Olivia

Back in Court

LGBTMediator — Mon, 12 May 2008 21:15:00 GMT

Jim and Mary back in Court today- the epitome of ugly divorce? It does not have to be; they should put their children first; why allow this public display of nothing? Mary should place her pain behind her children’s interests and relinquish her “fraud” stance. Call it irreconcilable differences and move on. This is the father of your children. He was probably trying desperately to be straight, like the many others, hiding behind wife’s skirts, without political aspirations. Why put his intent on trial? To accuse him of purposely using her to accomplish his political goals is an obvious ploy to save face and deny him his confusion and “par for the course” struggle. My opinion of course!

Now Mary and Jim, as you walk up the stairs to the intact court house, sipping your respective $5.00 Starbucks, give some thought to splitting the assets, sharing the custody, paying the support and then PLEEEEASE send the tens of thousands of dollars you are throwing to the lawyers to Myanmar- to those who not only have lost entire families, but who have no feed this morning.

Thinking Aloud

LGBTMediator — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:04:00 GMT

There are those amongst us who stride so boldly in the marriage equality parade, and whilst roaring the pc mantra, have the inadvertent audacity to hide behind the veil of ‘no-laws.’ You know who you are! I urge you to come out now. You think you are out but you are not, at least not until you find the capacity to fully embrace the culture of marriage and not merely preach the need for it. We have to construct this culture of marriage and it is an arduous task because as a community we have not been privy to its evolution.

Lesbian and gay couples have been denied the evolution of marriage. An evolution that is as thick as blood and as long as monkey arms. Gay marriage in all its variances remains lacking in DNA structure. Its metamorphic biography will read: ‘It wasn’t,’ ‘it may be,’ and then maybe for some ‘it will be!’ That is no way for a culture to instill itself.

This thought has been prompted by my mediation of family law disputes, break-ups, custody, support, sharing of property and debt, where I am amazed by an inherent inability to take responsibility for the duties and obligations that follow hearth, home and kids. Even more bewildering is that some find it hard to swallow the idea that their State registered domestic partnership leaves duties and obligations in the wake of its dissolution.

Once we attain our full and equal rights and I am sure we will, we will need to jump start our non-evolved marriage culture. With acute awareness it may well be possible to build a culture as if it were a land development project; plans, approvals, bricks, mortar and then sales strategy and then “whoop dee doo” - there it is and we can all move in. Ah ha; now we can marry and now everything will be fine; we will be equal to those who have lived their relationships in the realm of a marriage culture for centuries!

It is not enough to want equality and marriage, to deserve equality in marriage, as without the imbedded culture of marriage, the running of it through our veins, there will be little gained from the it’s mere institution. The attitude of our couples needs to change; to run concurrently and to reconcile with the rights we hope to receive. So please start acting equal, lift that veil of feigned prohibition and start to live as if equal rights have always been there. Treat your partner as if those rights exist … it will be best for your children and will help us all embrace the reality of marriage when the day finally comes, regardless of an expedited evolution.

Breathing Life into Gay Custody?

LGBTMediator — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:59:00 GMT

I held my breath this morning as Jim McGreavy headed to court in the divorce and custody case with his ex-2B. I felt my resentment build as I braced myself for the anti-gay-parent sentiment often expressed by jilted straight spouses. My lungs grew full as I saw ( on COURT TV) McGreavy skulk in through a rear entrance whilst Mary cruised through the front door, passing the multitude of cameras which flashed her way to her hero's welcome. Maybe the well choreographed arrival served as a necessary theatrical castigation of the deception and infidelity to which she had been so shamefully subjected.

My concern was clearly for all of us, lesbian and gay parents, whose parenting in no way relates to our sexuality. In fact we all know what the stats have to say on the subject and it is all good. But as I have said before, the "world heaved burden upon burden; upon all reality" as the relentless public indictment of gay parenting now finally finds its forum through betrayal. Urghh! Jim! Jim! Jim!

So as my lungs were about to burst, I heard the words - the words for which maybe one day we will all have naughty Jim to thank; the Judge declaring in open televised court that one's sexuality should not negate one's ability to parent. The case for custody would be based on the merits as they would pertain to any child's best interests and that a gay parent would not be prejudiced by his sexuality. PHEWWWW!! I breathe and it feels good! (for now.)

The Yearning for Scion Ranch

KateClinton — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:43:00 GMT

Enough with the Hillary Deathwatches, the Eight Belles comparisons, the Wednesday morning quarterbacking, the super-annuating, the gloating not gloating, the Wright stuffing, the obliterating, the primary parsing.

Everybody take a breath, sit back, have a lovely European style coffee, and play your old “Come Together” LP. Don’t try to figure out what it means. Toe jam football. Walrus gumboot. So? Chill.

Especially you, John King. You must be exhausted from a late night of poking your ouiiga board, finger painting, expanding/contracting your counties, while the best political team on television was laughing at you behind your back. You made your OCD work for you, now take a rest.

The Jenna One is getting married – because she can - down at the Yearning for Scion Ranch this weekend. Keep Jim Baker busy. The Bush Dynasty is all compounded down in Texas.

It’s Mother’s Day weekend. In honor of Mom, let’s have a primary worry free weekend. Play some hoops. Rest your voice. Sleep in your own bed.

The Swiftboats for McBush are gassing up. Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal is being vetted. John McSupreme Court is loving him some strict constructionists. John McSharraf has his flag pin stuck in his chest. Limbaugh lower now.

Rest up, you two, dear warriors, then come together right now over me.

Yes, They Can

KateClinton — Fri, 02 May 2008 14:50:00 GMT

Yes, they killed the DC Madam. Another woman who was employed at the same escort service was arrested on prostitution charges and committed suicide before she could go to trial.

I know, I know, I live in the house that conspiracy theories built, but yes they killed the DC Madam. “She left two suicide notes,” just ain’t making it for me. All those pompous ***, family values boys were afraid of getting outed. Come on.

Rest in peace, Deborah Jeane Palfrey. I hope you were running a second set of books and a really good friend knows where they are and where the key is.

In other news – three darling citizens of Lesbos who have nothing better to do, have sued a local GL organization for use of the word “lesbian”. One guy said his sister can’t say she’s a Lesbian because her identity has been usurped by “certain ladies.” Whom I’d like to meet.

Have an ouzo and calm down. Get your chitron out of the twist. You are so last century. The kids have already moved on to queer and questioning and transitioning. And I still know women who wouldn’t say lesbian if their mouths were full of one.

FYI Lesbos is also known as the island of Mytilene, so from now on I’d like to be known as a mytilene-feminist. Efcharisto very much.

And another thing. I am denouncing my pastor. Actually, I denounce all pastors.

Crabby Putinesca

KateClinton — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:05:00 GMT

It is an amazing spring day here in New York City. Finally. The trees are leafing out, providing cover for the tattered, plastic Fairway bags lufting all winter in the bare tree branches. The yellow forsythia petals have given way to green leaf. The jonquils are past. But it is high bloom time for the flowering crab trees in Riverside Park. I wish I could freeze frame them, but their mutability is their poignant charm.

To reverse one of my favorite literature tropes, that old “pathetic fallacy” of the personification of inanimate objects, allow me to floral-ize myself. This long primary season, I am one flowering crab, but without the charm.

As the post-primary letdown sets in Pennsylvania and Keystone staters get back to actual bitterness, Indiana and North Carolina are now in the media spotlight. The big Good Sam Club RV map of where we’ve been will have the last magnetized states of West Virginia, Kentucky, Oregon, South Dakota and Montana all filled in by June 3. And then the gas-guzzling behemoth of the Democratic Party will trundle off to Colorado, the Rocky Mountain State and Denver.

Donner, party of one.

Unlike many of my friends, I am not cranky that the race goes on. I am not calling for Hillary to leave the race or for Bill to leave the human race. Okay, maybe the latter. I remind my impatient friends, this too is what democracy looks like. They haven’t seen it for seven and a half years, so they’re confused.

What I am most crabby appleton about is the media coverage. John King obsessively poking his military-inspired voting GPS system as Wolf looks on over his shoulder, slack-jawed, like a Cro-Magnon discovering fire.

Furrow-browed and deeply caring Rev. Bill Moyers hearing Jeremiah Wright’s confession.

Mary Matalin, not the one who can’t hear, the Matalin who doesn’t listen, tight-lipping her theory that the Democrats really don’t want to win the White House. They are more concerned with solidifying their hold on Congress. They could care less.

Well, I don’t care what Democrat wins the presidency; I just want her to appoint me as Media Czar. And I don’t mean the new nice kind of czar Bush appoints when he has no clue what to do. War Czar, for example. The place should be crawling with Katrina Czars, Gitmo Czars, Sub-Crime Mortgage Czar. I mean the old Russian crabby czars. Like Putin.

When the story broke that Putin was having an affair with a Russian Olympian, a gold medal gymnast in rhythmic gymnastics, he was asked about it at a press conference. His wife did not appear at his side. Putin, whose soul George had seen during a staring contest, waxed on creepily about how Russian women are the best, Italians second and then groused about people who with “infected noses” dig into other people’s private lives. Which was how he got his start.

The next day the reporter’s paper was shut down. The picture of the gymnast with the sole of her foot on the back of her head disappeared. No word on the poor guy who asked the question at the press conference.

That kind of Media Czar, but a little less gulagy. I would institute mandatory term limits on all pundits. I would make it illegal to use your own name in the title of a news show. I am hoping Rachel Maddow will agree to be my Deputy Czar.

The Brave, Silent Ones

FACIN8 — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:23:00 GMT

Giving isn't the easiest thing for us to do. It takes effort, whether we are donating money or our time for a cause. There is a very special breed out there that juggles work, having a secular life along with finding the time volunteer to help in the community. These people spend their evenings planning functions, showing up for events, working functions when they would rather be attending. These are the people who the bible calls "servants of others" who enjoy the soul giving that come from helping other people and serving for the greater good.

I have made it a personal mission to start to be a volunteer, to start serving others, in my quest for personal growth. I have met many people who have opened their hearts and found in it the ability to be the silent givers of our community. These are the ones who show up to set up, who give the gift of time and planning for our venues, who help out when they see a need. These are the people who do not get thanks, who don't get recognized for all they do, who help make each function we attend, special and well run. The ones who attend every function so that the masses are there, who work on causes that should be near and dear to all of hearts, toiling many hours. These are the ones who also work in the non-profit field for less than standard pay, because they believe in what they do. These are the ones that are the first to rally to a cause.

The question that I face is what do I give? How can I complain about the issues in my community if I do not take an active part in changing it? How do I go about creating the change that I want to see? It is by showing up, by being there, by fighting alongside my brothers and sisters, even in the little things. It is by being at each event, by giving of my time and money to help, it is about acknowledging that change is created by each brick that we either build or tear down. It is in the little things that we do. It is by fighting apathy in every moment. It is by helping those who are already in the ditches fighting our collective battles. It is by learning, watching and, most of all, doing!

We are in a war of our lives, for our lives. Whether it is for the rights of all women, for our gay community, for the causes that are near and dear to each of our hearts, no matter what they are, we need to show up, ready to dig in and help!

If you know of someone in your circle who is a volunteer, thank them, spend a moment and see what they do and maybe, even just maybe, ask how you can help! You might surprise yourself and enjoy it, even if it is only for one function a month. Share the weight of change and see how much you are changed in the process. And as you volunteer, remember to smile and enjoy your gift, it is a wonderful feeling, giving just to give!

The Reasons I Like Being a Lesbian

JuliePhineas — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:47:00 GMT

Well my friends… here you have it. I am about to bust out with a serious display of lesbian pride and give you a list of reasons why I like being a lesbian!

I am also going to keep it real and give you a list of reasons why I don’t like being a lesbian too! (All in good fun of course. *wink) Now, you may or may not have read my article which is titled How I Became a Lesbian Mom. To give you a short idea of that post, I talked about how I committed to my partner Gina after divorcing the father of my two children. The marriage to my children’s father lasted about five years, and at this point in my life Gina and I have been in a committed relationship for five years. Today, at this point in the game, I can stop and reflect on the differences between being in a committed lesbian relationship and being in a straight relationship. It’s truly interesting and funny to me to think about how my life has gone from one end of the rainbow to the other end of it – and I mean that literally!

I hope that you will enjoy reading what I think are the best things about being a lesbian.

Just keep in mind that these insights are based on my own personal experiences as a lesbian, and are not intended to be taken as advice or reasons to become a lesbian. That is totally up to you!! Whether you are a lesbian or not, I don’t mean to provide this list to help others figure out their own sexual orientation. I just thought it would be a good read because I noticed some funny things about lesbian life that made me realize that I really like being a lesbian as compared to being in a straight relationship. Before I guess you could say I didn’t want to fall into some type of ‘man hater’ category of lesbians, and I truly don’t want that to be the case now. But honestly, there are some perks to lesbian life and I sometimes feel like being a lesbian is a luxury! So that being said, I decided to share some thoughts I had about being a lesbian, and the reasons why I like being a lesbian.

I thought I would start off by sharing this video that I found on YouTube that was made by a lesbian in Norway called The 10 Best Reasons to Be a Lesbian.

**Caution: she uses adult language so if you have children around you right now be aware before watching.

The woman in this video speaks from the butch perspective and talks about how it is nice for her not to have wear makeup to impress men, and other reasons she chose to be a lesbian. My list of reasons to be a lesbian (or rather the 5 reasons why I like being a lesbian) are from the perspective of a femme lesbian in a relationship with a butch lesbian.

So now that you know that, here is the list that I put together with the pros of being a lesbian; or good things about being a lesbian from my perspective:

#1 The number one thing I have to say is the best thing about being a lesbian is that you can SHARE STUFF! Gina and I can share most items that are geared towards women such as facial products, body wash, shoes, hair styling accesories, and clothing. So for example say I am tired of the scent of my body spray… I still have her collection of body sprays to choose from! We can choose from each others hair accessories, lotions, jewelry, and sometimes clothes and shoes fit the both of us and we can share. This did not happen when I was in a straight marriage! Plus, there are many things that Gina and I can buy one of and share like women's vitamins, hair color, Midol, etc.

#2 The next best thing about being a lesbian is the unique advantages. This includes advantages such as having a knowledgeable female on hand to turn to for female things such as help with a pedicure, or home breast exam. Because we are both females we can go into the women's restroom together, and sometimes we can pass ourselves off as being ‘just friends’ in places that are not-so-gay-friendly. Another unique advantage to being a lesbian is that straight women tend not to view you as a threat for stealing their man and are more likely to be friendly rather than, how can I say it… bitchy. LOL

#3 The third reason I like being a lesbian is because instead of a spare room, we’ve got a spare womb!! When it comes to having another baby and expanding our family I can totally pass the buck to her! There are more reproductive options actually, it's quite suprising. Either one of us could carry a child, or we could both carry at the same time. We could even opt to have one of us carry and the other take medication to make her lactate and breastfeed. This was definately not happening in a straight relationship, although in a Transgendered relationship it is possible to have a 'spare womb' as well.

#4 Next I would have to say a difference between the straight relationship that I had and the lesbian relationship that I am committed to now would be that we do a lot more stuff together. Since we are the same gender we enjoy many of the same things, have a similar perspective on certain ideas, and seem to be pushing the same agenda in life. We both enjoy shopping together and watching The L Word, plus we both don’t mind watching ’chick flicks’. We both like to watch The Oxygen Channel and Lifetime too; and we both have the type of relationship with chocolate and carbs that only a woman could appreciate. We shop from the same stores for clothes, shoes, and personal products; and we can both appreciate some good Tupperware and a good pair of tweezers. As you can imagine, we have very many of the same interests and because of this we spend a lot of our time doing things together rather than apart.

#5 The number 5 reason I like being a lesbian is having someone to talk to. Being a lesbian I have another female to talk to, share stories with, discuss makeup and hair styles with, get fashion tips from, and spill gossip to. When I ask Gina what she thinks about my outfit, I have confidence in her answer! Plus, I trust the advice that she gives me on hair styles to try, or makeup tricks to apply. I don’t have to pick up the phone to call my best girl friend for advice or gossip, I have access to her around the clock! Plus, because my spouse is another female, she understands me and my unique concerns as a female (and vice versa!). One big difference I noticed is that as a lesbian there is less pressure to maintain a certain weight or image as a ‘trophy wife’. The most important issue to my wife is my happiness, and she understands when I get caught up in emotional eating, obsessing over losing weight, or other things tied to image. We give each other a break from having to be ‘superwoman to society’, and can understand each others mood swings and irrational behavior around certain times of the month. I can always turn to her no matter what I am going through, and she can always come to me for support as well. We know that each understands the other. This is one of the biggest bonuses in our relationship.

Okay, so there you have it! Now here is my list of reasons why I don’t like being a lesbian, and for extra fun this time I am going to go backwards!

#5 The number 5 reason I don’t like being a lesbian is this… loving another woman keeps me on my toes! Batting my eyelashes to get my way doesn’t work because she can do the same right back, and leaving a trail of lingerie to the bed is not viewed by another woman as sexy it’s viewed as laundry. *LOL Plus, she really notices my fashion faux pa’s and bad hair days, and I get no sympathy for my PMS since she has to deal with the same thing. Both of us can be stubborn and emotional, and we both cry at weddings. Our house can be ‘all feelings all the time’, and sometimes it feels like I have stepped into an episode of The L Word with all the lesbian drama.

#4 The fourth reason that I don’t like being a lesbian is because it can be hard to know which ‘role’ to take in the relationship. In my past straight relationships, the roles were assumed for the most part. Gina and I had to decide which of us would be in charge of taking out the trash, taking the children to and from school, preparing meals, handling the finances, etc. Sometimes there are roles that we both expected to fit, such as being invited to baby showers, and Tupperware parties; and there are also roles that neither of us are expected to fit such as when it comes to handling automotive repairs or heavy lifting. I imagine that every relationship whether a gay, straight, or transgendered relationship has some level of determining the roles of each partner; but this is one part of being a lesbian that I do not like. In my past straight relationships I remember feeling frustrated at the assumptions of roles based on gender. Now, in a committed lesbian relationship I feel frustrated that we are still expected to maintain certain roles as women by society, when that is not the case in our daily life. The roles can be very unclear because society has no precedence set for the roles in LGBT families. In school my children are clearly taught to give mommy flowers on mother’s day and daddy a tie on father’s day. There is never a thought to the possibility of gay families with two moms or two dads, or for that matter families with a grandmother as the mother figure, an older sibling as the parent, or that a dad might appreciate flowers rather than a tie and vice versa. The issue of roles is very frustrating to me and one of the downers of being gay, because discussing the issue of ‘who takes which roles’ in the relationship can be an emotional power struggle… add in the fact that we are two stubborn and emotional women and then you can understand why this is the fourth reason that I don’t like being a lesbian.

#3 The third reason I don't like being a lesbian is because the female health concerns are doubled in our household! As we grow old together, Gina and I are guaranteed to face menopause together twice, plus we face double the risk of facing infertility, ovarian cancer, cervical cancer, breast cancer, and other female health problems. On a smaller scale we deal with double the PMS and associated mood swings, and double the bill on feminine products and medications. Plus with two women fighting off the signs of aging we spend twice as much on feminine anti aging products than a straight couple would spend.

#2 The number two reason that I do not like being a lesbian is because of the negative media portrayal of gays and lesbians, and the existence of Lesbophobia.

Many times you will see straight women kissing each other for attention which is somehow okay, but the LGBT community is usually portrayed in a sexual context which leads to the common mis-perception that we are "sexual deviants". As a result my wife's and my existence are considered mature content and not suitable for children. (hilarious isn't it!?) For example, a cartoon of Postcards From Buster showed a two mom family and was protested so heavily that it never made air. It has also happened more times than we know that people who have a mis-perception about the LGBT community have resorted to violence against us to prove their mis-informed point.

#1 And the Number One Reason the I Don't Like Being a Lesbian is... getting hit on by guys for threesomes!!! I don't know what makes a man think that it's OK to ask if he can come home with us once he finds out we are committed lesbians. I never had a man ask me if he could come home with us when I was in a straight relationship! LOL Anyhoo... yeah, I could live without that factor.

So there you have it! Being a lesbian has it's ups and downs like any relationship should, LOL. I think that lesbian life is for me personally, and I have finally found my calling!

I hope you enjoyed reading about the reasons that I like being a lesbian, and the reasons that I don't like being a lesbian as well. Feel free to comment on this post and let us know what you like about being a lesbian from your own personal perspective, or for that matter if you are gay or trans let us know what's good from your perspective as well! Thank you for visiting, and I hope that you visit again soon. Stay well!

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.

Cruising Intentionally with OLIVIA - The Voice of a SOLO

olivia — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 01:26:00 GMT

Two days before my first cruise with Olivia, fifteen dear women friends celebrated my 60th birthday. All but one are straight, so the love and support from which they sent me forward with their creative gay songs and poems into this solo cruising experience was touching to say the least. They understood that my trip was about far more than just pleasure. I was taking another LEAP, having come out only four years earlier after retiring from a longstanding 37 year career in elementary education, (I admit to being so wrapped up in my many career extensions and creative roles that I was not listening intentionally to my strong inner voices.) It is the emotional impact I felt while on the Caribbean Cruise for the Cause I wish to share with others.

In Vermont, I am fortunate to work and live with gentle, liberal thinking folks, but we are still conservative in what feels safe out there in public. For me, one of the most touching experiences on the cruise happened each night as I walked about the decks. It felt simply joyful to see women openly embracing, holding hands, free to hug and kiss while expressing their love and compassion for one another, some women in their elder years. Being surrounded by women who love women was both empowering and hopeful. It elevated my personal wish for a life partner to the top of my “live with intention” list! Often, I was quietly overcome with a sense of blessing that would be hard to adequately express. I am forever changed by this latest journey experience. We all seek that affirmation and personal validation, and some lesbians I have met found that years ago at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival. OLIVIA was my enlightenment!

From the moment I arrived at the hotel, I was networking with not only solos but wonderful partners I met at the party, in the cab, in line waiting for embarkation, and even beforehand online - - wonderful women who just sort of took me into their circle of friends. Throughout the week, I would reconnect with them in nurturing and inclusive ways. Thanks to the well-orchestrated activities for solos, the opportunity to meet Dr. Susan Love personally, the open and welcoming communication with Olivia personnel, the onshore adventures, and all the new friends I met, the entire trip surpassed even my greatest hopes. Personal empowerment was icing on the cake, every bit as good as the birthday cake Olivia surprised me with onboard!

I encourage other solos, or those taking journey steps like mine, and those sixty and over to treat themselves to an Olivia experience. It might be the most loving thing you have ever done for yourself! I’m already booked on the March 1st Caribbean Cruise for the Cause in 2009. Thank you, Olivia!

Lynne Balman is a retired teacher and administrator from Middlebury, Vermont. She has her educational doctorate in leadership and Curriculum/Instruction.

Bitter? Moi?

KateClinton — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 17:19:00 GMT

Hold up, let me just get this gun back in my gun rack. I had it out after Church. No, not to go see the His Extreme Narrowmindedness in New York. I’m not the kind of gal.

I know it’s not fair to take Barack Obama’s words out of context. I actually agree with him about the dreary economic dead-endedness many Americans feel. Grocery-buying, tank-filling, tax paying American citizens, unlike our faith-based economists, are realists. Class resentment is a bitter pill whether you swallow it with rods or religion.

But it’s Pennsylvannia pre-primary pounce time and mountains will be made. It’s not like Obama was wind-surfing off Nantucket. Roll tape of pick-up basketball game. Ixnay on the bowling footage.

Okay, I’ll take back the thing about the gun rack and church.

But don’t you be going after my Annie Oakley! Have you no decency?

I was raised on Little Miss Sure Shot. In my impressionable single digits, I watched her on TV. Hence the photos of everyone in the family pictures posed in civvies, except me. I’m in the red and black, fringed cowgirl shirt with holster tied to my right thigh with a piece of rawhide. You can’t see the rawhide, but it’s there.

Annie Oakley, whose offspring went on to make a fortune in high-price, sporty sunglasses, and the very sexually ambiguous fly-girl, Mary/Peter Martin/Pan, were my early role models. I never warmed up to the lives of the young Christian martyrs which were bedtime stories for the tween Ratzinger. To me, the stories of girl-martyrs having their eyes gouged out in early abstinence-only programs or boy-martyrs asking to be turned on the barbie for Jesus, were more unsettling than inspiring.

But Annie Oakley! She was one sharpshooter! She could split a playing card edge at 90 feet with a .22 caliber rifle. And put five or six more holes in it before it touched the ground. And dodge sniper fire from Wild Bill at the same time. And she never shot anyone in the face. I’m not sure about the last two.

Could our darling Dems please hold their fire at each other? I’m much more interested in how they intend to set their sights on John McCain who each day girds himself in more media-made Reagan Teflon than any Iraqi soldier was ever issued.

Enough with the sappy Compassion Forums. It’s time to get out to the target-practice range of our nation’s Rod and Gun Club and show us some sharp shooting. Whoever hits the most skeets wins all the super-delegates. Pull!

Big Fun in Chicago

KateClinton — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:13:00 GMT

In what we like to think of as “personal time” my dear partner and I went together to Chicago for some almost simultaneous gigs. Luckily we were scheduled to fly United to Chicago. Oops, I thought you were checking the electronic wiring in the wheel wells.

Urvashi spoke at the Race, Sex and Power Conference at Illinois University’s gorgeous new Forum Building. Her panel on “Sexual Citizenship” followed the opening plenary talk given by the indefatigable Dr. Jocylen Elders.

Dr. Elders had been Surgeon General in the first Clinton Presidency but was fired when she said that masturbation is a healthy part of safe sex. Bill did not stand by his woman. It’s his male-pattern badness. In the question and answer period after her wonderful talk, she remarked that more vows of abstinence have been broken than condoms.

I always wanted to make a bumper sticker that said, “I Masturbate and I Vote.” It gives a whole new meaning to “pulling the lever.”

After Urvashi spoke, she flew on to Minneapolis to address nine hundred attendess at the ninth annual “Rainbow Families” Conference. I stuck around and enjoyed the April lake effect snow in Chicago and emceed the 19th Annual LGBT Center Dinner at the gorgeous old Chicago Hilton Hotel.

On the morning of the dinner, the Center Board Chair, Robert Kohl and board member Vickie Raymont gave me a tour of The Center, opened just this year to serve the LGBT community. I thanked them for their time on such a busy day, but they said they love to show off their dream become reality. I soon saw what they meant.

The Center on Halsted is a stunning, welcoming, exciting space and even at 11a it was hopping. A cyber center, a gym, a counseling center, expandable meeting rooms, a theater, a community kitchen are all beautifully designed for the needs of the Chicago LGBT community.

A beautiful new Whole Foods Market rents space from the Center and they share a common café space. It’s a genius, innovative win-win situation. Other organizations should take note: GLAAD linked with Blockbuster, HRC with a Prada Store, The National Black Justice Coalition with Restoration Hardware, NGLTF with Cinnabon. Everybody loves Cinnabon.

The dinner was a real celebration of the opening of the Center. I introduced Lorna Luft. A friend at the Race, Sex and Gender Conference asked if it was the real Lorna Luft or a drag Lorna Luft. She was mighty real. After a great dinner, the dance band “Big Fun” cranked it up and Chicago got down.

I couldn’t wait to get back home to tell my friend, Richard Burns What I’d Seen. Richard, who runs the NYC GLBT Center and is in the middle of a Capital campaign for an addition to the Center, was way ahead of me. He and his board already visited and stolen plenty of idea’s!!

P.B.T.S.D.

KateClinton — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 23:05:00 GMT

The Pope is coming to Manhattan and we don’t have congestion pricing. It’s going to be hell.

I can’t focus on the news, but near as I can figure The Widow Ratzinger is carrying an Olympic torch for Cardinal Egan of the Diocese of New York. He’s come a-courtin! Antiques Roadshow says it’s the original torch! Benny the Dict will be saying a mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral and at Yankee Stadium. Cardinal Egan will throw out the first host.

Though I used to be a conscientious Designated Bush Watcher, these days I watch the news distractedly. I don’t think I’m alone. The New York Times has accommodated by becoming news Cliff Notes. I’m dissociative. I pretend that HBO’s John Adams is the breaking news. I went to the very helpful WhatTheHellisWrongwithMe website and self-diagnosed what ails me. I believe I have early onset PBTSD, Post-Bush-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

My presenting symptoms of lethargy, distraction and dissociation are compounded by Clinton Fatigue. And I am one. What IS Hillary Clinton’s sleep number? I’m tired for her. But why does she have to have an exit strategy and Petraeus doesn’t?

I have a wicked case of Oblahblahma Cynicism which prevents me from seeing the magic of another guy with no experience, known for his talking skills, good or bad. He weenied out with timetable babble when questioning Petraeus.

With my PBTSD, I wouldn’t know a revolution of the human spirit if I fell over one. No, I can’t. I can’t stomach another story of pathetic boomer parents bonding with their darling children by taking cooking classes, snowboarding and switching from Clinton to Obama. Yet another reason not to have children.

With a pre-existing condition of Pre-Collision Intelligence, I have profound disbelief that the disaster that is John McCain is an actual presidential contender. Two words: George Bush. How can Republicans say that they will vote their pocketbook, which has been so thoroughly picked?

At night I am plagued by rational fears that Condi Rice is going to spring fully formed as a vice-presidential running mate out of the giant wen on McCain’s cheek.
Condi’s been giving signals that he hasn’t been picking up – there’s a great start. McCain’s wife, Republican Spice, has been scrambling them and will snap Condi’s neck if she gets an inch closer.

Instead of going to therapy, I’ve been watching HBO’s In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne and my favorite, Dianne Wiest. Not really. I can’t watch. I’m too restless, but my friends who watch say he never discusses insurance coverage, co-pay or prescription prices. Or that hour sessions are fifty minutes long.

Amuse Bouche

KateClinton — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:23:00 GMT

Those gals from Boston know how to throw a party! It’s not just about tea anymore. Oh it hasn’t been for years. Have you been to a Red Sox World Series Parade? The Annual Women’s Dinner to benefit the Fenway Community Health Center was held in the Westin Copley and the ladies were out!!

At the special donor cocktail party before dinner, I ran into lots of wonderful galpals. Byllye Avery and Ngina Lythcott, New York pals who have moved to Boston, and pioneers in black women’s health were there, giving me a hard time about Hillary. Dr. Jane Petro, just back with lots of dish from Dubai later bid to have lunch with me this summer at Ptown’s Karoo Café. We’ll catch up especially on her strategy of going to work in Bermuda shorts under her burkha. Alix Ritchie and Marty Davis, longtime supporters of women and women in journalism brought stories of Ptown transplants to Fort Lauderdale. It was also great to meet new supporters of the historical work of Fenway. Especially the dames from Southie who offered to be my bodyguards if the jokes didn’t go well.

Again, I was honored to be the amuse bouche, the ordained emcee for the evening’s dinner and reminded everyone that this was the last supper – under the Bush Regime.

Boston Mayor Tom Menino and his great wife Angela came to the dinner as they always have. Denise Simmons, a long and strong supporter of Fenway was there too – but this time as the first African-American, out lesbian Mayor of the city of Cambridge! I want her to run for president.

Through the hard work of co-chairs and table captains, a not-very-silent auction, a pledge drive with a match from Dr. Susan Love, a pioneer in women and breast cancer, [who told me once she used my “Thanks for the Mammaries” story on an early record for her lesbian patients] and a live auction, lots more money was raised to reach the capital campaign goals.

One fabulous table captain had made goodie bags filled with favors for the friends she’d wrangled into coming to the dinner. One table had made an actual captain’s hat for their friend. As I was passing a table of Fenway revelers, one woman waved me over and handed me photos of me from the Jamesville-Dewitt H.S. yearbook of 1977! And thus I met a former student!

The fun of the evening helped me get through and over my mourning for my Rutgers Scarlet Knights.

Mourning in America

KateClinton — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 03:32:00 GMT

Today I am wearing a large black armband for my beloved Rutgers Scarlet Knights.

I sat Shiva all night after their loss to U Conn.

My eyes are downcast. I am despondent.

No more Epiphanies. No more joie de C. Viv.

Join me in demanding that Pat Summit leave the race.

And why does no one demand that George Bush leave?

Another time, now I must resume my mourning in America.

It Ain't Over

KateClinton — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:42:00 GMT

Hillary Clinton is like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. She just keeps coming back for more. She’s a fighter and you’ve got to love that. No really, you’ve got to love that. Don’t make me have to come over there.

She hasn’t asked me, but I don’t think Hillary should get out of the race. I do think she should take maybe a couple of days off. Go down to Florida where the state motto translated from the Latin is: Florida, where your primary vote doesn’t count either. She should sit in the sun with a big straw hat on and read a big fat Danielle Steele book cover to cover. Chill.

Barack Obama went to the islands for Easter, heck, he couldn’t go to his old church, and he played some hoops while Hillary was trying to avoid non-sniper fire. Maybe rope-a-dope is his new strategy.

The campaign has gone on so long we’ve cycled through seasons of sports metaphors: the symbology of football Bowls, basketball bracketology, baseball spring training. Why stop before the Summer Olympics? The torch is on the way from Greece to China by way of Mt. Everest, through some got-nothing-to-lose monk riots. Let the games continue!

In a recent poll, and I don’t know about you, I can’t get enough of those recent polls, 38% of Democrats said that if their candidate isn’t the Presidential nominee they are going to vote for McCain. The poll was translated from scratchy Arabic on a cassette tape dropped off at CNN.

Based on that poll, everybody, even Fickle Friends of Hillary [FFOH] are calling for Hillary to get out of the race. I even heard someone invoke Tonya Harding. That is cold. Hey, we’ve come this far in the presidential marathon, why make Hillary pull a reverse Rosie Ruiz?

Fighters are made better by good sparring partners. Tennis players improve by with hard-hitting practice partners. My niece, who doesn’t get a lot of game time, takes her role in practice on her division-leading college lacrosse team very seriously.

If Barack Obama thinks the Clintons are relentless, petty and dirty double-teamers, I’m sure there’s a Yogi Berra saying that applies here to indicate that he ain’t seen nothing yet.

McCain is a reckless kamikazi for freedom. He has the grudging support of his fellow Republicans and their machine. McCain also has the full-larynxed support of the media boys he’s curried for years. They love his ***.

The Loserland television networks are invested in keeping the campaign going, despite their disingenuous goading of Hillary to quit. They say do the delegate math. There’s no way. They must have forgotten what Harvard’s Larry Summers said about women and math.

Like the print media, the networks are hemorrhaging audience to the Internet. This is their last campaign hurrah. And they desperately want to elect one more president for the Gipper.

So Obama/Michael Douglas quit your whining. Hillary is doing you a favor. Don’t be caught flat-footed. Get your cup on. Wear your head and mouth gear.

And watch for her knock out punch.

Passion Weekend

KateClinton — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:37:00 GMT

Because of my lapsed Catholic state, just as I was leaving for the airport I realized that I was going to be traveling on Easter weekend. I’m still thrown off by the three weeks earlier than usual spring-ahead clock change and, excuse me, but it seems like Jesus got here at Christmas and just three months later, he’s outta here. It would inspire the faithful a bit more, if he wouldn’t busta move out so soon.

So it was me, Easter pilgrims and spring breakers headed out to the Southwest. I landed in Phoenix, AZ and got a quick ride to Tempe with Barbara McCullough who caught me up over lunch on local politics and the schemes of Equality Arizona. That night I performed at their amazing new Arts Center. Neil Giuliano, now executive director of GLAAD, was in the audience. When he was mayor of Tempe, he had secured the funds and broken ground for the theater. It was great to see him in his old home town.

For a few years, I’ve been talking about a rumor I’d heard about a gang of old dames, circling up the silver airstreams and making a community north of Phoenix. Well, dang if 96 of them didn’t come down from AJ, short for the p.i. Apache Junction, and come to the show. I was surrounded by them after the show in a jostling, scrum of radiant crones. Next time I’m out that way, I have to make a pilgrimage. I don’t know what they’re doing up there in their sweat lodge, but they all look amazing, transcendent.

The next day I went to the state next door, New Mexico and did a show at The Human Rights Alliance dinner in Santa Fe. The dinner is an annual tradition by activists and for activists who are working to transform their state. They transformed a huge tennis center into a festive catered meal and a huge silent auction space. After that, the state should be easy.

One of their awards went to their Governor, Bill Richardson, just two days after he’d announced that he was supporting Barack Obama. It was the talk of the dinner. He graciously accepted the award, midst a too-small chorus of hisses. He was sporting a new beard. I think he was hoping it would disguise him.

While in booming Santa Fe, I stayed at the new Rainbow Visions a retirement community for senior LGBTs. My favorite amenity was the Billie Jean King recreation center housed in the main building with full restaurant and a lovely theater. The staff was friendly and fun, and I wanted to sit and hear the life-stories of many of the residents I met.

Even though the amateurs were traveling back home on Sunday, I made it time to see the last episode of the L-Word season. Talk about a perfect end to Passion Week. And thank goodness for another season, even if it’s a shortened one. A lot of old story lines were resurrected and I don’t know about you, but I need some closure.

Navigating Religion as a Lesbian Mom

JuliePhineas — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 18:03:00 GMT

For most of my life, I was fairly able to avoid the topic of religion and any life decisions that came along with it.

Lately however, I’ve come face to face with some hard decisions to make in the department of religion because of my children. When it comes to life’s mysteries, it can be hard to know what to believe yourself, let alone what to teach your children to believe. As a lesbian mom, I’ve also come face to face with the choices that other people have made for themselves with their own religious beliefs and how they feel about homosexuality. In my journeys through my religious options, I’ve been on the receiving end of harsh judgment and total acceptance; bearing witness to the opposite extremes of emotions that religious people can have towards me once they discover I am a lesbian. Navigating the choices I have had to make about religion as a lesbian mom has been an interesting experience, and I felt like it was important to share what I’ve gone through with you.

My family baptized me as a Catholic when I was a baby. Then they converted when I was about twelve and I was ‘re-born’ as a Christian.

I remember at some point also going to other types of churches, and my mother even trying out her hand as a Jehovah’s Witness. As an adult, I was very confused about my own religious beliefs and whether I believed in God, and I lived a life of questioning what I was raised to believe in even though I didn’t really know what I believed in. I felt like religion was supposed to provide me with some sort of answer to life’s big questions and mysteries, yet all I was filled with was more unanswered questions. At some point I just decided that I didn’t know if I believed in a God or if I didn’t, and that was that.

When I had my first child in 2000, I realized that I would have to come to some sort of decision about what I believed in because now I was also responsible for the life of another human being.

The issue of religion came up right away because my family wanted the baby to be baptized in a church even though I didn’t want to commit to any one religion. I managed to avoid the issue by hiring a non-denominational minister to perform a ‘dedication ceremony’ in an outdoor setting. This was dedicating my son’s life to the “greater good” so I felt that I was satisfying the part of me that wanted some sort of belief in a Higher Power and also the part that didn’t believe. I was still questioning, and managed to keep things that way… for a little while.

I had a tough time after my son was born – I had another baby right before my marriage totally fell apart, and then came out as a lesbian right after.

Having been to the Catholic and Christian Sunday schools and bible studies, it was ingrained in me that divorce was a big no-no and so was being a lesbian. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil, self doubt, self hatred, and questioning of life during that period of time. I am so blessed that I had my two children and Gina during that time because they were really what kept me going through it all. I really had to come to terms with the choices that I had made and reconcile them with the religious beliefs I had been taught. I went in search of answers and I took the time to find them. Now I don’t consider myself to be religious, I say that I am ‘spiritual’, but honestly I still haven’t taken the time to baptize or dedicate my youngest child as of yet. She is going to be 6 in July. Now, I have taken so long to make a choice about what religious beliefs to instill as a lesbian mom, that this child is about ready to tell me what religion to choose herself! *LOL

Our oldest is 7 and the youngest is 5, and I think I’ve avoided the issue of religion as much as I can.

They can both read now, and understand adult conversations. They notice things, and remember stuff, and have questions about everything. Just like me, they want to know. It’s hard to know what to say when a child asks you what happens when we die, or who is Jesus. My son has practiced meditation because he saw it on a cartoon, and knows what a Buddhist monk looks like when he sees one because of a family movie we watched once. Another family movie, called Fluke, is about a dog who remembers a past life as a husband and father. That movie inspired a ton of questions from the kids and made me realize that I really needed to decide what I was going to teach my kids to believe.

If you are a member of the LGBT community (with children or not) this issue is one that is going to come up at one point or another in your life.

Many religions are anti-gay and discourage homosexuality, considering homosexuals to be what Hindu society refers to as pariah or outcasts. There are some Christian denominations and other religions that are accepting of members of the LGBT community. If you are a lesbian, bi-sexual, trans-sexual or gay man, you are really going to have to do your homework if you are looking for an accepting place of worship in your area. You are going to want to determine if you are going to have any problems with discrimination first before you show up. (Read this article about a lesbian couple from the United States who was denied communion at their local parish after they were married in Canada.) Over the past few years Gina and I have had baptisms, weddings, and funerals to attend in different types churches and at a funeral for my father’s aunt, a man who seemed to be the guy in charge literally put his hand up and stopped us asking me “Is that your sister?” I said “No, this is my wife.” This guy had to think for a minute before he stepped aside and said “Okay you can go in.” I couldn’t believe it. One church I attended without Gina asked me if I had a husband and told me that the next time I went I had to take my husband… yikes!!

You can research different religions online before you go, and determine which places of worship that you endorse and which you want to avoid.

When you attend, be wary of the materials they provide such as brochures and prayer books. You’ll also want to listen to the songs that the choir sings and determine if the message being delivered is one that you endorse. We took our children to a Methodist church this past Thursday for a re-enactment of The Last Supper, since Easter is coming up. The kids are old enough to read the words in the song books now and it was sooo cute to see them read and sing about love and kindness! I would have been upset if the kids were ever subjected to the discrimination that Gina and I have. Instead, my heart was beaming with gratefulness to see the kids participate in activities like symbolic washing of the hands of the person sitting next to you, plus the sharing of bread and punch. They had a ton of questions that night for sure!

In any case here is what Wikipedia says about religion and homosexuality:

Though the relationship between homosexuality and religion can vary greatly across time and place, within and between different religions and sects, and regarding different forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, current authoritative bodies and doctrines of the world's largest religions generally view homosexuality negatively. This can range from quietly discouraging homosexual activity, to explicitly forbidding same-sex sexual practices among adherents and actively opposing social acceptance of homosexuality. Some teach that homosexual orientation itself is sinful, while others assert that only the sexual act is a sin. Some claim that homosexuality can be overcome through religious faith and practice. On the other hand, voices exist within each of these religions that view homosexuality more positively, and liberal religious denominations may even bless same-sex marriages. Some view same-sex love and sexuality as sacred, and a mythology of same-sex love can be found around the world.

Here is a list of books from Amazon on the subject of LGBT Religion and Spirituality:

- Reclaiming The Spirit: Gay Men and Lesbians Come to Terms with Religion here

- Coming Out Within: Stages of Spiritual Awakening for Lesbians and Gay Men here

- From Wounded Hearts: Faith Stories Of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, And Transgender People And Those Who Love Them here

- Equal Rites: Lesbian and Gay Worship, Ceremonies, and Celebrations here

- Lesbian Rabbis: The First Generation here

- Qu(e)erying Evangelism: Growing a Community From the Outside In here

- Face to Face: Gay And Lesbian Clergy on Holiness And Life Together here

- Are There Closets in Heaven?; A Catholic Father and Lesbian Daughter Share their Story here

- Waiting for the Call: From Preacher's Daughter to Lesbian Mom here

What I have found is that the main religious denominations where you can find total gay acceptance are:

Metropolitan Community Church
Unitarian Universalist Church
United Church of Christ
United Church of Canada
Paganism
Neopagan
Wiccan

Some congregations of the following denominations are accepting of the LGBT community:

Christian Reformed Church
Church of the Nazarene
Presbyterian
Anglican
Lutheran
Reformed Judaism
New Apostolic
Religious Society of Friends (Quaker)
The Unification Church

And here are some denominations which do not endorse homosexuality yet do support the human rights of the gay community:

Buddhism
Taoism
Confucianism
The United Methodist Church

There are also many spiritual centers emerging as places of worship as well with a focus on gay worshippers.

Once you've decided which belief system works for you, I suggest reaching out to others of the same faith for support and fellowship.

Meetup.com is a great place to meet others of the same faith. There are so many religions to choose from in society that I couldn’t possibly cover them all here in this article. I encourage you to do your homework and follow your heart!

Here are some websites where you can find out more about religion for lesbians and others in the LGBT community:

- Article: Lesbian caught between religion and outside world here

- Article: Religion and Homosexuality here

- Article: Lesbian Faith without Fear here

- Faith in America here

- OUT Faith here

- The Gay Religion Blog here

- Gay Church.org here

- A Lesbians Faith.com here

- Interfaith Advocates LGBT here

- Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion here

- Lesbian Life Religion and Spirituality here

- Religion on Gay City USA here

- Gay and Lesbian Mormons here

- GLBT Catholics here

- LGBT Episcopalians here

- Gay and Lesbian Atheists and Humanists here

- LGBT Jewish Organizations here

- Gay and Lesbian Quakers here

- The Gay and Lesbian Vaishnava Association here

- More Light Presbyterians here

- Lutherans Concerned here

The road to religious choices is definitely an interesting one.

I hope that I was able to give you a good jumpstart with the resources I’ve collected above. Finding a place of worship where you feel accepted is the ultimate goal, and I wish you the best on that journey. Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts and insights on navigating religion as a lesbian if you can. I really want to say thank you for reading this post and for those who are celebrating Easter this weekend I am sending Happy Easter wishes your way!

Until next post stay well and be safe.

Sincerely,

~Julie Phineas~ About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.

GLAAD

KateClinton — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 18:54:00 GMT

Just as everyone was sobering up from the St. Patrick’s Day parade and march, the big NYC GLAAD dinner was held at the mid-town Marriott Marquis. It was a dangerous but cuddly gay gridlock alert, color code level rainbow. Because of, or in spite of, a wild week of market, governor, construction crane up-then-down news, GLAAD fired up the jumbo-trons, poured the vodka, and put on a party.

There were stars aplenty, jammed corporate sponsored tables, pharma-fonted teleprompters, and a dinner din that registered a ten on the Can You Hear Me Now scale. No I can’t, but your lips are gorgeous. You can check out all the results at GLAAD.org, but allow me to report a few highlights.

The Beebo Brinker Chronicles, a dramatic compilation of the 1950s lesbian pulp novels of Ann Bannon won a GLAAD Media Award in the “Most Fun Off-Broadway Lesbian Entertainment, L-Word Eat Your Heart Out, Written by Kate Moira Ryan and Linda Chapman, Friends of Kate Clinton, And She is as Proud as Can Be of Them, You Should Go See It, Tell Your Friends” category. I’m not sure if that was the category, but yippee!

Despite the major comic temptations of Eliot Spitzer, the Jim McGreevy Trio, and George W’s market reassurances to the Economic Club as Bear Stearns collapsed a few blocks away, I had the serious task of presenting the GLAAD Excellence in Media Award to Judy Shephard.

It has been ten years since Judy’s son Matthew was brutally killed in Laramie, Wyoming for being gay and out. Judy has been a tireless witness against anti-gay violence. Each new anti-gay atrocity is both a raw reminder to her of what happened to her son and a further spur to her activism. She graciously accepted the award, and said she would of course rather have her son.

Her activism has impact. On the way out of the ballroom I ran into an old friend who told me that her Catholic High School had just dis-invited her to her reunion, even though she was class president and is one of their largest donors. She had just sent them updates on her partner and their three kids. Apparently she’d been stewing in her juices about it until she attended the GLAAD dinner and heard Judy Shepard. She said as she listened to Judy, she was texting the reunion committee and planning to use her own successful, mainstream publicity company for her media campaign.

Despite the big Bear Stearns weekend, the gays were out
Much Absolut vodka was consumed,

Not so much Bear Week
Bear Stearns week
Just as the gay people have their Bear Week, the copycat straight people had a big Bear Stearns weekend.

Lesbians and PCOS

JuliePhineas — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 18:26:00 GMT

*
Originally uploaded by simpsontwin

I knew that I had PCOS before I knew I was a lesbian.

I read an article in a magazine that talked about PCOS and I had many of the symptoms that were mentioned in that article. Honestly at the time I just thought I was imagining things and didn’t look into it at all; I pretty much forgot about the article until later on. The many symptoms I had would eventually make me prone to miscarriage and infertility, amongst many other things. After losing a few pregnancies in the early weeks, I was blessed to have the two children that I have now. I was diagnosed with PCOS (which stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) after I had my first child, because that was when I started to get really sick. It started slowly at first, just a couple of days off of work for the flu here and there. Then other health problems started to come up, and my being sick was starting to look like a trend.

It was hard to diagnose at first, because I kept being directed to doctors who were trained for my symptoms, but not in the cause.

What I didn’t know when I read that article was how new the illness was to the medical world. None of my doctors put all of my symptoms together to discover a single cause. I had seen a cardiologist, urologist, and neurologist, when what I needed to diagnose me was a gynecologist! Fortunately much time has passed since then and people are taking this illness a little more seriously. I myself had to take this illness seriously as soon as I had my children. When I started to see my health decline I was especially worried for them. I fought for my health to be here for them and I had to do my homework to figure out how to keep this illness from impacting my family life in a negative way.

During my research on PCOS I was astonished to find that the 32% of heterosexual women have polycystic ovaries but in lesbian women the occurrence is a whopping 80%!!!(article)

Eighty percent is pretty darn close to one hundred percent in my book! That’s a lot of lesbians with polycystic ovaries!! Are you a lesbian? Do you have polycystic ovaries?? If so, you could also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. The studies show that 14% of the heterosexual women in their study had PCOS, while lesbian women in the study with PCOS were a drastically higher 38%. Here is what the U.S. Department of Health Women’s Health website has to say about PCOS:

Polycystic ovary syndrome can affect a woman's menstrual cycle, ability to have children, hormones, heart, blood vessels, and appearance. About one in ten women of childbearing age has PCOS. PCOS is the most common cause of female infertility (not being able to get pregnant). The cause of PCOS is unknown. Women with PCOS tend to have a mother or sister with PCOS. Researchers also think insulin could be linked to PCOS. For many women with PCOS, their bodies have problems using insulin so that too much insulin is in the body. Excess insulin appears to increase production of androgen. This hormone is made in fat cells, the ovaries, and the adrenal gland. Levels of androgen that are higher than normal can lead to acne, excessive hair growth, weight gain, and problems with ovulation.

Here is a list of common symptoms of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome:

-Irregular or No Periods and/or Irregular Bleeding

- Pelvic Pain and/or Pain during Intercourse

- Infertility and Higher Rates of Miscarriage, Gestational Diabetes, Pre-Eclampsia, and Premature Delivery

- Increased Hair Growth in Unwanted Areas (Hirsutism), Male Pattern Baldness or Thinning Hair (Alopecia)

- Skin Tags and Darkened Patches of Skin

- Acne, Oily Skin, or Dandruff

- Weight Gain and/or The Inability to Lose Weight

If you are a lesbian, you have a high likelihood of developing PCOS!

If you find that you are suffering from some of the above mentioned symptoms, don’t be like me – do something about it now, don’t put it off! Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome can lead to other health problems as well such as High Cholesterol, High Blood Pressure, Thyroid Problems, Insulin Resistance, and/or Type 2 Diabetes. Fifty percent of women with PCOS will develop Type 2 Diabetes which in turn can lead to Cardiovascular Disease, Kidney Failure, Vision Loss, Circulation Problems, and Liver Damage. Plus, women with PCOS are at a higher risk for Endometrial Cancer, Heart Attack, and Stroke… gee, doesn't this all sound so sexy???

If you are facing these symptoms, see your gynecologist ASAP to develop a program for you that will tackle this illness head on.

There is no cure for Polycystic Ovaries, but you can manage your symptoms and reduce the risks for developing more serious illnesses later on. One of the most important goals in treatment should be to have a regular period each month. When you have PCOS, the fundamental problem is that regular ovulation does not occur and most time you can find that there are cysts on your ovaries. These seem to be eggs that were not able to fully leave the ovary like with normal ovulation. This triggers a domino effect because then you don't have your period, your hormones get out of whack, and it triggers symptoms throughout your body which are basically a response to the imbalance of hormones in the body. Not having your period once in a while, say during pregnancy, is okay. But if you are going years with irregular or missing periods, this contributes to the thickening of your vaginal walls - thus the increased risk for Endometrial Cancer. (I know I know - more sexxy talk!)

Seriously my friends, if you (or a woman you know) is facing the possibility of PCOS you have to become aware of this!

idbracelets
Originally uploaded by A Touch of Glass

Studies are now showing that women with PCOS are highly likely to have a mother or sister with PCOS. My family history will show that my maternal grandmother (who died at age 37) had ovarian cysts. She died from an aneurysm, and also had severe migraines and vision loss in one eye. My mother at this moment is a young age 52, yet she has been plagued with medical problems her whole life. I can recall her losing babies during pregnancy when I was growing up and basically being sick her whole life. Now she is living on dialysis and with cardiovascular disease as a result of her diabetes. I have 4 sisters as well, and we all have our own form of female problems. All of these women - my grandmother, mother, myself and 4 sisters – have had to work within a medical world unaware of the big picture of PCOS. I myself was very diligent in getting care because my symptoms were pretty severe. I have had a lot of doctors look at me like I was an idiot and even tell me that I need to stop believing everything I read on the internet. (*LOL) Now things are different, and there is more comprehensive care; plus there is more research being done on PCOS as well.

This is how they found that there is link between PCOS and lesbians; the study was done between 2001 and 2003.

The findings that 80% of lesbian women in the study suffer from polycystic ovaries raised the question of whether this hormonal imbalance could contribute to our sexuality. I have had people ask me the probing question of why I think I am a lesbian, and I have to say that this is a whole new blog post, my friends! What I will say on this right now though, is that this for sure is an interesting line of questioning to pursue!! What I can contribute to this is that I have 4 sisters with female medical concerns, plus myself as well… and we are all gay. Well, I have one sister who has a husband but he is aware that she is a lover of women as well. (*wink) So yeah… LOL. That’s a fun fact for you that might make you wonder what’s really going on here, just like I do! I mean, why do so many lesbians have cysts on their ovaries, and why are all my mother’s daughters lesbians?? Hmmmm…

In any case, that question will take it’s time to get answered and in that meantime, I am here dealing with the fact that I am a lesbian with PCOS.

Like I mentioned above, there is no cure for this illness. The good news is that you can reduce your symptoms and manage your condition with some simple lifestyle changes. Remember that the main goal is to ovulate regularly, which you will know is happening when you have a regular menstrual cycle. There are a lot of different types of medication that a doctor can prescribe for you when you have PCOS. Some medications are for you to have a period, stop having your period, birth control, fertility pills, and/or diabetes medication. Sometimes you will need minor surgical procedures, alternative medicine treatments, and/or hormonal intervention. If you do your own research on the internet you will find that PCOS is only the tip of the iceberg – there is also Auto Immune Syndrome, Metabolic Syndrome, and Insulin Resistance to look into as well. PCOS is a hormonal imbalance and hormones act like triggers for many functions in our body. When you have an imbalance of hormones it affects many different areas of your body. Every woman has a unique program they have to follow to achieve their desired results within their given circumstances.

Here are some things that you can do on your own to help manage your symptoms if you do have PCOS:

1. Recognize that you have what is called an “Invisible Illness”. Nobody can see that you are sick from the outside, including yourself. There is a lot going on under the surface that you have to be mindful of. Recognize that you have an illness and make your health a priority! (Read my article titled My Invisible Illness here.)

2. Make great efforts to reduce the amount of stress in your life! Stress reduction is a HUGE factor in balancing the hormones in your body because stress does its own hormonal damage aside from any you might experience as a result of PCOS. Stress + PCOS = Hormonal Havoc. Read more on the impact of stress in women here. (The most stressful period of my life was the years of going through a divorce and coming out as a lesbian – this was also when I had the most visits to the hospital!)

3. Get plenty of rest! Sleep has its own hormonal contribution to your health, so make sure to get enough of it. Changes in the way you sleep, how often and how long you sleep, and what time of day you sleep can disrupt your body’s chemistry so this is something to keep aware of. If I don’t get a good night of sleep, I will feel very sick in the morning. If I get a good night of sleep then I am okay. Part of the reason I started to get sick so often after having my first baby was because that was the end of a good nights sleep! For women with PCOS who have a baby to wake to each night, be sure to take the advice “Sleep when the baby sleeps”!

4. Diet and Exercise are important to everybody’s health, but to women with PCOS even more so. Insulin and sugar levels have a lot to do with how you feel and maintaining a balance is crucial! In all honesty there is no need to add sugar into our food at all, except out of pure love for a sweet taste. Avoiding processed and sugary foods is a smart thing for everybody to do! Women with PCOS have a greater interest in avoiding sugar since the consequences are so severe. We have to take it a step further and avoid any food item (even a natural unprocessed food item) that will raise our glucose levels. Watch out for anything that is high in carbs. I tell you, if I eat a too many potatoes or carrots I will get reeaalllly sleepy. Can anyone say sugar coma?? Focus on complex carbs which have more fiber such as whole-grain products. A simple change from white bread to wheat bread can make a significant difference in your health! Foods made with Splenda instead of sugar are a smarter choice and so is taking a daily multi-vitamin. In addition, exercise helps to lower blood sugar levels and even a small loss in body weight can make a woman's cycle more regular.

5. Reduce the amount of environmental toxins you expose yourself to and drink plenty of water. In our current society we are practicing a lot of habits that man was not naturally intended to. There are so many man-made elements involved in our daily life that it’s easy to overlook the impact that they might have on us long term. The bottom line is that women with PCOS can benefit greatly from reducing their exposure to toxins in foods, the environment, and in the personal products that they use as well. Labeling laws are not in favor of the consumer, so I try to stay away from packaged food items in general, as much as I can. If you live near a store like Whole Foods or Trader Joes, that is a good place to start for more natural food items. I purchase nature-based home and personal care products from a members only catalog online. I am starting to see products like these available in the stores more as well such as with Seventh Generation and Method brand household products. In any case, drinking plenty of water is a good way to flush some of the toxins from your body daily.

6. You might also want to look into alternative therapies for your symptoms. Holistic healing methods address illness through the whole body and can help to alleviate many symptoms. Detoxification, such as with detox foot pads, is something I encourage but you should discuss this with your doctor. Other ideas are daily meditation, deep tissue massage, and aromatherapy.

7. Take some time to work on YOU. The emotional side effects of PCOS are real. Dealing with the unattractive side effects of polycystic ovaries does a number on your self esteem and depression is common. Anxiety and the tendency to withdraw socially are common as well. To alleviate this you have to make the time to work on your appearance, talk to someone, have a picnic, go for a road trip, and basically enjoy life! If you can afford it, regular waxing and facials can be a big boost to your self esteem. Dancing is a great way to let off some steam and get in some cardio at the same time as well. Be creative and tap into your passions to find emotional outlets that work for you. Reach out to others and create a network of friends you can count on for support when you need it.

If you are a woman with PCOS, lesbian or straight, be sure to reach out for support and to learn from others who have the same condition.

Some websites where you can reach out to others with PCOS are:

PCOList.org – The Lavender List
PCOS.net
Daily Strength.org
Soul Cysters.net
Project PCOS

Plus you can visit the following websites for more information:

Lesbian Health Info.org
Insulite Labs
Women to Women
4Women.gov
Polycystic Ovaries.org
PCOS Info at MayoClinic.com
INCIID PCOSupport
and
http://www.hormone.org/

You can also reach out to me as well!

I have a blog on Blogger called Wellness is Wholeness (here) where I post about what I have learned on my journey towards health and wellness. Plus I keep my favorite health and wellness graphics in my MySpace photo album. There is a discussion group for this blog and for my wellness blog also where you can chat with other readers and with myself as well, links are at the bottom of each blog.

I’ve had my ups and downs with PCOS and can point you in the right direction if you are facing this same condition.

Whether you are a lesbian with PCOS, a straight woman with PCOS, or any woman who is facing infertility, I strongly suggest the lifestyle changes that I mentioned to you above. If you are dealing with an aggressive form of PCOS then you might have to take more drastic measures. I felt a lot of relief of my symptoms after I had a laparoscopy a few years ago, and have managed to avoid medication thus far. Not stressing out when life gets rough is a big factor as well. Like I said, each woman’s situation is unique so confer with your doctor to see what is best for you.

Thank you so much for reading this article on Lesbians and PCOS, and for visiting the Lesbian Mommy blog. I hope that this post has helped some of you, and brought some awareness to those of use who are dealing with PCOS. Take care until the next post and thank you again for reading!

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.

The Ways and Benefits of Giving

FACIN8 — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 00:20:00 GMT

"I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver."--Maya Angelou

What a profound quote by a modern day Sage. You and I, part of this wonderful community of Olivia, have a support system, namely each other. We are here to meet new people, talk about our lives and use the tools that have been created for this community to better our lives. We can make a difference with each other just within the "virtual" walls of this safe place. I count myself blessed that I/we have this haven. Many people are not so fortunate.

I wake up every day looking for ways to effect change and I have come to realize that everyone can make a difference on her or his own, but it is when we work with other people, that we create an even greater impact.

By working with other people, I am talking about supporting the local charities and non-profits in our home towns. I am talking about the grass roots efforts to make life better for many people, whether it be for social change or for welfare or for health.

As a Board Member of a non-profit in AZ, we often come up against that glass ceiling of giving. Obviously, money is important to keep the doors open, but there are other ways to help besides just handing over a check. How can I help make a difference? Here are some tips:

Time: Look in the local magazine for organizations and call to see if they need volunteers. Ask some of your local community leaders organization if they know of any organizations that can use your efforts. If you run out of options, then ">VolunteerMatch is a great place to start looking for a volunteer opportunity.

Money: Even $10.00 or more helps keeps the doors open. What about becoming a member in the organization? What about your business services? Can you offer it to the organization at cost? Can you donate something for their silent auctions? If you want to search by issue for a cause to support, Network for Good and Global Giving are two places to start. Think about changing your will and leaving part of your estate to a cause that is important to you and your family.

Skills: http://www.score.org/index.html Mentor someone, help the organization with your skills, sit on the board, help plan events that will benefit the charity, use your talents to help foster change in any way.

Things: If you have high end items, donate them to the charity or find a consignment store and list your charity as the owner of the items. They will be able to turn things into cash. If you only have small items, ask your local organization if there is a family in need or if they have a place that could your items. If all else fails, bring them to Goodwill or public library near you to donate clothes and books.

Giving doesn't have to be through an organization or institution. Small acts of kindness count too. This can be as simple as buying someone a coffee, buying a breakfast for a board meeting, giving a gift, or bringing a meal to someone in need. It is about learning to keep our eyes open to opportunity and our hearts open to the concept of giving in all its forms.

Most of all, giving is good for us. In December 2007, the New York Sun article, Why Giving Makes You Happy reported that: "According to the Social Capital Community Benchmark Survey, a survey of 30,000 American households, people who gave money to charity in 2000 were 43% more likely than non-givers to say they were 'very happy' about their lives. Similarly, volunteers were 42% more likely to be very happy than non-volunteers. It didn't matter whether gifts of money and time went to churches or symphony orchestras — givers to all types of religious and secular causes were far happier than non-givers."

Each one of us have the opportunity to create a legacy of who we were as we lived, I want to be known as someone who cared and who made a difference in my community, what do you want to be known for?

Vatican Upgrade: Sins 8.0

KateClinton — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:10:00 GMT

Who says that gifts are only given at Christmas time? Just when I was tiring of the dizzying permutations of race and gender, ticket tops and bottoms, and those double warheads McCain and Bush, along comes Eliot Spitzer violating the Mann Act AND a Vatican update of the seven deadly sins. All in one day! It’s better than a double row of purple Easter Peeps.

I will let my secular brethren wax high-larious with their inevitable Client 9, Room 871, Emperor’s Club jokes. Let The Hooker Joke Fest begin! Okay, continue. Ho ho! Let me turn your attention to the Vatican’s recently released, upgraded list of the seven deadly sins. Turn your head from those secular hooker jokes, sinner, this is divine!

A recent Lenten Apostolic Penitentiary Seminar was a major bummer at the Vatican’t. Some of the low-lights: powerpoint presentations showed that 60% of Catholics in Italy no longer go to confession; a graph showed today’s secularized world has a decreasing sense of sin; and increasing numbers of people in the secularized West are making do-do without God.

Pope Benedict, sporting those devilish Prada pumps, addressed the Vatican body. Employing impeccable ex-cathedra logic, the Papal plan is to get people back to confession with a whole new class of upgraded sins. There are now even more ways to offend God! And sinning isn’t just for individuals anymore. Sins now have “social resonance.” Think social networking but with hell time. I know I do. It was not clear if confessionals would be renovated for higher occupancy.

To review, those seven single-words sins are: pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and my personal favorite, sloth. They are now joined by multi-word sins: carrying out morally debatable scientific experiments, allowing genetic manipulation which alter DNA or comprimise embryos, taking or dealing in drugs, excessive accumulation of wealth by a few, abortion and pedophilia. They’re shorter and yet scarier in the Latin.

If you don’t confess these mortal sins before death, you go to hell. You do not pass Limbo, because they got rid of that about five years ago. The Pope had laid out the plans to deal with the more venial sins of road rage, drunkenness and rudeness in an earlier address. It is unclear if he had anything to do with the new Italian law that men cannot fondle their own genitals through their clothes in public. The pope wears layers.

I confess to reading the list, looking for the sin of homosexuality. It wasn’t there! Maybe it’s understood. Is it just me, or does any other LGBT feel left out? It’s like being dropped from the big annual Papal Magazine “Sinniest Sins Alive!” double issue. For a while there, homosexuality was like coverboy Matthew Mcconaughey doing his beach workout. Nunc nihil.

The punishments for the single-word sins were simply noted in a New York Times online article:
Pride: broken on the wheel.
Envy: put in freezing water. Catholics have done waterboarding for years. We call it baptism.
Gluttony: forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes.
Lust: smothered in fire and brimstone. Poor Eliot.
Anger: dismembered alive.
Greed: put in cauldrons of boiling oil. Sloth: thrown in snake pits. Simple and strict.

Nowhere have I read about the sin of making wicked fun of the Pope and all his works. Yet. So I offer new socially resonant punishment suggestions:

Drug Pushers: forced to attend a daily DA meeting. Rush Limbaugh’s in your home group and he won’t stop cross-talking.

Obscenely Rich: you and your geeky cohorts must ring the opening and closing bell on Wall Street for the rest of your born days.

Polluters: run the Crocs Kiosk at the Atlanta airport. The one next to a loud Rosetta Stone tower of Babel kiosk.

Morally Debatable Scientific Experimenters: forced to judge all middle school science fairs.

Abortionists: forced to move to Binghamton, NY, home of Randall Terry.

Pedophiliacs: all of the above, including single-word sin punishments.