in Carson. When we got home we had some broken dishes and and excited pets, but luckily no broken windows like some had been reporting in the area. The kids were a little scared and so we did our emergency preparedness talk and drill, and made sure everyone knew the plan if we had an aftershock. At the end of the day, we were all safe, and grateful that it all worked out.

If you live in California and are looking for information on what you can do to prepare for an earthquake, you can visit www.earthquakecountry.info.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

State Fairness

KateClinton — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:07:00 GMT

When I was growing up in Syracuse, New York I was not a big fan of our annual State Fair. The mid-way was too freaky, sticky and crowded but I loved bumper cars and Whac-a-mole. As a budding butch from a very mannered family, I had a lot of pent-up anger. In bumper cars my goal was to cause whiplash.

I was a vicious Whac-a-moliere. You had to hit a mole hard and fast or it would sink back into its hole. The game started slowly with one maybe two moles visible but accelerated quickly with more moles above the holes. Winning was based on how many moles were struck within a designated time.

To the average conservative, the almost daily statewide gay marriage news items must seem to pop up like in some devilish national Whac-a-mole game. This is actually round two. The first national Whac-a-round happened in 2004 when San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, endorsed gay marriage. Then Jason West, the mayor of New Paltz, New York certified gay marriage. Next a town in New Mexico began, then Montnomah County in Oregon. West, east, south, north, talk about causing whiplash.

This second round is faster and end-gamers are spinning like Linda Blair off her meds. Iowa? Say what? The Cornhuskers? Blam. DC! Hey they’re not even a state. Blam. Of course not every American citizen hears a taunting nah-nah-nah-nah-nah and wields a clown sized mallet to whack down pop up marriage equality states. Hey, behind you! Vermont! Nah nah. Missed me! But plenty do. They were taking a breather after November’s Prop Hates, but are back flailing their mallets, trying to beat back marriage equality.

When you play the State Fair midway version, the moles seem to pop up at random, yet within the five-holed waist high cabinet a simple system of electronic sequencing moves the machinery that makes moles go up and down. To the ordinary conservative, equal rights news blasts from state legislature, executive and judicial branches must seem like maddening, capricious outbursts. Truth be told, it is often news to the average LGBT person as well.

But beneath the surface of our national marriage equality state map, the collaborative effort of national LGBT and legal organizations, donors and state organizations has engineered a strategic sequencing. Some state equality strategies are calibrated to a one or three year plan with contingencies for the inevitable, tiresome backlash when that mole pops up again. Other state plans are based on ordering internal incremental steps of safe schools legislation, human rights ordinances, and election of LGBT or straight allies. The state strategies are part of a sequenced LGBT movement and point toward the goal of winning federal marriage equality. The big stuffed teddy bear prize is of course full LGBT equality.

In their new nifty video with the I’m Not a Zombie Homophobe, I Just Play One on You Tube Actors, the National Organization for Marriage predicts a Category Ten Storm is a-comin’ with ominous skies, crackling lightning and high winds. Those winds are caused by all that frantic mallet windmilling.

Affiliate Programs for Lesbian Webmasters

JuliePhineas — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:19:00 GMT

If you are a lesbian webmaster, or a webmaster with a website that caters to lesbians, then this post is for you!

I have been working from home online for a few years now, and my business is to help others earn an income from home online. I help many people monetize their websites, not just lesbians, but as a lesbian myself I have found that there are only a handful of programs out there that are designed specifically for lesbians.

For the most part I showcase opportunities that are generic or mainstream, and have no problem helping my clients find sponsors and opportunities to monetize as long as they're not gay or lesbian.

What I have found though is that once I take on a client who is a member of the LGBT community, finding sponsorships and opportunities becomes double work for me. We really have to work hard to find products and services that the LGBT community have a need for and that is not provided by a company engaged in anti-gay activity.

For example, I have over a hundred online dating sites that I have sponsorship options with, and eHarmony is one of them.

No lesbian webmasters that I know of are interested in touching that sponsorship option with a ten foot pole! Maybe now that Lindsay Lohan put a fake profile commercial together endorsing eHarmony on Funny or Die, but still I'm not putting any money on that bet.

However, there are 3 programs that I recommend to everyone, LGBT or hetero - they are Adify, Amazon, and AdSense.

These are three monetization options that I consider mandatory for all who are interested in monetizing a site online. I use AdSense and Adify on all of my websites, and use Amazon links in many of my posts.

The next best option is to sign up for what are called affiliate programs.

There are some large affiliate networks that host many affiliate programs within their site and the ones I recommend for lesbian webmasters are CJ ( they offer Love and Pride, Fabugo, Gay.com, Match.com, more); LinkShare (they offer Orbitz, Chemistry); and ShareASale (they offer MyPartner.com, OneLove Networks). With these affiliate networks you join the main site and then apply for individual programs after you've been approved.

Other affiliate programs I recommend are those that are offered by a particular website itself.

You will usually see a link at the bottom of their site that will say "Affiliates", "Webmasters", "Referrals", "Partners", "Make Money" or some other term identifying that there is a opportunity available to earn a commission on any sales you might send their way.

Here is a list of the independent programs I am a part of and that I recommend for other lesbian webmasters like myself:

LESBIAN DATING AFFILIATE PROGRAMS:

LDate.com

CupidMedia

Singles Cash

LGBT MEDIA AFFILIATE PROGRAMS:

Star Crossed Productions

Lambda Rising

Wolfe Video

Affiliate Bot (for TLA Video)

GAY PRIDE AFFILIATE PROGRAMS:

Queer Republic Tees

Rainbow Depot

Over the Rainbow

Always Proud

ADULT PRODUCT AFFILIATE PROGRAMS:

BabeLand

Good Vibes

Sapphic Cash

Verotel (No Fauxx, Good Dyke P*rn)

CC Bill (Lez Love, Crash Pad Series)

Movie Dollars (various)

So you can see the list is not that long if you consider the thousands of programs available to mainstream markets.

It did take me some time to find these programs for lesbian webmasters so I hope this list has helped someone else out there to save some time and find some good sponsors for their websites.

If you know of a good affiliate program for lesbian webmasters, be sure to let us all know by adding the link in our comments.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

On the Road Again

KateClinton — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:51:00 GMT

Since my last performance three years ago in Indianapolis, the city has gone through a lot of changes. They have a new state of the art airport. Nonetheless, I was still delayed out of LaGuardia. They have a new football stadium emblazoned with “Lucas Oil” on it. For now. Sadly the city landmark, the Hoosier Dome has been razed. I miss it. It looked like a giant diaphragm on the horizon just waiting for the Washington Monument to come to town. Despite the handy Lucas lube nearby, the dome had to go. Indiana takes abstinence-only very seriously.

My old pal Dino Sierpe, the P. T. Barnum of productions for 25 years in Indiana once again brought me to the amazing Indiana Roof Ballroom. Built in 1927, you can just imagine the big swing bands that played for cotillions, proms and New Year’s bashes over the years. The duo, The Troubadours of Divine Bliss [troubadoursofdivinebliss.com], opened with a set of their own rocking folk music. The crowd loved them. So did I.

Dino is a community organizer who sees every production as an opportunity to involve as many groups as she can in her schemes. Her production company, Branching Out Productions and Indiana Equality co-sponsored the show. PFLAG, Indiana ACLU, the Out Word Bound Bookstore [while the dome is gone, the bookstore remains!] I-Can and the Indiana Youth Group were all involved. Dino has recently been hired as a field organizer for Indiana Equality and will be traveling the state to help towns pass a Human Rights Ordinance with an eye toward a statewide gay rights ordinance in five years. They won’t know what hit ‘em.

The next night I returned to Boston to emcee the Fenway Men’s Event, at the Copley Marriott. It was déjà vu all over again. The Women’s Dinner was held first this year because organizers wanted to avoid conflicting with the LPGA Dinah Shore and the NCAA women’s basketball finals. The Women’s dinner raised a record amount of cashola and challenged the men to match. The men got out their checkbooks, bid at the silent and live auction and more than met the challenge.

Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank, head of the House Financial Services Committee, and a very busy man, presented the Gerry Studds Visibility Award to author and Democratic National Committee Treasurer Andy Tobias. Barney spoke of his friend Gerry, the first openly gay member of Congress in 1983, gave his assessment of gay legislation and then presented the award to his friend, Andy Tobias. In his acceptance, Andy marveled at LGBT progress and stressed the still basic importance of coming out.

Special thanks to Tim Fitzgerald and all the Fenway staff. A week after the Women’s dinner, they moved into the new Fenway Center as they prepared for the Men’s event. Those two dinners and the move into a new space would have done me in, but the staff and volunteers were professional, gracious and had a good time too!

The official ribbon cutting for the new ten-story building is May 7. If you are in Bean Town for a Red Sox game or to run the Boston Marathon stop in at 1340 Boylston to marvel at what the GLUT community and its Boston allies have created.

Did I already mention my new book, I TOLD YOU SO? Order it now. It’s a lovely read for Spring.

Robot Chickens

KateClinton — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:02:00 GMT

Emceeing the Gill Foundation’s OutGiving Conference in Lake Las Vegas was like being in a three-day graduate seminar on LGBT philanthropy. We heard great talks by the Gill’s executive director Tim Sweeney and its founder Tim Gill and the ACLU’s Antony Romero. We heard a great panel with our allies: Planned Parenthood’s Cecile Richard, NAACP’s Benjamin Jealous, AARP’s Dr. E. Percil Stanford and the NEA’s John Stocks. We also heard from LGBT funders and grantees from the local community center level to the state, national and international level.

Really tactical, brilliant and adorable gay wonks presented the latest statistics about the LGBT community so funders could make informed choices for their giving. It totally schwinged my inner wonk. Like everyone else, LGBT philanthropists’ portfolios are down, but their continuing commitment to funding is not. It was an honor to be with them as they discussed new collaborative investment strategies for the biggest philanthropic impact. It was an exhilarating conference.

Next it was off to give a talk at UPenn’s Diversity Week. UPenn has one of the oldest LGBT centers in the country. I think it might have been started by Ben Franklin’s lesbian niece, but don’t quote me. The student leaders were completely take charge and inspiring. They had originally asked for a 90-minute show, but then requested a 45-minute performance and a 40-minute lecture with a Q&A. Since I often can’t make the distinction between serious and comic, the audience opted for the combo platter so it was a bit of LGBT history, my personal history, with Q&A aka heckling. It was great fun.

Then I rented a car and drove out to Adelphi University on Long Island to do a lecture. Have I told you how much I love GPS? It was Women’s Recognition Week and Adelphi’s Student Activities had planned lots of events: a women’s self-defense class, a spa day [unfortunately not the day I was there] and a Women’s Recognition dinner honoring women students, administrators and faculty for their contribution to campus life. My talk was about using comedy as a force for social change. After my remarks the students brought me up to speed about what and who they think is funny. I took notes! Who knew from Robot Chickens?

Through no fault of my own, my personal performance portfolio is highly diversified – lecture, stand-up, writing, guest TV appearances, vlogging and blogging. It feels as if I did a little of each in the last seven days, ending with emceeing the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards here in New York. It was tres glam as always and a pleasure to see old pals Judith Light, David Mixner and GLAAD’s executive director Neil Guiliano. The dinner is a huge endeavor and it would not be possible without the huge number of wonderful volunteers that are inspired by the work the organization does to celebrate the year’s positive media portrayals of our LGBT community. The free vodka and the after-party help too.

And not for nuthin’ I just got a copy of my new book, I Told You So, hot off the Beacon press. The book and the audio CD read by moi will be available soon. It looks beautiful though my girlfriend thinks the cover is too pink for me. I tell her it’s pink with butch rising.

Re-gifting

KateClinton — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

In a quiet ceremony held earlier this month, I celebrated my twenty-eighth year of performing. Please, no gifts.

On the night of March 21, 1981, on a challenge from my best friend, I did my first show in my hometown Syracuse, New York at a woman’s club called Ms. Adventure. When my friend, Rita, started heckling me about five minutes in, I stopped. “Rita, what are you doing?” She was older, a photographer, always in black turtlenecks because she fancied herself a beatnik. “It’s comedy; we’re supposed to heckle.” Though I was three semesters retired from my teaching gig, I still had my study hall monitor mojo and shut her down expertly. “Cut it out.” She slumped.

Many years and dry heaves later, I marvel at my career. It certainly was not one of the options on the jobs checklist on sixth grade career day. Other: lesbian comic.

The same year I began my career, Pope John Paul and President Ronald Reagan began their careers. Together they were Forgive and Forget. It was also the year that gay men started dying from AIDS. Then it was called “the gay cancer”. Those three events and thematic variations on them have been intertwined touchstones in my routines for 28 years.

Warm and fuzzy histories of the People’s Pope belie the fact that he championed heterosexual supremacy and the subjugation of women, pedophilia cover-ups, and the end of liberation theology. Though compared to his successor, John Paul seems a benign Mr. Magoo, his tenure began a long conservative retrenchment in communion with other right wing religious movements.

Warm and fuzzy histories about the Great Communicator belie the fact that President Reagan championed deregulation of markets, disregard for minority rights and the anti-government mantra that led years later to Bush at president-select, Brownie at FEMA and Gonzalez at Justice. As the health epidemic raged, Reagan never uttered the word AIDS in his eight years in office. It was under Reagan, that the right-wing religionistas got a seat at the table and said grace.

There are no warm and fuzzy stories about the appalling health crisis that was and still is AIDS. As AIDS rages in poor communities and especially among women worldwide it is cold comfort to know that in the early 80s it forced gay men and lesbians to work together out in the open on protests, community organizing and public education about our LGBT community. Fighting AIDS did unify and galvanize our LGBT movement but I would rather have my friends back and be able to grow old with them.

We are gradually emerging from the PTSD of being in an abusive relationship for the last eight years. Bush was a bully; he was on the crack of Iraq; he and his B&E thug pals terrorized the neighborhood especially the gay kids; he ran up the credit cards; he left the place in a shambles; he was always at the gym, no one could understand why we stayed with him.

Hopefully that was the last blast of a cycle begun almost thirty years ago. Despite obstacles aplenty, we LGBT people have made dramatic changes in the forty years since Stonewall. I look forward to working more years. I plan to chronicle the passage of a trans-inclusive ENDA, the end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, full federal marriage equality, safe schools for LGBT youth, full health care for elder gays, and freedom from religious intolerance.

Happy Anniversary to me! In lieu of gifts, send money to your favorite LGBT group or your local food pantry.

Ernestine and Vito

KateClinton — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:58:00 GMT

Nothing like Boston’s Women’s Fenway dinner to kick the end-of-winter-blues to the curb. The yearly dinner to raise money for Fenway Community Health is a pleasure to attend and tons of fun to emcee. This year’s honorary chair Katherine Patrick was in attendance with her mom and dad, Deval Patrick, the governor of Massachusetts. Mayor Tom Menino, a long and steadfast LGBT ally asked me during his remarks that I would make fun of now, without George Bush. He winced slightly when I smiled sweetly and said, “I’ll always have the pope.”

The Susan Love Award, celebrating a woman who has made a significant contribution to the field of health in the women’s community was given to Lily Tomlin. This year pioneering breast cancer activist Susan Love [www.armyofwomen.org/] came to the dinner to give her award to Lily. Lily was humble and in a fundraising feisty mood. That’s how it came about that Lily, as Ernestine from the phone company, and I, as Lily’s older butch friend Vito came to auction ourselves off as guest lunch companions in Provincetown for some lucky lesbians. I’ll do anything to raise money for the Fenway – even drag king.

Through some well-placed kisses, we got 102 pledges of $1,500 dollars each to sponsor a seat in the new theater at the Fenway that is looking to officially open its new state of the art doors at the end of March 2009. A dream come true.

After entirely too much late night fun, I caught an early morning flight to Rochester on Sunday. Make that flights. It was like the old Maine codger, “Come to think of it, you cain’t get thar from here.” I flew from Boston to JFK then Bismarck ND. I don’t think I would have minded the travel so much except that every airport waiting area had that damnable Dick Cheney all rosy and rested doing an hour long interview with John King on CNN. Why is he not in jail with Bernie Madoff? Put them both in the same solitary cell.

I finally made it to Rochester for an afternoon show sponsored by the Rochester Friends of Good government. The performance was held in conjunction with their annual Health Fair and I do congratulate my fellow upstaters for all their hard work. And I thank all who attended on one of those rare sunny, warmish, hopeful upstate spring afternoons. It was such a healthy weekend.

I’m off to get ready for the OutGiving Conference north of Las Vegas, Nevada, where they have the real casinos, not like the ones on Wall Street.

Land Hos

KateClinton — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:48:00 GMT

Argh Mateys, I’ve just returned from the blissful twitterless seas on an Olivia Cruise. Did I miss anything? Jimmy Fallon’s sweaty late-night debut? Dang, I hate to miss one minute of more late-night testosterone.

Ken “Jean Valjean” Starr’s uninterrupted, condescending one hour declamation before the CA Supreme Court on Prop 8? On what legal island will they put the lucky 18,000 couples that got married? Is that really why they are clearing out Guantanamo?

The last episode of The L-Word? I didn’t miss it! Captain Judy of Olivia Cruises knows people at Showtime, so there was a continuous loop of the last show running on in-room TVs. Maybe she got a pirated copy.

Since it was on a continuous loop and I had a very busy Olivia work schedule – eat, sleep, sun, perform, dance, repeat - I watched the show in dribs and drabs and completely out of sequence, so I need to on-demand it and find out what happened. Did I kill Jenny?

In port in Ft. Lauderdale, Arianna Huffington of her eponymous Post gave a great pre-sail talk on current politics and four teachable moments: the importance of admitting mistakes, of surrounding yourself with a supportive tribe, of letting go of grudges and of staying centered. She was charming, self-effacing and passionate. She answered astute questions from the audience and seemed to enjoy herself.

With the excellent help of Olivia’s staff and technical crews, Vickie Shaw, Renee Hicks, Jessica Kirson, Doria Roberts and I were in charge of pool games, bingo, Olivia Olympics, performances, emceeing, the beloved Newlywed/Oldlywed Game and a new contest Olivia Star Search. I had the pleasure of trying to control that one, and the audience enjoyed comics, singers, magicians, and dancers strutting their talents in two nights of semi-final rounds leading to the grand finale. Olivia’s got talent.

Although the weather was not what the tired-of-winter Northerners might have wished for – it was the Non-Melanoma Tour - and one day on a choppy sea made Bonine the drug of choice, everyone had a great time on excursions in Turks and Caicos, San Juan, St. Thomas and Half-Moon Bay. Who had the heart to tell them we lost an hour in the time change?

A little distance is a good thing – I’m rested and ready for my upcoming gigs! I’m off to Boston to emcee the Women’s Dinner for Fenway Community Health and then off to upstate New York for a matinee show in Rochester. One Sunday I’m on the Caribbean Sea, the next Sunday it’s Lake Ontario! I love my job!

They've Killed Jenny

KateClinton — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 17:11:00 GMT

When I was coming out and up in the 70s, we were very proud of a local Syracuse, New York girl band, "Sweet Jenny Grit". They were a proudly defiant rock and roll hair band and toured throughout the northeast. We all went the regular Speakeasy Dance on Friday nights at a friend’s loft in Cazenovia, a little lake town near Syracuse. Once in a while Sweet Jenny Grit deigned to play there.

It was sexy, sweaty, flirty fun, fueled by Bud and shots of Tequila slyly recommended by the crinkly tanned, turquoise laden poet/forest ranger on leave from her fire spotting outpost in the mountains of New Mexico. Her goal was to turn the dance into an orgy. She was on short shore leave, so she didn’t seem to have a lot of time for individual attention to the ladies. She was trouble. Someone always ended up in tears.

You will never see the story line on "That 70’s Show" but those were the days of the much-caricatured lesbian feminist separatist movement. In urban and rural settings, groups of women separated themselves from the trappings of patriarchy, lived together on and off the land, started women’s health care clinics, record companies, writing centers, anti-nuke and peace movements, hydroponic pot wholesaling and tried to live a utopian dream.

In my early years of comedy travel sponsored by production collectives spawned in those communes throughout the country, I would listen to dystopian dyke-dramas in intense twenty-four hour gabfests, interrupted by my show, before I had to trundle off in my van to the next gig. Time and time again I was struck by the inability of another group of women to cope with some member of the group whose mental problems would eventually bring them down.

As an outsider I could see that the woman, let’s call her Jenny, was mentally ill, deeply damaged by her nature or nurture. Jenny was certifiably a narcissist, a pathological liar, manic-depressive or some combination thereof. But the community was completely unable to call it out, get her help, or for the good of the group, send her packing. And another well-intentioned group would fall prey to the tyranny of the weak and bite the dust.

I have no idea how the L-Word will answer the season and series ending question of who killed Jenny. When I saw the season opener shot of Jenny doing her William Holden dead man’s float, I must say I was relieved. I’ve never liked her. But to have the whole last half-season be about establishing a motive for every major character to kill Jenny, who is emotionally ill in anyone’s amateur DSM, is finally a sad conclusion to the initial promise of a show about lesbians. It’s so 70s.

I will miss the final L-Word episode because I will be returning from an Olivia Cruise. Olivia is a travel and leisure company for lesbians which grew out of a lesbian music business which grew out of a lesbian collective that wanted to hear and see their lives as lesbians represented. I will have someone TIVO the show for me. I hope it will be about a miraculous resuscitation, a kindly but stern intervention, some appropriate medication until Jenny is stabilized, then a lot of individual and group therapy followed by everyone’s gracious acceptance of Jenny’s amends. Then her voluntary relocation to the screenwriting department at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia.

Hey Cowgirl!

KateClinton — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:15:00 GMT

On the way to my show at the gorgeous Lakewood Theater in Dallas, my impish driver, a volunteer in OpenDoor Productions, asked me if I wanted to swing by to see where George and Laura Bush were living. I told Donna I didn’t trust my behavior. I would get arrested and never make it to the show. “How ‘bout after?” she asked.

Sadly George and Laura did not attend the raucous show at the beautifully restored and maintained old movie theater. At the beginning of the show, when I asked innocently if they were there, I got a Texas style hoot of derision. It was lovely. When I suggested a spontaneous drive by and citizen’s arrest, they told me that the forty thousand dollar security fence around the compound that their tax dollars had bought made even toilet papering trees impossible.

But we still had a good time. OpenDoor Productions, a committee within the Agape Metropolitan Community Church of Ft. Worth, produced the show. OpenDoor produces four or five shows yearly – music, poetry, and comedy – with the goal of opening hearts and minds through the arts. [www.opendoorproductionstx.com]

One of the missions of the Agape church is not to stand idly by in the face of inequality and justice. Their campaign “Would Jesus Discriminate?” [whywouldwe.org] seeks to educate people about discrimination based on Biblical interpretation. Their shirts and bumper stickers, emblazoned with “WJD?” start dialogs and discussions wherever they go. I was moved by their simple, steely courage in the face of intolerance.

Two of the prime movers and shakers of OpenDoor productions, Linda Schramm and Kris McIntosh, offered to take me from the DFW airport to the Cowgirl Hall of Fame in Ft. Worth before heading to Dallas for the show. Located near the huge buildings where rodeos and stock shows are held, visiting the Hall of Fame was like finally making the pilgrimage to Mecca. For someone who lip-synced “Happy Trails to You” with Dale Evans, and appeared frequently in Annie Oakley drag – that would be me – it was a dream come true.

Linda, a retired gym teacher now self-taught woodworker, and Kris, a semi-retired history teacher now curriculum consultant, amateur archivist and genealogical sleuth are both inspirations for the art of retirement. With my 401(k) now at -01(k) it might be a lost art. Their relentless, cheerful volunteerism inspired by their church of faith and their endless curiosity inspired by their faith in humanity are examples of the true Texas cowgirl spirit.

Shut Up Cheney

KateClinton — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 07:04:00 GMT

Our Inaugural viewing pod thought Dick Cheney’s wheelchair was a clever ploy. We didn’t fall for it. He couldn’t have strained his back lifting file boxes. The files had all been shredded months ago. We bet the wheelchair was intended to garner him some Pinochetish sympathy. Who would prosecute an old, stooped, white-haired man in a wheelchair for war crimes? Uh, Dick would.

Well, he’s baaaaack! In an interview with Politico, Cheney astride his high horse, patiently side-mouthed to his scribes that Obama’s policies invited terrorist attacks. He denounced the closing of Gitmo and bemoaned the suspension of his favorite interrogation techniques.

Which caused MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann to go into an eleven-minute, high dudgeon rant addressed directly to Cheney, with a lot of “You sirs” and squinty, glinty eyeballing. As if Cheney were home watching Countdown on his flat panel TV while cleaning his gun. Olbermann finished, and man was he steamed, but it was hard to take seriously because he’d just finished sucking up to Super Bowl players on ESPN. I bet if Cheney was in his barcalounger, back from padding off for another beer, he merely groused, “So?” and shot the TV.

At least George has the decency just to go Baylor basketball games and keep his mouth shut. Okay, cancel the decency. Old Dick does not follow the Obama way. I wish Obama didn’t either. I know it’s only seventeen days. I know, after eight years, I have to give the new uber-bipartisan gestalt a chance to work. I’ve tried it a few times in my relationship when we’re wrangling about something like, oh, money. I just stop and say, “Honey, that’s not the Obama way.” And we hug.

But from up here in Manhattan, the former financial capital of the world, where more and more stunned young men in everyday-is-casual-day pressed Dockers are seen at the playground mid-afternoon, one hand pushing a kid on a swing, the other thumbing a Blackberry, I just want to say to DC, “Do not make me come down there.”

In his monologue Cheney also grumped that nobody saw something of the size and dimension of our economic collapse occurring. That sounds similar to his claim about the 2001 terrorist attacks. So if he now sees another terrorist attack coming, perhaps he can look out his Wyoming ponderosa windows and see the depression coming, and warn his little conservative, obstructionist pals about it. If certain Republican senators do not like Obama’s stimulus plan, then fine, your state will not get any of the moneys. Is that bipartisan enough?

In the teeth of the economic storm, I often feel silly yapping about LGBT identity politics. “We have no job, no home and little food,” seems to trump, “I want my gay rights!”

John D’Emilio, professor of history and gender studies at the University of Illinois at Chicago, said recently that it might be more helpful to recalculate our Gay Positioning System. Gay activists can join with labor, civil rights activists, immigrant rights workers, youth organizers and peace activists and together denounce the terrible success of other identity movements – the perfect storm of the filthy rich and Christian conservative identity movements.

How I Became a Lesbian Activist

JuliePhineas — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:33:00 GMT

Years ago, when a petition to legalize same-sex marriage was presented to me, I refused to sign it.

The way I was raised, I believed homosexuality was a sin. Make note that I was only asked to sign this petition because I was on a date at a gay pride parade… talk about living in denial! Somehow, in my mind, living in sin was ok, but coming out as a lesbian was not. It was OK if I lived as a lesbian in shame and hiding, but giving rights to homosexuals was out of the question. They were dirty, they were lewd... gays were sexual deviants!! Now flash forward about 5 years and I've come a long way from where I started. Now you can see me just about everywhere online spreading the word about LGBT issues, and I was/am very active in the fight for marriage equality here in California. Even though I'm not waving a rainbow flag in front of my house (just yet!), I've become known in my community as THE lesbian activist in the neighborhood.

Coming to terms with the fact that I am a lesbian was a rough period in my life.

I really took the time to evaluate the situation, question what I was raised to believe, and seek truth. I already knew that for ‘some reason’ relationships I had with men weren’t working out, and I found myself crushing on women more than I had ever crushed on a man. Accepting that I was gay was simple once I realized the problem was that I was a lesbian, but coming out and living that way was a different story. What really prompted me to get my head together on the whole issue was my children. Being a mom puts you in a position where you are an extremely important role model for your children and I knew I had to sort this out for their sake.

Could I endorse the idea that being gay was OK?

I had to figure out if it in fact was. This lead me to look towards religion and spirituality, and find the answers to fundamental questions that were holding me back from embracing my true sexuality. The root of the way I was raised came from Catholicism, and my inquiries lead me to a Christian philosophy called A Course in Miracles. It’s quite an interesting philosophy, and in delving deeper into the truth it became undeniable to me that being gay, straight, black or white is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. At this point having reconciled my religion with my sexuality, I felt at peace with coming out as a lesbian and it’s been an interesting ride ever since.

Divorcing my husband and moving into a same-sex relationship put every other relationship in my life under stress.

My immediate family had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I was gay, and I lost 85% of my home-business clients. Discrimination was starting to become a part of daily life as I continued to embrace my sexuality. I knew that this was something I would face, but it didn’t stop the hate from turning me into an angry lesbian. I realized the anger was stemming from the fact that I was now being treated as a second class citizen, even though I was the same person. All that had changed in me was embracing the truth about myself and making the best of the situation I was in.

I felt strong and proud of myself for making a tough choice that would better myself and my children in the long run; but everyone else around me who should have been supportive did nothing but show disbelief, disgust, and contempt.

I thought to myself “I am a pretty strong person to handle this. But what about those who aren’t?” Living in California I am fortunate to have an environment where I don’t have to live in constant fear for being gay. But I know that others are not as fortunate and that even in free-loving California I was still being discriminated against and harassed for being a lesbian.

I was really getting some practice at forgiveness but my children were growing and the discrimination and harassment was starting to become directed towards them.

At this point I was focused on protecting my kids. I could no longer live my life acting as if I wasn’t affected by the lack of gay rights. I found my gay pride and no longer hid in the closet whenever it was convenient. I faced the world in a new way, and when gay marriage was legalized in California in 2008 Gina and I got married as soon as possible. That was really when it hit me how important gay rights were, because marriage equality was now an issue that seriously affected my children, as California's marriage equality was being threatened by Proposition 8 which could possibly nullify our marriage and the rights that came along with it. What I was most worried about was each other's right to the children and estate should something happen to one of us such as incapacity or death.

At that point I began to take on a more active role in the fight for LGBT rights, and against Proposition 8 here in California.

I spent an entire week issuing an 'LGBT Community Call to Action' and sent out over 800 emails and private messages online to help spread the word. Through that call to action I made a lot of good contacts and got a lot of insight into the LGBT rights movement and where the community really stood on the issues. Once I issued that Call to Action, I was viewed as the 'Prop. 8 Person' in certain circles and began to field alot of questions about it from friends, family, neighbors, people online, etc. My wife and I made arrangements for yard signs from our local LGBT center, and we literally drove up and down the freeway placing No on Prop 8 yard signs off of popular freeway exits. We went to the West Hollywood Halloween Parade and stood on a busy corner handing out No on Prop 8 bumper stickers. I changed my Lesbian Mommy blog to an official Prop. 8 info-spot and gave No on Prop 8 ads run of that site.

When Prop. 8 passed in November 2008, it effectively banned gay marriage in California (again) and it became clear to me that my duties as a lesbian activist were far from over.

My wife and I participated in the March on the Mormon Temple in Los Angeles, the Prop. 8 Protest March in Long Beach and caught the end of the Prop. 8 Protest in Silver Lake. We attended the National Prop. 8 Protest at Long Beach City Hall, the Light Up the Night Candle Light Vigil, and organized to gather signatures for the National Protest of the Defense of Marriage Act. We are looking forward to other events such as Freedom to Marry Day and the Million Gay March and I've also become very active with The Rainbow Dragon Network which was created to help LGBT people through tough times.

I've come a very long way from where I started haven't I?!

I know the road is a long one still and I'm still learning, yet my children have started receiving praise from schoolmates rather than threats. Others in the LGBT community have expressed their gratitude to my wife and myself while we've been out and about for the cause. Our relationship has grown stronger and we have a genuine hope that Prop. 8 will be overturned. I know that my voice has made a small ripple of change in this world regardless of that outcome. All of us have a voice within us - the only question I had to ask myself was whether I planned to use that voice for good or for evil. You can see that I chose to use my voice for good... what about you?

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

Bono for the Homos

KateClinton — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:37:00 GMT

The Provincetown holiday break was lovely. Especially since after initial losses, I won our in-house vacation Scrabble tourney in a close final day best-of smackdown. The whole town is still agog over the transformation of our former soviet era Grand Union into the modern, spic and span Stop and Shop. There’s a cold cuts concierge in the deli! I have always thought that in the dead of winter there should be afternoon tea dances in the produce department. They’ve got an intercom. The S&S management might be amenable.

And as if that were not enough mind-blowing news, there is new dog park just past the Temple of Cumberland Farms. Shankpainter Road is where it’s happening! The recently completed Bark Park is a new gathering spot where even in the teeth of a New Year’s gale dogs were seen romping while owners huddled kvelling about the S&S. It’s so much fun, non-dog owners have brought toy stuffed dog animals, set them down and tried to pass. The dog park has cut down on the numbers of dogs off the leash out on town trails. No more “He won’t hurt you!” shouts as a chocolate lab does a wild card tackle.

We took great walks, despite my Indian girlfriend’s grousing, “Winter is not part of my culture.” We had great dinners with hardy year-rounder friends and holiday visitors. Every dinner conversation featured the inevitable dissection of the Rick “the P is silent” Warren inaugural invite and biotch slap. That topic followed the how-did-we-lose-Prop-Eight discussion. I would point out that CA is on the verge of bankruptcy. My message is more cautionary than causal: mess with the gays and your economy could suffer.

Despite Melissa Etheridge’s best Bono for the Homos effort, gay people and our straight friends and families are still not hopping on the Saddleback. We will not be appeased, not even if Rick Warren officiated at the wedding of Oprah and Gayle in the Oval Office. That might do it for me. Nah. Not even that.

Due to forty mile an hour winds and drifting snow we had to cancel our annual New Year’s beach fire. Each new year at sunset we have a beach fire and anyone can write down things they want to get rid of from the old year and toss them in the fire. For the first time this year we had even added an internet component to our ritual. Out of town friends emailed me their lists of disposables and, without looking at them shooting out of the printer, swear, I quickly origamied them into fire balls.

On a calm January 2, Urvashi and I took all the lists out on the jetty and burned them up. Black ash filigree danced and sizzled on the white snow. It’s back to work and school! Happy New Year.

LGBT Greeting Cards Spread Rainbow Cheer

JuliePhineas — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 03:39:00 GMT

The Village Lighthouse is an LGBT consumer products company, and their LGBT holiday greeting card made it's way into my home this holiday when my sister and her girlfriend sent my family the cutest card yet.

I love this holiday card and it brightens up the display of cards I have up with the rainbow scarves that are on the two female silhouettes. I have seen more and more LGBT friendly consumer products lately, and it thrills me to see that holiday cards have made the list. I don't live near any gay-owned shops, or any lesbian friendly retailers. They are within driving distance, but there aren't any in my immediate surroundings, so I don't usually see gay or lesbian faces, products, ideas or influences much at all except when I look in the mirror or at my wife. I do find alot of neat things online which I try to share with you all, and so I decided it was time to share this short list of greeting card sites where you can find free lesbian ecards, and LGBT greeting cards in general...

Lesbian eCard
Free Lesbian eCards
Go Gay Cards
Les Femmes Cafe
and Where Girls Kiss Girls

There are some sites I like that do charge a fee such as SheCards and OutGreetings.

I hope you find something you like, and please feel free to comment with any other LGBT greeting card sites and/or companies that we should all know about.

Happy Holidays!

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

An Attitude of Gratitude

JuliePhineas — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 09:56:00 GMT

Thanksgiving Day is fast approaching here in the U.S. and many of us are preparing for the holiday across the country.

This year, as the holiday approaches it's been tough to navigate my emotions, it's really been an up and down kind of year. I am the kind of person who is deeply affected by emotions, so much so that having a broken heart is enough to send me to the hospital. It's not something I enjoy, but it is a fact about my personality. Facing this is mandatory as a mom, because not only do I need to be around for them physically, I have to be a role model on how to cope with life emotionally as well. My entire life has had its ups and downs, and I have found that taking on attitude of gratitude has helped me through the tough times tremendously.

During the winter holidays it's even more important to hold onto that attitude of gratitude, at a time when temperatures drop, and most of us begin to stay indoors and isolated from others more often.

For me, this is the first Thanksgiving without my mother. She passed away two days after Gina and I got married this past summer. One of the things my mom passed on to me was a love of cooking, and feeding her family with full flavored dishes. Facing reality, there are some recipes of hers I will NEVER be able to duplicate... some of her inside cooking secrets she really did take with her to the grave. Instead of taking this as a downer, I laugh! LOL I smile thinking about how my mom would experiment with her food, and would never write her recipes down. She always measured by her taste - and you know what that did? It forced me to develop my tastes! And now, I am looking forward to running around my kitchen this Thanksgiving, experimenting and trying to duplicate her stuffing and candied yams; with my children running around my feet, and the football game on the TV in the next room - much like she did. How grateful I am that I had a mother who showed me how to have a family, and how to fill their bellies with love.

It's easy to let things get you down, and it's hard to get out from under a depressed attitude.

Yet the answer to your grief is so simple! Just count your blessings, write a gratitude list, and find a way to be grateful for all experiences in your life. This doesn't discount what you are feeling if you are feeling a bit down. Simply put, gratitude highlights the things in your life that should inspire you towards happiness. It's very easy to focus on the things that we don't like in our life, but all that really does is bring more of the same into your life. Focus on gratitude, (it feels good to be grateful!)and you will bring more things to be grateful for into your life instead!

Here are some quotes about gratitude that I like to keep in mind:

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more. ~ Brother David Steindl-Rast

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. ~ Buddha

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. ~ Denis Waitley

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. ~ Cicero

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. ~ H. U. Westermayer

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven. ~ Johannes A. Gaertner

You can find more quotes at WisdomQuotes.com, about gratitude and more.

Here is a funny video that I found on YouTube.

Have you heard of 'The Happy Dance'?? Well this is 'The Gratitude Dance' and you are supposed to do it every day. ;o) Watch how it's done...

Some more words of wisdom on gratitude...

"Thank God--every morning when you get up--that you have something to do which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you a hundred virtues which the idle never know." ~ Charles Kingsley ~
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~ Melody Beattie ~
"Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting." ~ Author Unknown ~
"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." ~ Epictetus ~
"The sun was shining in my eyes, and I could barely see To do the necessary task that was allotted me. Resentment of the vivid glow, I started to complain-- When all at once upon the air I heard the blindman's cane." ~ Earl Musselman ~
"You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you." ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach ~ Simple Abundance
"Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much. For on the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation, our neighbors build their philosophy of life." ~ A. J. Cronin ~

Those were from ColleensCorner.com where I also found this poem entitled "Be Thankful"...

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire, If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings. ~ Author Unknown ~

From Spirituality and Practice, here is some more information on HOW to be grateful and why you would want to be:

The Basic Practice The spiritual practice of gratitude has been called a state of mind and a way of life. But we prefer to think of it as a grammar — an underlying structure that helps us construct and make sense out of our lives. The rules of this grammar cover all our activities. Its syntax reveals a system of relationships linking us to the divine and to every other part of the creation.
To learn the grammar of gratitude, practice saying "thank you" for happy and challenging experiences, for people, animals, things, art, memories, dreams. Count your blessings, and praise God*. Utter blessings, and express your appreciation to everything and everyone you encounter. By blessing, we are blessed.
Why This Practice May Be For You The continuum of words related to gratitude go from greed and jealousy; through taking things for granted and feeling entitled; to appreciation, acceptance, and satisfaction. The practice of gratitude would be an appropriate prescription whichever one of the above describes your attitudes.
The rules of the grammar of gratitude are not as simple as they seem at first glance, however. For example, often instead of rejoicing in what we have, we greedily want something more, better, or different. We can't be grateful because we are making comparisons and coveting other possibilities.
When this happens on a personal level, when it's our ego that is dissatisfied, then we are ungrateful. But when we want something more, better, or different for the glory of God* or for the benefit of the community, this greed may be a manifestation of our devotion, our love, or our yearning for justice. And then we are grateful for these commitments.

*You might replace the idea of 'God' with the idea of 'Source', 'Creator', or other term representing your personal religious beliefs.

You can learn more about gratiude and being grateful from the books below...

Or for even more visit GoGratitude.com to join the Go Gratitude Experiment.

This year, I thought I would have a short list of things to be grateful for. When I stop thinking for a minute sometimes, and just feel grateful, it's easy to see how irrelevant negative emotions are. Gratefulness is empowering, and if you are in the U.S. I suggest you take full advantage of the up and coming Thanksgiving holiday to practice finding things to be grateful for. I'm grateful for my family, my friends, and also I'm grateful for YOU! THANK YOU for reading this blog. I hope you enjoyed this post and keep the Attitude of Gratitude going strong! Happy Thanksgiving!

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

Be There

KateClinton — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 19:33:00 GMT

It is two weeks since the election of Barack Obama. It is still true. It makes me smile every morning. Then I read the paper about the Armageddon that is our financial system and it harshes my mellow. But after CA, AZ, FL Prop Hates, it has been a shallow mellow.

Nothing like a little road trip to get the spirits up. The night before I left, I joined 16,000 of my closest, maddest friends at a protest at the Mormon Church near Lincoln Center in Manhattan. The Morons had spent 25 million in support of Prop Hate. Teamed with the Catholic Church, they are like the Hate Fed, bailing out immoral ballot initiatives. My sign said, “Tax This Church.” Another witty sign said, “Et tu Donnie and Marie?” My favorite was, “Joseph Smith had 20 wives and I can’t have one.” It felt good to scream. I saw old friends, but the crowd was mostly young. And they were ripping mad.

I flew on a tiny plane in our unregulated airline industry, to Pittsburgh, the football craziest town I’ve ever been in, and did a show at the University sponsored by the Rainbow Alliance. The students were still high from election night. They told stories of the spontaneous partying in the streets on election night and they too were ripping mad about the anti-gay wins.

The next night I performed in Alexandria, in the newly blue state of Virginia. The Group of 20 was in DC and traffic was at a standstill for people trying to get to the show. The summit had been hastily assembled by our Lame *** who welcomed the participating countries with a feeble speech about free trade. The principles of our economy are sound. Could he leave now? I had hoped that Carla Bruni, the breathy gorgeous new wife of France’s President Sarkozy would steal away and come to the show. Mais non.

Tant pis. The Birchmere is a big sprawling roadhouse of a club and it was wild. For the last eight years DC residents have been under house arrest. That night they were free and raucous and ready to party. The show was a pure joy. They are past ready for a new administration and are planning to party with millions on Inauguration Day.

They too experienced the kick in the gut that was Prop Hate, but seemed cautiously optimistic about not having an avowed homophobe in chief. Like many other cities they were planning big gay protests for the next day.

Like General MacArthur, but much cuter, I promised them I would return. I reminded them, as I remind you now, that the night before the Inauguration of Barack Hussein Obama we are going to meet at the Ellipse at 6pm to sage the bad spirits out of the White House. Be there or be square.